Food Poisoning Thread

Pretty sure that's just a fancy looking urinal

why do european men pee sitting down?

Nice subtle Ja/ck/ thread, my friend

who's jack? Also that burger is not cooked

>Cook some turkey for fajitas
>Late for work, it looks a little pink but I reckon it'll be OK and eat
>Feel ill, got home an hour early
>Throw up outside front door, can't work the next day

Do you shit standing up?

>move to new city
>ask around for best poo in loo restaurant
>go and order the hottest curry they have
>very nice
>hours later, feeling light headed
>vomit and piss shit out my arse continuously for 24 hours
>go to hospital and put on drip Im so dehydrated
>so bad have a hard time eating poo in loo food ever again

Don't eat here kiwibros

>go out for oysters
>chatting with oyster guy about the west coast outbreak of oyster-borne norwalk
>idgaf
>two dozen west coast oysters pls
>feel a little under the weather next day
>have a date, go anyway
>feel okay
>go to bed
>wake up at 2am with horrible diarrhea
>spend rest of night, entire next day, and most of next night on and off the toilet

>Tel Aviv, visiting family
>ever have shawarma? it's so good! zei gezunt!
>visit family recommended shop
>delicious lamb wrapped in pita
>loaded with crisp tomato and onions
>inthismomentiameuphoric.png
>3 hours later
>moaning groaning on toilet
>hear the Allahu Snackbar call to prayer
>this one's for you Mohammed!

Haha, I know that feel. I once got it on a motorcycle tour while riding through some foreign city. I just barely reached a gass station but I thought it was already too late to reach the toilet and was getting ready to shit in a giant flower pot in front of it, in full view of everybody. Thank god the spasm passed for just long enough to get inside.

>all time low
Says it all.

>be 14
>making Mac n cheese
>realize milk is spoiled, I heat it in the microwave hoping it helps
>eat and then 5 hours later
>I'm in a ball in pain crying, my then boyfriend just tells me to go to the bathroom and I'll feel better.
>when I get the the bathroom I vomit for what feels like 5 hours.

This is the first time that I can remember vomiting since I was 6 years old.

>go out tell my dad whatever to fucking do don't eat the mac n cheese
>go to bed naked because of fever.
>wake up at 4am, go to the bathroom.
>bent over the toliet, I start to vomit.
>projectile shit at the same time

I'm vomiting and shitting so hard it's like the energizer bunny is fueling my body to expel the spoiled milk.

>stop puking and shitting after like a half an hour of just off an one vomiting/crying

>It's 4am I'm cringing and cleaning shit and vomit off the walls, sink, tub, and mirror

It's been 4 years and I can't even smell Mac n cheese without my stomach flopping

If I was your boyfriend I would have cleaned you up with my tongue.

I've got a pretty iron clad digestive system. I've only ever gotten food poisoning once. It was at the blue bayou restaurant in Disneyland.
Got the jambalaya and I'm pretty sure the shrimp was bad. I just remember throwing up and the whole meal was still intact. Was sick as a dog the next 3 days and it ruined my vacation.
It's really strange because I've eaten a lot of questionable shit over the years including raw chicken and raw seafood and never had a problem.

>housemate decides that she finally wants to cook for us as I usually do most of the cooking
>has a thing for prawns
>decides she'll do chilli garlic prawns for the group
>the garlic is burnt
>the chilli is actually sriracha
>eat it out of politeness and because she's actually trying for once
>some uncooked prawns still in fridge that smell like fucking shit
>realise the taste of burnt garlic had masked the off seafood
>spend the next day and a half shitting water and chugging lucozade
>one of the guys shit in the garden as all the toilets were full

>never cooks
>"i'll do some fancy stuff with prawns"

I've never understood this attitude. Why try hard recipes when you're a noob at cooking? People don't sing up for a 40km marathon when they want to try working out a little bit. Start with something easy like an omellete.

>they're all 300lbs+

Juicy and delicious. Slightly overdone though.

I want to know this as well, I have a friend who is a proud independent woman that thinks cooking and stuff is sexist so shes proud she can't cook blah blah blah. I don't know if she took personal offense or something but she decided she was going to cook for a group of us. She tried to do some pork for pasta with a homemade "special" sauce. Literally burnt everything and the pork was raw in the center, pasta over done, burnt the garlic bread that was coated in previously burned garlic, burnt white sauce. She got super pissed off when I told people not to eat the raw pork. Ordered pizza and the one person who ate her cooking spent the whole night shitting. Is it just being an arrogant asshole that makes people do this and they just think since its food its not a big deal if they make a complete ass of themselves?

Whats it called when you eat a kebab after a late night out and the morning after your stomach hurts and its hard to take a shit

also why

constipation

lacking fiber maybe?

Degenerate

Veeky Forums's god

>YouTube
Fuck off, Normie.

So you are 10 years old scat girl now? Mods!

YT?

what are you talking about

>get some wings and pizza with bros on a friday night
>don't usually get wings but whatever
>also 2 2liters of strawberry soda
>down a lot of wings and soda
>few hours later, things have calmed down
>feel rumbling in my guts while playing vidya
>make a run for the toilet
>end up puking all over the back lip and the floor
>the vomit is neon pink with half digested chicken pieces strewn about
>the smell is awful but I have nothing to puke up
>begin scraping it all into the toilet with my hands and toilet paper
>fucking toilet clogs
>its not even my house

>breakfast time
>eat my usual sandwich
>decided to work from home (programming job)
>that was my very saving from a massive public embarrassment
>1 hour in
>without any warning at all my anus starts spewing like a pressure valve that sprung a leak
>absolutely confused but know I must run for it
>slam ass on toilet
>ass erupts as pure burning liquid cancer leaves my system and sprays the living shit out of the toilet
>eruption ceases, check to see what the fuck came out of my ass
>mfw I had shat brown-colored acid, barely any actual shit at all
>wipe ass, suddenly get cold shivers and start feeling really fucking ill
>turn around and blast-vomit the toilet which was already covered in liquid ass-cancer
>entire breakfast, undigested, flies out and ricochets around in the toilet bowl
>pieces hitting me in the face
>cycle repeats another 3 times
>exhausted, but it seems to be over
>go inspect my chair
>massive wet stain that smelled like death
>initial eruption shot right through my underwear and pants

I have no idea what was wrong with that sandwich. I was lucky as hell for working at home that day too.

Not exactly food poisoning but...
>Go to P.F. Changs with friend
>Just get the standard lettuce wraps, fried rice, etc.
>have a gin and tonic for a bev
>driving home
>10 min in my lower bowel start sounding like a rapidly boiling pot or water
>intense sweat, gotta find a mcdonalds or something FAST
>too late
>Pants and underwear quickly fill with shit while im sitting at a traffic stop
>just drive the rest of the 30 minutes home steeping in my own shit

First time I shit myself in a long time. Luckily my car has leather seats so it was easy to clean. all the shit stayed in my underwear and only some shit smelling sweat got on the seat.

>initial eruption shot right through my underwear and pants

I lol'd

>be 9 years old
>hanging out with friend at his place
>friends dad makes some bomb ass pork and rice dish drenched in some paprika-laden sauce
>feel fine, play vidya with friend for about an hour
>start getting a terrible headache, feel pretty pukey
>go home soon afterwards because i feel so bad
>come home, sit on couch with family
>15 minutes later
>run to bathroom and vomit entire meal out, looks like bloody stomach cancer
>puke tastes entirely of paprika
>paprika is forever ruined for me
to this day, i can't even be in the same room with someone cooking a dish with paprika without getting a headache and feeling sick.

>On vacation in mexico with the senpai
>Hotel has a fuckhuge buffet full of shit I've never even heard of
>7 year old me goes on a fucking rampage
>Fill and clean my plate multiple times with what I can only assume is food
>Drinking Shirley Temples all night
>Finish strong with a fistful of churros
>Stuffed, and barely conscious I decide to call it a night
~Cut to about 2 AM~
>Wake up sweating, instantly know my decision has gone horribly wrong
>Don't even have time to throw the blanket off before the geyser begins
>End up covering myself, my little brother, the floor and about 3 feet up the wall with foamy pink vomit

Couldn't eat anything for like 2 days after

As a geology grad student, I've done fieldwork in the shittiest parts of the Dominican Republic and I never had anything worse than a mild diarrhea. Ironically, presenting that work in upstate New York, the convention had a Mexican buffet the night before the student presentations.
That shit gave me the worst food poisoning in my life. Spent the night throwing up and with horrible diarrhea.
Did my presentation out of stubbornness, but like 10 other students were too sick to present.

>~4 years ago
>mom makes shrimp with expired garlic butter
>it's really good
>eat a ton of it while playing Vice City
>don't feel too good
>start throwing up
>first time I threw up since 3rd grade which is funny
>constantly throwing up and see shrimp chunks inside
>fucking hurts
>can't stop vomiting
>feel like I'm going to die
>couldn't eat shrimp for 9 months after that
>could never go back to playing Vice City because it reminds me of it

Fuck that helicopter mission too goddammit

Used a 2 year old packet of bleu cheese dressing my friend got me and I puked and shitted. he laughed

what's your "usual" sandwich user? pls tell me so I can avoid all ingredients from now on.

>initial eruption shot right through my underwear and pants
Fucking worst feeling

>freshman year at college
>get some Chipotle with bros
>get my usual, barbacoa burrito with pinto beans, rice, lettuce, cheese, sour creme and mild salsa
>everything is good, go back to dorm to do work
>suddenly don't feel well
>go to shit, have massive diarrhea
>as I'm on the toilet I start feeling nauseous
>throw up into shit, entire burrito is there
>go back to my room to lie down
>immediately throw up again into my trashcan
>run back to the bathroom, don't make it to the toilet and throw up into sink
>throw up 12 times that night
>threw up more in the morning, not even vomit, just mucus and water
>campus aid station is 6 blocks away, have to walk there
>wait in line for two hours, throw up in their bathroom twice
>doctor gives me pills and I'm fine a day later

I never ordered a burrito from Chipotle again

>Ate year old chocolate once
>Worst stomach ache of my life
>Liquid diarrhea with mucus for weeks

I thought I had disintery because of how bad it was. It felt like I had barbed wire wrapped around my intestines. The chocolate still tasted alright though

The last time I got violently ill was due to an undercooked spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's. It didn't last long, but it fucking hurt.

The worst I've ever gotten it is as follows.
>22 camping with friends
>planned to leave after 5 days, but decide to stay through the weekend
>caught loads of fish since it's mid spawn
>last night have huge fish fry with friends camping close by
>it's all super good
>crappie, catfish, bass, fries, hush puppies
>wake up in the middle of the night feeling funny
>I really need to shit
>go do my thing without cause for concern, nothing too violent
>on the way back to the campsite get a drink from the faucet that sticks out out from the side of the busted water fountain
>due to being tired and it being super dark, don't realize the faucet on the side is non potable fucking lake water
>wake up in the morning freezing cold and sweating
>stomach is knotted and doing flips
>leave campsite and have to stop 30 minutes later
>sprint inside gas station but don't quite make it into the bathroom
>my hand is on the bathroom door as I projectile vomit down the hallway
>two cute girls are exiting the girl's room at the same time
>the puke covers their shoes
>I ignore their screams and rip the door open as my asshole lets loose
>this came as a bit of a surprise because I didn't feel like I had to shit before the vomit
>I throw my ass onto the toilet and notice the trail of shit leading to my stall
>think about the girls with puke shoes still screaming outside and how they must've seen me shit my shorts
>chuckle to myself thinking of the horror show in the hall and because I can't think of any other way to deal with this
>mfw
>stay in bathroom for like an hour before I could leave
>wind up ditching underwear and shorts in the trash can after my friends brought me clean shorts
>haul ass out of gas station before I get questioned

I stayed sick for a few days after too. I've never been that sick before or after that.

Christ Jesus, what was in that sandwich? And considering food poisoning symptoms can manifest days after ingesting contaminated food, what did you eat that week?

kek. You should have asked one of the puke shoe wenches for a date. Now that would have been something.

>be in boy scouts
>faggot scout excitedly says he can cook chilli
>put him in charge
>food is made and it tastes off
>hungry as fuck from all the hiking and just assume he is a bad cook
>get sick as fuck exploding from both ends
>fag scout tells me he has no idea how to cook
I got ridiculously sick from that.

good stories itt

>go out to eat with coworkers every monday
>we go to the local taco joint
>three of us get guacamole
>nothing unusual happens
>next day, after work
>decide to stop at glorious thai place next to my apartment
>get green curry
>wake up in the middle of the night
>something is terribly wrong
>spend hours vomiting and shitting piss
>call into work
>find out the other two people who ate the guacamole are also sick
>green curry wasn't the culprit but is difficult to enjoy to this very day

pisses me off, i'd never gone off a food because of puking it up until that happened

>be me
>have to cook a massive meal for a wedding reception
>about 40 people going to show up
>find this chunk of beef in the fridge
>its a bit old but think it should be fine since it smells fine
>cook it in a pot for hours until it breaks down
>then make it into a massive soup
>things are going by great, try a little and it tastes fantastic
>send it out for the reception
>everyone is loving it
>a few hours later I start getting really sick
>vomitting
>most of the guests are getting really sick too
>next day a bunch of health inspectors come in
>everyone is pissed at me since I cooked the whole meal
>fucked up their whole wedding because of food poisoning
>still keep my job as a cook for some reason

Now I have to deal with 4 or 5 fucking health inspections a year instead of one.

I find it a bit hard to believe that the client wouldn't have chosen a meal in advance and was satisfied with a random, unexpected soup.

I never once had food poisoning or gave someone else food poisoning yall are fuckin dumb

Funnily enough, the girl I was dating at the time left a few days prior because she had to work. She knew I got sick, but I never elaborated upon shitting in my board shorts. Now now wife has heard the story a few times though.

Tandoori Palace or nothing, at least in Christchurch.

There's a reason you never see them eating at their own restaurants.

>at mom's house
>want some milk
>expiration day was the day before
>fuck it the dates aren't exact
>have a glass of milk
>the next day
>alternate between shitting my brains out and vomiting for three straight days

Pretty sure if I laid on the floor the force of my shitting and vomiting would have just spun me around like a top.

Where was it? So I can avoid

>wake up and start drinking Friday morning
>the rest of friday is a complete mystery to me
>wake up at 2 am on Saturday
>stomach is in ungodly amount of pain
>dick is bleeding and rubbed raw
>immediately start shutting liquid while running to the bathroom
>three hours later stagger out of the bathroom a defeated man
>chug tons of water
>pass out on floor on way to couch
I've been sitting liquid the last couple days and I have no idea what's wrong.

Mah nz nigga gotta go to corianders man best poo in loo I've ever been to. Few stores around Christchurch I go to the rolleston one

>be visiting Egypt
>some kind of new years celebration going on, they have a huge buffet
>mother and hotel staff warn me not to eat raw stuff and especially not the eggs
>everything is tasty as fuck
>eat loads of raw stuff and several eggs
>next day
>uncontrollable flood of liquid ejecting from both ends of digestive system
>spend a day on the room

>the rumbling won't stop
so this is how it ends
i always had the feeling that i would shit myself to death

all depends on what bacteria is present, user. Raw foods are fine so long as they are processed right and eaten quick.
Also shit like shrimp has much highers risks than just fish, because of the type of bacteria that grow on it and at the crazy pace it does.

Always eat shrimp quick and don't trust shrimp you don't know how it was prepared.

>fry frozen herring in oatmeal
>undercook it I guess?
>end up with fever, diarrhea, the works

Go to the emergency room jesus christ