I had a dream that I was interning for Alton Brown, except he was being the most conceited piece of shit asshole possible and I kept having to go around apologizing him, like there was a guy in a wheelchair and he kept pushing the chair around violently going "GOD HOW COULD THIS CRIPPLE EVEN FUCKING COOK HE CAN'T EVEN GET UP TWO STAIRS WITHOUT HELP JESUS CHRIST STOP WASTING MY TIME" and "YOU THINK YOU COULD MAKE A RISOTTO? YOU CAN'T EVEN MOVE YOUR FUCKING LEGS" - meanwhile I'm going around trying to convince people it's just an act.
Subscribe to my blog (seriously why is he the only tolerable personality for cooking shows)
Samuel Sanders
>apologizing him for him* May or may not have been drinking.
Liam James
i had a dream alton came inside me
Easton Robinson
I had a dream I was raping Rachel Ray in front of her stupid fucking dogs and husband. I had to go jerk off to pictures of her dumb, chubby face just to get my boner to chill out.
Asher Murphy
I can cook tho :(
Isaac Lee
I had the same dream but it was with Giada
Charles Bailey
how? do you live in a house with low benches? how did you do it before living in a house with low benches?
Luis Lewis
I can see over shallow pans on the stove, oven is fine and for larger pots and pans I can use a mobile induction top on a lower level.
I believe you can also get adjustable height stove tops if you have the coin.
Cameron Fisher
I had a dream a few nights ago where I went to a mall in a restaurant with some friends. It had this bizarre arrangement where there were tables and chairs floating in the air, and there were rollercoaster tracks running everywhere so people could get around. Well, we get seated and we have this shitty table that has all this leaky plumbing coming out of the ceiling covering it so there's no room for plates or anything. And the waitresses are super shitty, they'd flat out tell you that you were wrong. People were getting up to leave, saying they wouldn't come back. "Yes you will." People were saying that they'd leave shitty reviews on Yelp. "No you won't." So I get up and say I'm leaving, and the waitress says "no you're not" and I scream "FUCK OFF" at her and left anyways. Everyone else was thinking the same thing but they were all shocked at the way I just screamed at her. And then I spent like five minutes marching out of the mall feeling hungry and pissed as hell.
Alexander Powell
This is what dream recorders will be invented for.
Aiden Reed
I had the same dream but it was Emril. He yelled "BAM" with every thrust.
Jaxson Sanders
Last night I had a dream that I was fucking my mother in the mouth and it was like we did it all the time, then I woke up and made pasta, what does it mean?
Ian Rivera
You want mom's spaghetti.
Eli Harris
Mine was Guy Fieri, before I came in his mouth I said, "HERE COMES FLAVORTOWN"
Brandon Hill
Block it out of your memory. Ive had one or two like that and i just force myself to forget it
Jonathan Taylor
Yeah this isn't the first one. Doesn't help that the girl I'm dating kinda reminds me of my mom a lil bit
Matthew Miller
Oh no. That part is normal/natural.
Jacob Miller
I saw Alton Brown at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen grilled cheese sandwiches in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the sandwiches and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each sandwich and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Anthony Watson
I get that with whatever I'm fucking turning into my cat sometimes, I wouldn't look too much into it, wires just tend to get crossed. Even before the dream ends I'm disgusted
Elijah Brown
That's actually pretty normal. People typically date people that remind them of their parents
Henry Campbell
kek'd way to hard at this
Nicholas Martinez
where did i see this copy pasta before?
Nathaniel Fisher
Lurk moar newfaggot
Christopher Murphy
I shot my wad on Mario Batali's Crocks. He threw a ravioli at me.