This FUCKING JUICER

This thing shouldn't even fucking exist.

The people who buy this thing shouldn't exist.

And the investors (Google) shouldn't exist.

The more I think about it, the more it makes my blood boil. You need to FUCKING HAVE AN APP AND WIFI TO OPERATE IT.

You don't even need to use the juicer. Your left hand (the "special" one) can do whatever it's trying to better.

The funny part is, IT ISNT EVEN JUICING. You just slam the door thing on it and it SQUEEZES the juice out.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you Google invested 120 MILLION on this thing.

Even funnier, the CEO who released this shit told the buyers not to squeeze them buy hand.

And LAUGH OUT LOUD ECKS DEE Funny, this thing costs 400 along with the juice packets, which cost 8 each.

I have nothing else to say about the "Juicero".

Other urls found in this thread:

google.com/amp/s/amp.businessinsider.com/why-juicero-press-is-so-expensive-2017-4
youtu.be/X1oHp-VvhDE
youtu.be/-i0UugILBJg
youtu.be/5lutHF5HhVA
blog.bolt.io/heres-why-juicero-s-press-is-so-expensive-6add74594e50
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

Nice blog, where do I subscribe?

i saw another machine like this where it works exactly the same way but you can actually put your own stuff in pouches and let the machine press it out.

I dunno. You can I M A G I N E a subscribe button.

Last week's outrage, bro.

+1

You know what I forgot to add in?

It only accepts its own brand of pouches because of this QR scanning bullshit.

I know I'm late to the party (probably 2 weeks late), but this thing infuriates me.

Some people made a lot of money.
This was likely used to grease so palms through various connections to make other things happen for the investing companies (or certain executives/large shareholders thereof).
If you could know where every dollar and deal changed hands of every person, and/or how they're related, it would make more sense.

Cronyism and nepotism run deep.
Corruption is ever present, and almost all the elites, both political and financial and holding fame, are guilty of it on so many levels it's absurd.

>This thing shouldn't even fucking exist.

I'm sorry, capitalism says anything should exist as long as there is a market for it.

Don't you have some trash cans to knock over?

That's deep.

>I'm sorry, capitalism says anything should exist as long as there is a market for it.
Not OP but there is no market for it.
They're giving everyone who bought one refunds

I already knocked them over, but I'm too much of a lazy fuck to pick them up.

Then the free market has succeeded again. So there is no reason to be upset.

But why would you need internet to use a freaking juicer? It makes no sense.

if you want to know why it exists:

1. facebook gets big
2. people get obsessed with autismo "hackers" in hooded sweatshirts
3. people give money to a bunch of other autismo hoodie wearers to "disrupt" things
4. people catch on to this and now basically every company that has been funded in the last 2 or 3 years is a total scam run by someone whose primary skill is understanding what the memelords at venture capital firms want to hear

It's a €200,- datamining hydraulic press with a QR reader which renders it useless to anything else than those overpriced branded sacks

I honestly just want to know who saw this and said, "Yep, good stuff!"

People who don't know how juice is made or how much fruit and vegetables cost.

This whole thing feels like money laundering

Don't worry, I'm sure a trash can picker is being sold right now. $299 special offer, order now!

>need to FUCKING HAVE AN APP AND WIFI TO OPERATE IT.
so it's like a sous vide machine for juice?

>€700 plus a weekly fee
>can easily be sold to rich but gullible people

very good idea

his mistake was lowering the price and actually wasting ink on defending against bloomberg's article

this is purely a piece of conspicuous consumption and they should treat it as such

>requires a smart phone to operate
>it actually does nothing

This thing was kickstarted, wasn't it?

This thing is pretty much THE example of how cancerous IoT can get.

>wlan
Top jewing famalan

maybe if sous vide required proprietary premade bags of food aswell as a app

That sounds fucking retarded
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I ranted at it in the last thread and I'm lazy so I'll just copy paste my rant

I tried to explain Juicero to my girlfriend the other day and that's exactly what she said. They have all the processing and infrastructure in place to deliver fresh high quality juice daily or weekly to people who are willing to pay for such a service. WHY HAVE A FUCKING APPLIANCE? They could be making a killing distributing fresh juice as a subscription service. I live in silicon valley. I drink alot of juice. I'd pay good money to have juice delivered. I have discretionary spending money. I spend too much money on juice already why not spend it on convenience. They used to have milk men who delivered milk. I want juicemen in stupid outfits to bring me fresh OJ in the mornings. Fuck juicero. Fuck my life. My sci-fi juice dreams will go unfullfilled. I can't wait for the apocalypse so I can disregard California's restrictive gun laws and start a motorcycle gang to hunt my own juice in the orchards of the central valley.

They could have just packaged the pulp in fancy recyclable bottles with a plunger that squeezes the juice and yuppies would have eaten it up

Things like these are a perfect argument for fascism.
Yeah, sure, the free market can handle this. Some people get scammed, then no one buys it anymore and the entire thing fades into obscurity. Cool.

You know what is better than that?
Finding the people who made this and chucking them out of helicopters.
Finding the people who bought this and chucking them out of helicopters.

A fascist government wouldn't allow such an atrocity to exist. A lot of people would get thrown out of helicopters.
How many of these people have been thrown out of a helicopter because of capitalism? Zero. Zero people.

My milkman does deliver fresh orange juice tho.

You need to relax. Focus on inner peace, forget the outside world.

If that's true, i'm coming to your house to kill you and wear your skin. Does he wear a silly uniform that makes him easily identifiable as what he is?

A fascist government wouldn't let a lot of things exist.

By the way, would you say you're a typical resident of silicon valley?
Is skinstealing a normal thing there?

I wouldn't call myself typical. I don't work in tech but everyone in my social circle does. Skin stealing is pretty abnormal but some of the biotech companies in South San Francisco kinda skeeve me out. Cytokinetics, Exelexis, Akayogen, Toshi Bioscience, Genetech, NGM Bio-pharmaceuticals, Amgen, Annexon Biosciences, Principia Biopharma, Stemcentrix. Might as well just call it the umbrella corporation and be done with it. All the lunch spots around there cater to workers who have barley time for lunch because of scrub-down procedures. Good taco truck around there.

>be google
>need more infos
>must invade privacy
>get idea
>pay company
>they make juicer
>install forward facing camera
>enable wifi
>change mind
>require wifi
>enable connection to cell phone
>change mind
>require connection to cell phone
>install app
>spyware now on phone
>can now monitor milf crotch in both kitchen and bedroom

"Best 150 million I ever spent."
-Google, 2017

*Genentech. Also I spelled Akayogen wrong its Acheogen. I know from a friend they have a bunch of live anthrax cultures there. That explains all the smoked glass and armed guards. Whatever genetic hoodoo those guys are doing in those glass towers is advancing medicine I guess.

Googles creepy in this neighborhood too. There was the weird unexplained barges with secret construction all over them that came with a weird cover story. There was also the fact they bought Moffit field from the military which begs the question "What does google need a military airfield and zeppelin hangar for?", also those self driving test cars look so fucking derpy. It's weird watching them navigate crappy SF traffic better than real drivers.

Does something like this exist that isn't retarded? Just some kind of premade juicing pouches.

Yeah you can literally buy juice instead of giving google a backdoor to a crotch shot photo op, since they haven't got cameras on refrigerators ye... Nevermind, they do.

>I spend too much money on juice already
how much money could you possibly spend on juice

Not him but where I live (NYC) if you buy good juice as opposed to making it, it's substantially more expensive than the most expensive beers (like imported microbrews from scotland and denmark), and approximately as asspensive as, say, an entry-level wine from a prestigious AOC. Which on a certain level makes sense since juice is juice

I mean you could head out to hunts point or union city or brooklyn, or some terrible place like that, and ask a street walker to squeeze some oranges while you hold your nose, but by the same token you can go buy some dirt and grow your own grapes but honestly who has time for that shit. Specialization of labor happened for a reason, aspie-kun

As someone who enjoys masturbating while I prepare my cups of juice, I appreciate a contraption that removes the hand-squeezing portion.

The idea of submitting yourself to an authoritarian government is pure cuckery. Not to mention fascists don't look kindly upon autists or NEETs, making it pretty fucking stupid for you to support them.

>implying throwing people out of helicopters is a good thing

I think it's a new meme from /pol/, someone taught them about South American history and they're suddenly obsessed with Pinochet and stuff

i would unironically purchase this press if it were available in my area

>be me
>be weeb/nerd and have kinda nerdy friends
>watch google start out and get super big
>joke around with friends "lolol google is like umbrella corp lololol XD"
>watch google buy companies and offer more services and do things
>"lol guise im right look le google prolly has underground bunker for producing zombeh virus lol"
>zombie craze in full swing and i keep joke going
>google becomes even larger company
>stop joking. Start looking into what googles doing. They keep swallowing other companies and building different shit
>joke isnt funny anymore.... Im kinda genuinely scared now....

>a thread about a shitty juicer turns into a thread about ebil capitalism with commie kids
Don't you have some "fascists" to go harass?

Don't you have some orange clown's asshole to go lick, just to spite the libs that you are jealous of because they are rich, live in cities, and have better lives than you?

Stay poor faggot.

Ironic because most liberals I know live like shit crusading for their precious $15 an hour faggotry to flip burgers. Maybe if they didn't blow half their checks on, they'd live decently and wouldn't blame the system for their shitty lifestyle. Guess I'll just continue working the oilfield life making bank.

>checks on weed
Ftfm

That's a wonderful thing up until some bureaucrat decides he doesn't like [thing you like].

By and large a huge amount of problems in my life have been solved by making more money.

Google-McDonald's war when?

Wait, I thought that it was the evil conservatives who were the rich "1%" and that's why we needed to take their money? Now you're saying the liberals are rich, doesn't that mean they are the bad guys?

Most kids dont understand how to budget and thats a large part of why these whiny fags want more money.
>waah i cant eat at restaurants all the time
>waah why cant i buy nice things all the time
>waah why cant i just have things handed to me
The only things truly working against them is greedy landlords in some places, and where the cost of living is super high. Thats not everywhere though.
If they just live with roommates to share rent and cook their own food thats a huge savings in their budget. I was raised that if you want more money, you do a good job and ask the boss for a raise, not do a shitty job and act like you should have your dick sucked just by showing up to work. Kids now dont have work ethics, they just work fast food jobs and steal from the register and act like the company owes them because they choose to live beyond their means and make themselves constantly poor. This is what happens when people dont parent their children and give asspats and participation trophies.

This. Maybe the juice product itself is actually decent, but if you go to the VCs and pitch bags of juice, you'll get nothing. If you go to the VCs and pitch a $400 wifi juicer that uses $8 bags of juice, you get $120 million.

Agreed. But credit is due. Have you seen a teardown of this thing? It's a fucking beast from an engineering perspective even though it's worthless as an actual product. It should be a mandatory case study on over engineering a design.

I assumed this was done on purpose to mystify investors. Or is it just really an over engineered piece of IoT shit?

These

Arrogance at it's best. Blinded by the easy investment income. They genuinely believed their own hype.

google.com/amp/s/amp.businessinsider.com/why-juicero-press-is-so-expensive-2017-4

Anyone who buys this over a vitamix or other good blender for juicing for health reasons is a Jew kike faggot.

It's way healthier to blend fruits and veg into a smoothie than to fuckin juice them and leave all the fiber behind. Having smoothies can actually help your beneficial gut bacteria thrive and multiply while having the fiberless sugar smash of a fruit smoothie is going to do far less to help and is probabaly a bad idea for most fat Jew led kike nigger fucks

The Jew faggot who made this juicer should be shoahed

I fucked up this post

I meant to say "fiberless sugar smash of juice"

How come I can't edit posts Iike I can on reddit?

Because you have to own your mistakes here so you may be publicly humiliated. That will make you think twice before posting.

Amazing how such an expensive to build device can be completely bottlenecked by a QR reader that works when it feels like it. Like that's the one thing they cheaped out on.

People prefer the pretense of healthy living habits that come with a juicer to the actual health benefits of making vegetable-based smoothies. And as an owner of 2kW blender, I can see why people are eager to return those to the store, motherfucker sounds like a jet plane taking off. And I can't use it in the mornings because it'd wake up the whole floor.

>A USELESS PRODUCT WAS MARKETED TO A PROFITABLE DEMOGRAPHIC BY A CORPORATION

What an outrage, eh? Honestly though, user, why are you so upset? It's not like you were duped into buying it, and the folks who did are likely so divorced from your cohort that you'd never hear of the thing without the online exposure it's gotten. A fool and their money are soon parted, and this machine was designed to go after a certain kind of mark. More specifically, fairly high-income people who want to get (or stay) healthy and are willing to throw cash at something pretty in service of that goal.

These people would throw their money down a particularly attractive wishing well if they were convinced it would make them look and feel better without a real lifestyle change, and if Google wanted in on that, why shouldn't they invest? At the end of the day, it was just a little too much of a reach to sell, but corporations pull more sinister shit than this all the time and against much more vulnerable communities.

Next time you wanna be outraged by a kitchen product think about infomercial-trash that gets sold to the poor and elderly for $20-$40 then breaks in a month rather than a $400 sack squeezer that a 45 year-old nurse anesthetist buys so she can feel healthy while she drives her kids to school in a G-Wagon

I think it's a piece of plastic that squeezes the juice out of a juice box for you, while having a camera and microphone to watch and record you.

I mean what the fuck are you talking about "people who want to get healthy?"
It literally squeezes the fucking premade juice out of a bag into a cup. You have got to be joking.

What if you found a way to spoof the QR codes and put one on your penis
Then the machine could squeeze your dick while you have two hands free to juice

You have to have a QR code to even access the juice?
What the fuck is going on here?
Why does this sound so terrible?

>I mean what the fuck are you talking about "people who want to get healthy?"
>It literally squeezes the fucking premade juice out of a bag into a cup. You have got to be joking.

That's obvious, try to understand the context of the buyer's lifestyle. They don't really know that much about health, but they have an understanding of the aesthetics of health, which have been pushed on them by corporations and products which advocate buying 6 dollar bottles of green stuff rather than consuming vegetables. For these people, owning a juicer is the next logical step in increasing the healthiness of their lifestyle. However, given that these people have no understanding of what actually makes juice healthy or why they should be drinking it beyond "getting their five servings per day", they aren't going to simply blend vegetables together. In this context, it's pretty obvious that they'll purchase the most convenient, aesthetically pleasing solution available to them. This is the purpose of the Juicero. It's not supposed to actually help anybody, it's meant to provide a convenient option for people out of the know to have something that they can feel good about.

Also, I don't know about the spying capabilities of this squeezy machine, but that's another concern that these buyers wouldn't bother themselves with.

Yes, it only works with their juice packs. It scans the QR code on the pack to make sure it's genuine.
Each pack has a unique code that can't be used again. This is why it requires an internet connection with the app you're required to use.

You mean like California right?

Inb4 our bread requires a username and password to access.

>You mean like California right?

Pretty much, but they come in all shapes and sizes. Really any place with just enough sense to know that they should be eating some fruit and vegetables but not quite enough to know why.

>150 million dollars from Google
>"I don't know about the spying capabilities of this machine"

Well a piece of plastic certainly doesn't cost $400, but one with a motion sensor, two HD cameras, a microphone, wifi and Bluetooth connectivity certainly does.

Oh, I'm not denying that they could exist, my justifiably paranoid friend, I'm only saying that I literally don't know about it. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

>Ensures you have a genuine juiceroo organic pouch
>Validates the expiration date has not passed
>Adjusts the pressure based on the juice pack to optimize pressure for the specific ingredients

That's their pitch on the QR code. They basically looked at kcups and said we can do that for juice but even better. Remember that Keurig tried to DRM their machines but they pissed off their customers who had come to expect to be able to use any kcup. Printers and razors do the same thing in different ways.

I don't know about it either but the government and Google are attempting to get into our homes at an alarming rate to monitor the absolutely nothing we do.
I don't fucking get it.
Tape the cameras, block the microphones and shoot at drones.

>anecdotal evidence
kys faggot

They're marketing it as the most convenient and reliable way to have quality juice at home and the internet of things is still profitable so

>anecdotal
You been living under a rock? The $15 an hour faggotry has started automation in fast food joints. To weed out the losers who can't even make a cookie cutter burger together. Even your Lord and saviour, Bernie is up in arms about it.

...

Genentech used to be a pretty laid-back and cool start-up type environment until Rosch took it over, wouldn't lump them in with the rest.

Commercial
youtu.be/X1oHp-VvhDE

Setup guide
youtu.be/-i0UugILBJg

Bloomberg takedown
youtu.be/5lutHF5HhVA

>reddit
>>>>>>>>

lol baited

>I was only pretending to be retarded