ITT: Pleb cook easy giveaways

Not using a poppy seed bun for an authentic Chicago hot dog

>seasoning salt
Unless you're using an absolute shit cut of meat, you're ruining the taste of it.

>heat
Because it leads to an unevenly cooked egg or massively overcooked, you tard

>sugar in tomato sauces
Add spices you fucking retard, "the italians" don't fucking do that unless they're equally incompetent.

Putting white noodles down first then a glop of red sauce on top

Throwing a noodle at the wall to see if its done

Chef knife is dull as fuck

Using a steak knife to chop everything

Electric stove

Slap chop

I'm not the person who you're responding to, but I'm pretty certain they were using cutting sarcasm there user.

>electric stove

I CARE NOT
I HAVE CHOSEN TO BE ANGRY AND SO I SHALL BE

>not using the bolo in your kitchen
youtube.com/watch?v=Bjik7AjUjQU

splitting the root hurts the eyes worse tho
you gotta keep that shit intact

>Putting white noodles down first then a glop of red sauce on top
Hey man... it's how mom always did it and brings me back to my childhood.

>Throwing a noodle at the wall to see if its done
My uncle does this, but I sweat to god he's a great chef. The man is mystery.

>Chef knife is dull as fuck
This is inexcusable on every level. Thanks, Obama.

>Using a steak knife to chop everything
My wife does this and I am about to divorce her over it, but she has cancer and that would make me look like the bad guys. I swear it'd be because of the steak knife bullshit and not the cancer though.. that would make it ok right?

>Electric stove
I feel so bad for poor people who can't afford to better themselves.

>Slap chop
STOP HAVING A BORING LIFE!!!

>cracking pans inside the pan and not on the kitchen counter
we're not the plebs here, user

>>using cayenne for mayonnaise

If your mayonnaise recipe doesn't look like this
>egg yolk
>white wine vinegar
>neutral oil
>cayenne
>salt
>dijon mustard
Then you are making mayo wrong

>making mayo at all
store bought is just as good

>store bought mayo

only if your knife is dull. if you have a sharper knife, it won't make you cry as much

>cooking a burger till its grey
>substituting butter for oil

>Using a steak knife to chop everything
Lol my mom does that, no cutting board either,just holds everything in her fingers

She's sad because some jerk put her perfectly good store-bought mayo in the toilet.

People who make enchiladas with flour tortillas

Olives as a garnish for anything Mexican

Oil in the pasta water

Rinsing pasta once it's done

Not washing/cleaning as you go, so you're left with a huge fucking mess at the end that's a pile of everything that was used so far

"Here's my secret ingredient..."

>grew up with gas stove, learned to cook on it etc.
>past 3 years have had a shitty glass top electric stove in my apartment
>reminded of how shitty my stove is every time i visit my parents and use theirs
>mfw moving to new apartment in august with gas stove

Soon, brothers, i will once again have tempurature control.

And are those still her original fingers?

This. If you get something like that, your hand is moving unreasonably slow

Putting olives on Mexican food is the most flyover thing you can do. It's a sign that whatever recipe you're eating has reached the final stages of bastardization.

>as much
why not do both?

>tfw live in Kentucky now
>grew up in CA
>buddy's wife is making "enchiladas" and invites me over
>flour tortillas, ground beef, canned red sauce, topped with monterey jack
>a gallon of sour cream and sliced black olives on top
>flour tortillas had transformed into a gooey, dough-y mush that is my texture kryptonite
>had to choke that abomination down with nothing but Coors to drink

I just cracked an egg in the middle of my pan and burned my hand with scalding hot oil. Now my hand is really puffy and starting to bleed.

:`(

I've had California tacos, man. I can't imagine going from that to... what you had to eat.

You should sue OP for medical bills.

>doesn't know how to properly dissect the longissimus dorsi from the trapezius
Fuckin meat plebs will never learn

>a gallon of sour cream and sliced black olives on top
>flour tortillas had transformed into a gooey, dough-y mush that is my texture kryptonite
>
had to choke that abomination down with nothing but Coors to drink

EssentialMiddleClassSouthern™

My shit headed sister makes this garbage for her brood 3 times a week.

It's fucking terrible. It's pretty much like I'm living in a state full of Scalfanis. You know the garbage he and his guests cook? Everyone is like that here.

>EssentialMiddleClassSouthern™

Couldn't be more accurate.

Sounds like Pennsylvania. Is there some kind of fucking bland belt?

Small cutting board
Dishes in sink
No food scale or thermometer
No jars or other types of food storage containers

I crack them in a bowl first then make sure the pan is nice and hot then slowly pour the whites in so it Cooks a bit and forms a nice bed for the yolk so it won't slip away and cause a mess, nice and easy to pick up and I can cover it easily with a lid to get the top covered with white but keep the yolk runny.

>Couldn't be more accurate

Father comes home from working in the coal mines. Brood swarms him with adoration yelling "Papa, Papa tell us your stories of the day! We love you and pray daily that we can harvest coal like three generations before us!!!".

"You're damn right children. God has blessed us with the co..". His voice trailing off. *Sniff, sniff*. Hon! Are those enchiladas I smell?????

Yes sweetie! Extra black olives! Just the way you like it!

[Father awww yisssss's middle class fancy internally and such]

We're losing an entire generation to this shit, gents... It makes my blood boil. These people lead such unexamined lives. Its fucking pitiful.

>not cracking your eggs into a cup and then pouring them into the pan
Pleb detected

>not cracking your eggs on the sharp corner of the range, pouring into a lightly buttered anodized aluminum pan and then gently scraping the whites off the top of the yolk with a fork in order to make the perfect sunny side up
Get the fuck out of here you cuck

...

>the father weighs 90lbs
>the wife weighs 350lbs

Jesus Christ here it is

youtu.be/umGAa12UA2w?t=2m29s

>not punching the egg to crack it open

Why does Rotel even exist? Are there actually places in America where you can't buy fresh tomatoes/chilis?

>If you hit 2 eggs together, one of them will always break

alaska

Why not just buy a $500 gas stove? Is a cheap new one really not as good as a crappy electric?

My ex girlfriend actually did that

>be me making chicken parm for dinner
>everything's prepped and going quite nicely
>place breaded chicken in oil and walk away for literally less than a minute to piss
>while washing hands smell something wrong
>ohshitnotthis.jpg
>come out to smoke...so much smoke
>fucking bitch added butter to the mix and set off the fire alarm
>chicken is ruined and all we settle on a dinner of roasted potatoes and vegetables
>her justification: "I thought the butter would add flavor, my grandma uses it all the time when she cooks"
>calmly (as calm as I can at this point) explain to her the concept of smoke points and why you never EVER use butter for frying

Definitely not the brightest bulb on the Hannukah tree

Yes, the egg punch, one of my few mastered techniques.

Jesus Christ. Using a kitchenaide with a paddle attachment to shred the chicken. heavy whipping crew poured over enchiladas before baking. 90 lb husband, 350 lb wife. Cross fit 4 to 5 times a week. What a fucking perfect snapshot of god damned middleclass america in 2017.

Atrocious

So I was at a restaurant and they had Kobe beef so I wanted to try it. I had it done Well was I wrong to do this? It tasted like any other beef...

I'm so broke and hungry right now, I'd gladly eat that and thank him for it.

literally me. Cayenne is the best senpai.

>I had it done Well was I wrong to do this?
Not wrong.The marbling is why it would still be juicy. Probably make the chef aggravated since you'd lose so much fat to the lengthy heating time, like losing mass in your by the pound item that was so much fat.
>It tasted like any other beef...
Maybe it wasn't really kobe. But, the draw of kobe should be more about the mouthfeel of the fat, kind of the pork belly experience on the palate, and a beefy flavor if it was actual kobe. I think american wagyu just tastes like an ordinary steak myself. Unaged, not grass fed kind of flavors. If you want a different flavor get a dry aged or grass fed and see if you can detect it.

Damn, my steak could have been so delicious...

>People who make enchiladas with flour tortillas

My local meхican restaurant calls those "burritos"

If it was actual Kobe, then you paid probably around $150 for high quality meat just to get it cooked in a way that you should only do with low quality meat.

Yeah chef loves it when every egg takes 4 minutes to cook on sunday brunch. Keep your pans hot idiot.

If you cant cook an egg any style in a hot pan go back to r/culinary you hack

Fuck me, why am i retarded
Ah well, I'll get it right next time.

Plebe central. Does anyone here actually cook for a living or do you just regurgitate shit you see on buzzfeed? Yall are better than this.

If you dont have a gas stove its because theres not a gas line to your house you absolute dumbfuck

Am I on reddit?

yes

>living in alaska and not growing your own food

...

Do you have any idea how long growing seasons are in Alaska?

>not dumping eggs from a bowl

>invited to have a meal with friends
>bitch about it to lonely strangers on the internet
>even had cheap beer too im so miserable

youre actually a cunt.

>trusting a jew in the kitchen
the oven probably triggered her ptsd

>neutral oil
>>white wine vinegar
I think you meant to say soybean oil and apple cider vinegar

i need to get a new skillet mine always come out rubbery crispy but edible

There are Litteraly only two places in America you can get it. If your not in Japan, or one of those restraunts they can legally serve you cow anus and call it kobe.

Kobe beef is supposed to be overpowering,

Maybe if you love incredibly strong flavors pulling the focus from the main dish to the condiment sure

Oh, then it was just shit beef, I feel better about getting it well done then, I thought I wasted a piece of beef.

What's wrong with electric stoves?

Nothing wrong with rinsing the pasta when it's done.

You're not always going to toss it in fucking sauce and if you don't rinse the excess starch off it it will stick you stupid fuck.

speak for yourself buddy
I've never not tossed pasta in sauce post cooking
Never commercially and never at home

I know that some Japanese people prefer to rinse their pasta because they serve sauce on the side, and dip each bit of pasta into the sauce. I guess they do this to get the perfect amount of sauce with each bite? And it's okay to rinse for pasta salads, because you don't want the extra starch thickening the dressing or making the pasta stick.

But other than that, the extra starch helps other sauces adhere to the pasta better and it's unnecessary to rinse it. Just toss it with sauce before it cools down and gets stuck together. You shouldn't be rinsing your pasta every time.

lack of instantaneous temperature control.

>not toasting rice
>not owning a sharpening tool for knives
>adding oil to the pasta water
>seasoning steak
>eating chicken breast
>burning shit on the grill
>Hard boiling eggs to the point the yolk is chalky and not shocking them in ice water
>only 5 spice in the rack

Also there is nothing wrong with an electric stove. It's a consistent heat. Yes gas has it's advantages, but only an idiot can't cook on an electric stove.

Flour tortillas in anything but a burrito is a damn shame.

How many fingers does she have?

You can just take your pan off the heat anytime, just like you can do with a gas stove. And a really powerful induction top will heat your pan faster than gas can, unless you are using one of those jet engine Chinese wok burners.

This faggot actually knows what hes talking about

pls dont bully Chef John

Stop cooking.

this
why are moms against cutting boards

Because they do the dishes and are lazy to scrub boards after for "just one carrot". Untill you sharpen her knife and she cuts apple of her finger off

This.
>pro tip

>Untill you sharpen her knife and she cuts apple of her finger off

This is why my mom lets her knives stay dull. Dad sharpened all of them once like 20 years ago and within a week, we were all at the E.R. because my mom needed stitches.

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