Forgive me father for I have sinned

unripe avocados.

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I consider miracle whip mayonnaise

Another waste story, I bought a watermelon and decided to throw it up in the air a few times and catch it, dropped it and it broke in half then I threw it away.

Also when I worked in a restaurant I would eat customers leftovers out the back while scraping the plates to wash if the food was relatively undisturbed.

It's basically mayo with sugar and mustard. More people would probably think it's okay if they were told it's a honey mustard mayo instead of a straight mayo replacement.

I prefer iceberg over romaine. Romaine has the leafy part that isn't crunchy at all and the stem thing that's too thick while iceberg has a good texture throughout. Romaine is bitter while iceberg has a nice subtle sweet flavor.
I don't like freshly ground pepper. It's too peppery so I prefer pre-ground.
I like well done steak but if I'm not making it for myself I order medium because I don't want to look like a pleb.

youtube.com/watch?v=V6f29aZk3WA

>Otoya_Saves_Japan.jpg

You aren't allowed to stab lawyers even if they are ripe, user :/

It's easy friend. Just fry some onions and garlic in olive oil, maybe splash with red wine, then add diced tomatoes and simmer for a few hours. Once the tomatoes break up, add in spices, such as basil and oregano. That is a basic marinara sauce and the recipe can be played with easily to make many other Italian sauces. A Neapolitan ragù, for example, would have you brown some assorted meats and sausage and simmer them in the sauce for hours. A Roman oxtail ragù would be the same as a Neapolitan ragù, but with oxtail instead of assorted meats and sausage and with diced celery as well as onions and garlic. But once you have the basic marinara down, everything else is easy.

I make pasta in my rice cooker because I'm too lazy to do it manually.

i cut into a subway sandwich artist and didnt even wash my hands first

I can't force myself to handle meat without medical gloves. I instantly get gag reflex.

I'm a paramedic, I'm completely used to all sorts of disgusting shit including shit itself. Handling a dirty hobo's disease-ridden dick is just "yet another day at work"
But I do all of this in gloves.
Can't live in the kitchen without them.

I once use apple juice instead of apple cider vinegar.

It did not go well. I'm ashamed of myself.

Interesting. I too think handling a big, pink raw slab of meat is pretty disgusting. But I dont have to wear gloves.

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>it's easy
>a few hours

you completely miss the reason why it is not done

How do you simmer then without burning the tomato's?

Do you know what the word simmer means?

I just looked it up. So I gotta have it on low heat then? I guess that's why I kept messing up.

Jesus Christ.

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I fucking love fake, cheddar flavoured plastic "cheese". And I constantly have great quality actual cheese available but nothing melts as well into a cheeseteak or cheeseburger, man.

I'm a shit cook who knows plenty in theory, but always fucks up even slightly complex things, because I have a small shitty kitchen which always lacks space, an inability to multitask, and I'm very bad at estimating time and amounts. Either something burns, goes cold/turns out undercooked, or simply tastes bland, or like shit.

Doesn't stop me trying though.

why are you even here

I love boiling pasta/potatoes late at night and just standing over the stove to breath in the hot steam. It feels warm and helps my sinuses.

same here. i always have kraft singles in my kitchen and i like to use it more than other cheese for many meals

>had to look up what simmer means
>posting on Veeky Forums
I know that everyone has to start somewhere, but come the fuck on, man.

i only get skeeved out by chicken and bacon
other meats are secsee

you're probably trying to do too much
walk before you run

Incredible

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There are plenty of real melting cheeses that don't break as easily like mozzarella, fontina, provolone, etc. You should read this:
seriouseats.com/2015/08/the-science-of-melting-cheese.html
You can also turn any real cheese into a processed-like one for melting purposes yourself using sodium citrate:
aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2011/07/the-burger-lab-how-to-make-any-cheese-melt-like-american-almost.html
cooksscience.com/articles/story/cooks-science-explains-sodium-citrate/
Never settle for commercial food labs' science when you can make it your own.

Dude

>implying most of Veeky Forums knows shit about cooking

hahaha include me in the ebin screencap guys xDD

I'll allow it

For preparing mashed potatoes I used to boil them without the peel.

You're the kind of person we need here.
Thank you.
>only partial homo

Same

To learn how to cook

lurk more

This guy NEEDS to be here to fix himself.

>i sometimes use garlic powder
> i never have fresh herbs
>i buy bread

What's wrong with buying bread?

>leaving a stock pot on the stove set to low and occasionally stirring is hard

I have a jew friend that does the same thing for the same reason.

why would you have to stir noodles?

Bread guy here-while I don't look down on people for buying bread cuz I understand that not everyone who eats a lot of bread has the time or inclination to do it themselves, a lot of store-bought bread is really pretty crappy. Loads of empty carbs, sweetened with HFCS as often as not, generally produced and flavored in the cheapest way possible (I went into a little bit of a sperg-rage when I learned that most commercial "sourdough" is just produced by adding fucking white vinegar to bread dough.)
If you're talking about buying baguettes or other artisan bread products rather than sandwich materials-oh, dude, don't feel bad about that. I've been baking for like 4 years and I still can't make a fucking sweet baguette the way I want it to taste.
It's possible to buy well-made, healthy sandwich bread in some parts of the country but you start paying bullshit prices for it. I live in California so there's all kinds of organic, artisan sandwich bread, but it goes up to like 7 bucks a loaf sometimes.

I don't feel bad about any of the stuff I do wrong with food. I put ketchup as well as mustard on hot dogs because that shit tastes good. I regularly use store-bought mayo because it's worth the couple extra bucks to have a shelf-stable long-term batch and not have to whip up my own aioli every time I make a burger. I cook with incredibly processed ingredients like soup cubes and kool-aid. I ADORE MSG. I buy it under the brand name Accent Flavor Enhancer (although Aji-No-Moto is another good producer) and that shit is like Doctor Bronner's for your tongue: aside from bakery, you can use it for everything.

I don't buy canned beans though. I may be a rebel, but I'm not a fucking animal.

I could also grow my own wheat and vegetables and cast my own pans and make my own burners, but I don't.

Can I make a loaf of tasty sandwich bread without investing 6 hours into it?

I DO THIS TOO

except i drink a cup of green tea everyday and let the hot steam flow under my nose to open/moisture my sinuses

I overcook most meats because I'm afraid of stuff being undercooked and I lost my meat thermometer.

This happens to me but with fried plantains.

I do all my cooking by trial and error, and dont ever look up recipes. A vast number of ribeye steaks have been ruined from not knowing how to cook or trying some retarded thing with them.

Get a Thermapop. They are $25 routinely with ubiquitous sales/coupon codes.