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Worst Tourist Thread
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>be a leaf
>enjoying my meal at a fine leaf establishment, perhaps with friends or family
>suddenly hear a glass-shattering, ear-splitting guffaw from the table next to ours
>"A HYUCK HYUCK THIS HERE CANADER SURE IS WEIRD!!!!"
>turn my head, suddenly make eye contact with a 500 pound dough-creature and his equally fat wife, chortling hard as they slurp gravy from a bowl
>turn back, oh god, maybe he won't-
>"WELL A HOWDY THERE STRANGER"
>hamplanet comes up behind me wearing an American flag t-shirt that barely covers his immense girth, have to force a smile and greeting
>"HOW'S YER MEAL GOING, PARDNER? BOY, YER CUNTRY SURE IS A RIGHT FUNNY ONE, TOO MANY POLAR BEARS AROUND HERE, EH????"
>ha ha ha, yes sir, now if you wouldn't min-
>immediately get struck on the back with the force of tactical nuke, nearly catapulting my now-ruined meal out of my esophagus
>am forced to listen to this beast repeat his life story over the span of nearly an hour
>"WELL, I'LL CATCH YA ON THE FLIP SIDE, MUH LUMBERJACK PAL!! GOTTA GO SEE THAT NIGGERA FALLS!"
>never return to that restaurant again
They don't get sick because they're used to dirty conditions
Why are Anglos such bad tourists?
>be Hamburger Ambassador to Cucknada
>wife comes along because she wants to see the crazy Canucks in their natural habitat
>decide to stop at an old restaurant for a bite
>waiter doesn't come to seat us and apologizes profusely in Chinese
>ask for an all-beef hamburger, coke, and a side of freedom fries
>apologizes again and states that they only have beaver on hand, I have to explain to this socialist what "freedom fries" are too
>delivers the food and the buns are Tim Hortons donuts, they put cheese and gravy on my fries which I happily eat thinking this is my due for being such a good ambassador of my country
>quickly comment at the satisfying strangeness of such a backwards civilization, local hears me and mumbles an apology
>seeing as I upset this fellow somehow I walk up and give him a friendly pat, his frail figure almost tumbles out of his chair
>poor soul probably hasn't had his daily dose of HFCS and trans fats yet
>try to calm the poor soul with a good ol' country story and tales of a better life in Freedomland
>visibly shaken I cut my story short and realize I'm late for my trip to Niggera Falls
Was a pretty fun trip but the locals are too soft. They need a war or two to toughen 'm up I think.
Fuck off leaf!
All you Canuck snow birds --or should I say, snow niggers-- come down to my island paradise on the southeast coast and shit the place up. With all the Chinese taking over your country, I can only assume their slant eyed women are teaching y'all how to drive. It's either that or your maple syrup soaked brain can't figure out how to convert your stupid kill-o-meters into our damn freedom miles!
DAY OF THE RAKE WHEN?
Inbreeding probably.
Shit that never happened
Bitterness after losing grip on all the countries they conquered.
Doesn't matter as long as I get (You)s.