What can get me drunk the fastest with the lowest amount of calories

What can get me drunk the fastest with the lowest amount of calories
Pls respond

Liquor, moonshine preferably.

distilled alcohol, the highest purity. the higher the purity the faster the effect, and the less place for other types of calories. but if you actually care about calories you should not be drinking under any circumstance.

Moonshine

>You shouldn't be drinking
I know m8tie.
I am heading out to a bar with friends tonight and I really don't want to be sober there.

99% alcohol form the pharmacy.

Clonazepam

Drink the highest proof clear spirit they sell there.

40% vodka, or 100% spirit if you can stomach the taste
vodka is almost entirely water and alcohol, I think a good vodka shot is delicious, though it's best with snacks

Everclear

This
With this

Yeah I was gonna just drink vodka + some diet mixer all night long. Just wanted to see if anyone had any other suggestions.

>Not straight alcohol
s-sorry friends

vodka cranberry is always good. v easy to chug em down

Lab grade ethanol
But you'll have to do some math to dilute it

And then OP goes blind because it contains methanol as well.

Lab grade ethanol is not denatured. That's what makes it "lab grade" rather than the stuff you'd get at the hardware store.

>diet mixer
>being this much of an alcohol noob

S E L T Z E R W A T E R

Hand sanitizer

>Tfw I don't like the taste of alcohol and will gladly drink garbage like cosmos or Malibu bays
>Someone once bought me two whiskey (I think) + seltzer and I just abandoned both of them cause they tasted disgusting

It helps if you're already drunk. The best way to get better at drinking alcohol is by drinking more alcohol. I used to think alcohol was disgusting until I went on a beach week when I was in college. After that, I stopped being so disgusted by it because it's mostly psychological.

You sound like a huge fag

...

lsd

Prob am tbqhfam

Useful list, thanks!

This post screams 'my name is Katie and I love my kappa phi alpha pledge sisters'

Dont eat before you drink, and freeze a beer and poor the concentrated alcohol in. A glass, get a fruity beer for it, might take 2 or 3 but like damn it will get you hit as long as you dont eat

This is the stupidest thing I've ever read.

Where is the wine?

Some people have the taste for it, some don't. I'd try rum if I were you, whiskey is an acquired taste but rum is much easier to like.

Removing the excess water from beer, he wants to get smashed dude. And being a little hungry makes it faster. 100% cheapest way as sugar + alcohol makes you drunk faster

A true drankard has a meal beforehand to last longer, and freeze-distilling beer is fucking retarded.

Also sugar+alcohol doesn't make you drunk faster. Carbonation and aspartame (in diet drinks) have been scientifically proven to get you drunk faster.


If ya wanna get retarded with pulling shit out your ass and throwing it against the wall, you should put Everclear pure grain alcohol in a sodastream and pound it with a packet of Sweet n' Low.

>Carbonation and aspartame (in diet drinks) have been scientifically proven to get you drunk faster.

I dunno about aspartame, but I do know that carbonation is an oddball. In some studies it did indeed result in getting drunk faster. In others it had the opposite effect.

Vodka + glucose + warm water, mix, then pour all into some big pot, and sit in it. Alcohol will be absorbed right into your blood by urAnus.

Why are you drinking if calories are a concern?

everclear 190

Butt chugging vodka

Pull your knees to your chest and shove a bottle of cheap whiskey up your ass until it's empty.

it's also smooth as fuck. god i miss grad-school.

Sorry if it's a dumb question, but can you drink rubbing alcohol?

No. The government makes them put adulterants (read: poison) in it or they have to pay the exorbitant taxes that normal distillers are forced to pay.

Just inject moonshine into your arm. Not much, just maybe 10 mg or so, but it's enough to raise your bac by like a percent or so.

Getdrunknotfat.com

This shit changed my life

I thought I was the only one mixing excess lab ethanol with orange juice
I call it the precision screwdriver

why not call it a pipette

You can, it would just be extremely unpleasant.

Are you a sorority girl?

this kid must be in so much trouble

Lol that get you toe up from the floe up mane

www.getdrunknotfat.com

BUTTCHUG
U
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Listerine

Rubbing alcohol is isopropyl alcohol, and not the ethanol that gets you drunk in liquor. It will not get you drunk, but will give you a killer stomachache and headache

...

surprised no one mentioned enemas, it's the fastest way to get drunk as the alcohol goes directly into your bloodstream via your rectum lining

Suze and soda

I hate the taste of alcohol so I just go with the strongest swill I can find. Pic related, my go-to

sell your blood plasma and buy the cheapest vodka you can find. you'll have a net profit and get completely trashed in a few shots