Coffee alternatives

What are some coffee alternatives that go above and beyond? I feel as if there's a shit ton, but none really stick out to me (health-wise or otherwise). Smoothies do give me a kick, though I don't always have the time or the stuff to make them.

Green tea

Pretty good, though I drink that all the time anyway.

How does it compare to a form like...matcha?

Cawfee

Gween tea

Covfefe

gween tea

C O C K F E E

Cocoa drinks. Cocoa is fairly good for you, but it's usually loaded with too much sugar, so use good unsweetened cocoa powder or cacao nibs and sweeten to taste.

M O N S T E R Z E R O

What's with this shit?

I think people used dandelion as a coffee substitute when it was being rationed, some people probably like it now because it has no caffeine though

meth

But what if we don't have access to drugs
What are our alternatives? Oh the inhumanity

Take the green tea pill! Get a bottle with a filter/mesh just under the mouth, put hot water and tea leaves in the bottle, then wait some time and drink it. Extremely cheap and healthy, but still addicting. Better than coffee though.

Well, I never went with loose leaf but maybe I will.

Just one thing: what sources of tea are dirt cheap but still are quality? I've money but I've been spending it on too many frivolous things. That, and when I'm looking for something new I tend to shop around too much.

Amazon only.

obtain access

rape

Go to a legit Asian market near you, especially if there's a Chinatown. Look for "Tea Shop" or 茶庄. If you absolutely need to get it online, go to teavivre or yunnan sourcing and get the smallest amount to test it.

Also needing the best quality of tea as a beginner is a meme. You start with the cheapest stuff and begin exploring and developing a taste.

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dandelion is the strongest diuretic on the market and is used by professional bodybuilders. i wouldn't recommend it

>be on a COOKING board
>can't cook meth

I think it's essential that I have quick access to base amphetamines at all times. I try not to use unless it's super hectic at work and I'd crack up without it.

Actually, the most used ingredient in that stuff is roasted barley. Dandelion is used for cooking at those new-agey restaurants and salad in some areas so it can't be that bad...maybe...

The dried root is used for a coffee substitute. I've drank it before made from those growing in my yard and I didn't notice any diuretic effects but I only drank 1 cup or so at a time. It had a bitter roasted flavor, but not really much like coffee.

Oh, I see. That makes a whole lot more sense

The stuff seems to have barley, rye, and chicory root. Dunno if that adds any coffee kick to it.

You want alternative caffeine or what? Because I'm unable to comprehend how a smoothie gives you a >kick

Full disclosure: coffee...well, it actually doesn't do anything to me. Just makes me feel sort of bad, but I always like drinking it anyway. Stupid stuff I know. I make a smoothie and minutes afterwards I feel lighter somehow and energetic. No later energy falls. Dunno how that works, but it's nice.

Take iodine instead of coffee
It'll perk you up and cleanse your thyroid at the same time

Some people just react badly to any amount of caffeine but how much coffee did you try drinking and did you drink it on an empty stomach?

You sound malnourished.

As someone who lived in Japan and has been to a few tea ceremonies, I have to advise against chinese green tea. It's just not as good as what you'll get from Japan. That said, you probably don't want to start out drinking matcha as its flavor is pretty overpowering for someone who doesn't drink tea regularly (and even too powerful for some who do).
The tea I'm drinking right now is from a website called Tealyra and it's their "First-flush Gyokuro". It's organic and it's absolutely amazing.
If you're looking for something to replace coffee with, and still have a pretty decent caffeine buzz, this is what you want to try.

tldr; if you're not drinking loose leaf green tea, you're not doing it properly.

...

Green tea.

As user said, probably don't start off drinking matcha. The grassy flavor was slightly off-putting at first, but I've been drinking it everyday for 2 years now.

Health-wise; I have chronic headaches, migraines, and visual issues relating to the former. Drinking matcha tea has fixed those problems for me (if I stop drinking matcha my symptoms start to come back after a day or 2).

mushroom "coffee" is tasty and good for you
chicory (like you get in new orleans) is tasty and has caffeine in it