Reddit can't coo-

If they cured their own meats and sausages and made their own bread like I do, then I'd say they did good. But they didn't. They bought a bunch of factory shit and some prissy numale or neofem wench arranged it. Woopty fucking do!

Plebbit on suicide watch.

You can't expect me to ignore the dozens of flies that are flying around that.

>putting crackers on a table
>cooking
Why are redditors so stupid? They really think that's "cooking".

>reddit can't coo-

Oh...

>but it looks good.

Not even. A bunch of generic and basic food items layed out with with obvious pretentious thought to assume the effect of a 'feast'. If it was a genuine attempt to look impressive than it is a failure.

It looks quite drab and could be easily replicated by buying cheap store brand products and no-one looking could tell the difference.

obviously the product of hours of slaving over the hot shelves of kroger

>Some pretentious art student spends $400 of his student loan money on this, lays it out like a faggot on the table and pretends it makes him a chef.
Reddit was a mistake.

Does Veeky Forums ever get tired of being BTFO'd?

It's exhausting. Sometimes I just want to kms myself after Reddit reks me with their master cheffery

how did i not notice this...

How do people get this bad, Veeky Forums? Like how disillusioned and bitter can one person actually get before reaching suicide?

>Reddit can't coo-

Oh...

I don't get the charcuterie circlejerk

The reddit cooking board fucking sucks. The good fake shit gets upvoted up and whenever there is fake ugly shit the post gets upvoted up then LOCKED afterwards to prevent people from shitting on the food.

I prefer Veeky Forums where everyone shits on food, good and bad.

He's got a point, you know...

really makes me think

The main difference between plebbits cooking sections and Veeky Forums is that plebbitors are retarded enough to actually do that kind of shit, post it, and expect praise.
Veeky Forums might do it for a laugh, but nobody outside of the hyper-autist would make something like that seriously.

>actual cooking etc reddit is superior
See above.
Now go back from whence you came.

I never realized that suburban backyards had such plentiful farm land to raise all that meat and vegetables

>Hey Bill, what're you bringing to the company potluck?
>My famous home-made french onion dip!
>Sounds great, can't wait to try it!

>Bill why are there 30 empty containers of generic-brand french onion dip in the break room?
>JUST CAUSE I DIDNT MAKE IT FROM SCRATCH DOESNT MEAN ITS NOT HOME MADE!!!!!

a half-ass charcuterie and uncurated cheese board

wow what a fucking spread

That's not cooking, that's food arrangement.
Also, while that display is photogenic, it's impractical, since people would be constantly reaching across the table to get bits. It would be better set up on a sideboard.

>All premade
Nice bait

...

We've already gone passed suicide.
Veeky Forums is populated by ghouls.

feast for flies

if this all cost more than $80 i would be surprised

yOu tELLLLLLLLLLLL them!

They can't. That's all store bought.

The ligthning is bad, looks pretty good though.

None of you newfag cunts can cook either

This is the most reddit tryhard spread I've ever seen. Lacks substance, too. How many different cheeses are there? The meats look low-grade. And how many crackers do you really need? Jesus

>dude i got an idea
>just throw everything on the table

Is that fucking microwave popcorn?

>just because you didn't make it doesn't mean you didn't make it! Duuuhhhh.

DESU I think this is a nice spread, I'd fill the fuck up on meats and cheeses. But if anyone claimed that this spread "made them a great chef" I wouldn't be able to hold in my laughter.

my ancestors :-)

>-k

This is disgusting, at least separate bread from the cold cuts, and cold cuts from the cheese.

>meat and cheese platter
>cooking

Not cooking.

Bad cooking.

Prove it. You're making a claim; the burden of proof is on you. Prove that no-one on Veeky Forums can cook.

>obvious pretentious thought to assume the effect of a 'feast'.

The random olive branches really gave it away

>if you can't make a proper wine reduction. You can't cook.

Prove me wrong

He is completely right

Wrong.

>nothing but a bunch of sticks and leaves

Kek

I fucking hate Reddit

Jesus Christ

...

You are retarded.

is that pic related? cause i can't really find anything that's cooked

>obvious joke thread
>hurr dude nice bait!

huh, they are right those things really DON'T melt

kek

>Cold plate
>Cooking

Dude. Please. It looks good but nothing there wasn't bought from the store. They just put it together to look pretty.

I get that it's not reasonable to make most things absolutely from scratch. And if you get really anal, there's no such thing as anything "from scratch" at all.

But when you say you cooked something, the expectation is that you did more than cut it into pieces / arrange it with other food.

I can literally buy all of this from the Safeway Deli.

There was no cooking involved in your pic OP.

So i guess reddit still can't cook..

who are you quoting

>UUUHHM excuse me.... can you CITE that?

holy smokes, it looks like we got another faggot here, boys

who are you quoting

What the fuck kind of countertop is that?

Laying out a spread is not "cooking".

>throw grapes, 10 boxes of crackers and FUCKING LEAVES on a table
wow

>putting meat and cheese on some bread is not cooking guys, trust me you are just displaying food in the form of a sandwich

Do you realize how stupid you sound to everyone hear?

what about the stuff right in the middle? won't it be awkward reaching that far?

Diferent user.

1) That food is not assembled into sandwiches.

2) Even if it was, a cold sandwich is not cooking. At most, it's assembling. If you made the bread or cooked the meat yourself, I could call it cooking, but most of what's in those pics is store-bought shit that's just been unpacked.

You calling this cooking is like you calling calling a fapping session the great romance of your life. Being the closest you'll ever get doesn't make it so.

>hey nice salad, who made it?
>oh some mexican did, I just assembled it for you :)

Unironically yes. Sorry to burst your bubble over your amazing "cooking" skills, champ.

..yeah? did you think it was somehow NOT what you said? I'm certainly not going to take credit for something as having "cooked" it unless I either a) spent like over an hour on it if it's a raw dish, or b) actually applied heat with some degree of finesse to the dish.

Everything else is just 'arranged' or 'put together' in my book; I certainly wouldn't describe fucking charcuterie as """"""""""cooking"""""""""".

that's nice that you 'mos feel that way, but it is not the definition of cooking. So, you're unironically incorrect and just trying to elevate your hobby into something that it is not

>semantics
Go shitpost more "Do Americans really do X" threads on /pol/, you faggot.

If you want to discuss something it first has to be defined. For you to redefine cooking just so you can get some snowflake points does not make you a smart or capable person. If you're a girl I'd understand, but let's be honest, you're a nu-male try hard who needs something to crow about.

>just trying to elevate your hobby into something that it is not

???????????????????????

lmfao dude im literally doing the EXACT OPPOSITE

YOU are the one saying that fucking laying meats and cheeses on a piece of wood is "something that it's not"; namely, cooking.

how the fuck are people as retarded as you allowed to even use the internet

Lmfao

heyy u went sum grapes to go wit ur crakers??

>cook·ing
>noun
>the practice or skill of preparing food by combining, mixing, and heating ingredients.

AND.
Combining, mixing, AND heating.

Putting out cold cuts and store-bought cheese and crackers? Not cooking.
Cold sandwiches? Not cooking.
Cold salads? Not cooking.

>LOGICAL FALLACY THE BURDEN OF THE PROOF IS ON YOU

take this shitty thread less seriously

>wouldn't describe fucking charcuterie as """"""""""cooking"""""""""".

Curing sausages and meats isn't cooking? Give it up. You're a fool, faggot.

>AND.
I read OR when I googled it.

so grilling a steak is not cooking because you do not mix ingredients?

looks bretty good desu

but still... that doesn't take talent!

salt and pepper, cooked
plain, then it has only been heated up

Pic related.

>OH FUCK HE'S BLOWING ME THE FUCK OUT
>BETTER CALL HIM A TRYHARD
Nice damage control, fag. I'm off to watch Soviet cartoons with a friend. Try not to be too huge a cunt, eh?

That user's wrong; charcuterie is cooking. But you can't seriously think most of those meats came from somewhere other than a supermarket.

See

well to be fair your body temperature will be warmer than anything you're using, so you are heating everything you touch so it is still cooking, logically speaking.

1. COMBINE and MIX the meat and cheese on the table, by arranging the meat next to the cheese
2. allow the meat and cheese to HEAT up to closer to room temperature before eating it, because you don't generally eat it at the temp it comes out of the fridge
3. enjoy some nice home COOKED meal

I'm talkiung about the act of making a charcuterie plate like the ones that have been posted; you can't fucking look me in the eye (metaphorically) and tell me with a straight face that every single one of them was made with meats that the person cured and smoked themselves.

if they (or I) did, then yeah, you bet your sweet ass that's cooking. but taking storebought sausages and salamis and wheels of cheese, then arranging them on a platter or wood block, is ABSOLUTELY NOT cooking.

but please, continue intentionally misinterpreting what I'm posting.

HAHAH underratted

uncurated

not a word, bro.

i didn't realize buying cheese and crackers and deli meat is cooking

...