Jewish recipes

you need the blood of a vigrin boy taken on a full moon
thats the secret to jewish food

Why would you want to make Jewish food for them? They are Jews, they eat that shit all the time. Also, you won't get the recipe right for the first time most probably, so you are giving them inferior food as well. Try something that is not too extreme from your area, maybe make something international for a backup.

Make sure he's Palestinian

So true

A baby's forskin served in its own blood sauce

Take one Jew
Throw in oven
Turn gas on high
Bake until tender

If more than one Jew is coming over, repeat as necessary.

I did think this initially. But the gf seems to think it will be well recieved. It's just for the first night, then it's over to the less extreme local fayre.

Great suggestions, from people. Thanks!

You should make crab cakes and pork rolls.

...

Whatever you're making, be sure to incorporate pork and shellfish, Jews love that stuff. But don't tell them until after they've eaten. Makes for an extra pleasant surprise!

Well, looks like this thread turned out just like you expected since you had 2 ideal /pol/tard triggers: jews and gf.

For an appetizer, I'd suggest lox with lavash, chopped boiled egg, onions and capers. It's salmon season so you could cure a wildcaught sockeye fillet in 24 hours and make your own lavash. I have recipes for both, but since this is just a /pol/tard bait thread, I doubt I'll post them.

You should tell them that there will be bacon at your house.

Your salad, sir.

Bagels

are they observant? if, so are you going to kasher your kitchen? are all ingredients kosher certified?

Roast chicken is the simplest and best option. I personally hate matzah but it does fit well into the dinner plan. I think the best dessert would be a simple fruit salad.

It's called smoked salmon and Armenian bread.

>they are Jews
>I want to surprise them

Jews would expect their guest to dish out the finest, they're modern but traditionalists at heart. I made a list for you, pick what you feel comfortable preparing for them.
Shrimp & lobster
BBQ some burgers, but don't be a cheapass, melt some cheese on every burger and make sure there's bacon ontop melted into the cheese
Mussels as appetizers
Pork chops
Crabs
Steak, get some good quality steak, slather it in butter before grilling and after, jews love fatty foods, they love schmaltz
and one final thing, slather everything in real butter, no cheap mass produced super market brand butter or margarine.

You can always count on the redneck humor to be not funny.

Pic from Sammy's in NYC.

I'm in NYC you hick!

>redneck humor
I wonder who's the retard in this equation lmao

Wrong. Sarge's Deli goy.

Some of it was funny. The reason Jews are easy to make fun of is that there's a bunch of them that think you're not a real Jew unless you abuse women and you have a cow and burn down your house if your vegetable spoon touches your milk spoon.

Sammy's would probably be considered on the same level as a McDonalds lobster roll with a Hamas logo toasted into the bun to someone living in Kiryas Joel. Women freely mingling with men. Food hasn't been kept away from the filthy hands of goyim from the moment it was harvested, and so on.

>redneck humor
LOL nigger you know nobody likes jews right? I know people from all countries and colours that hate jews. :)
You are the dumbest person ITT t b h.

Fuck off back to

Guessing he either lives in one of those self-segregated places like Boro Park, or he lives in a place where there just aren't any Jews at all, like flyover land.

Fuck off back to >>>/Reddit/

its actually a historic reference but you can always count on liberal pseudo intelectuals not to get them

I recommend that you make a normal dish that does not use matzoh - jewish people hate matzoh! they are forced into eating this for a fucking month every year! make things that can be made with normal ingredients like latkes, google "kosher style". In my experience Jewish people just eat the same dishes, just no pork products and no dairy cooked with meat (so you cannot butter fry onions for a beef brisket soup for example).

This, I'm israelie and matzah is balls out disgusting. Try for some Jachnun if it's on Saturday, it's delicious and not hard to make (requires overnight cooking though).

Also completely forget this! Challa will be important. Maybe some salad too, but try for a more israelie style (most families I know go bell pepper, tomatoes, cucumber, little bit of parsley. Top with lemon juice and salt and a little bit of olive oil.)

Possibly because Matzahs traditionally should have gentile blood in them.

Fucking jews.

You've been on here too long, you've become hypervigilent.

Why does this have to be /pol/bait? It was intended to be Veeky Forums bait, for actual recipes. I've happened to catch a few /pol/acks whilst I'm fishing. So what? It's to be expected, I'm ignoring it. Seen it all before.

Having a gf with Jewish friends is a perfectly reasonable scenario. If I wanted to Jew bait /pol/ I'd go to /pol/. Nothing gets them going more.

Post the recipes please.

I've noted the Matzoh thing, Cheers.

Some good suggestions. Plenty to look in to.

>Why does this have to be /pol/bait?

1) Every "jew" thread is polbait.
2) The question doesn't even make any sense. Why would a visitor want to eat a poorly-made imitation of "home food". Fuck no, you serve visitors whatever is local/special to your area.

don't spend too much

Youre on the wrong side of the internet Shlomo.
(Most jewish food is basically palestinian food or eastern europe food they just straight up said "this is jewish food now" just like their names in hollywood and back in the day in germany)

Because you are a retard for wanting to make jewish food for jewish people when they come.
For what fucking reason, they know jewish food.
Just serve whats regional, in season and is a classic food of the area.

Fucking mong,

Also, letting jews into your household, this time and year.
dumb

SEEEEEEEETHING
You are so fucking mad right now nigger. :DDDD

OP is a cuck.

Fucking this. Nobody on vacation wants to eat a poorly-made imitation of what they normally eat. Get your guests something new and different. Make whatever YOU cook well, or whatever is special in your area.

You obviously have never tried to make anybody feel welcome or learn anything new.

Keep your poorly made shit to yourself. I happen to be an excellent cook. Might not be like their family homecooking, but It's for one night only and I'd like to learn. The rest of the time we're eating local.

You are seriously the most estrogent ridden poster ive seen in a while, i cant put my finger on it but every letter you write oozes numale with glasses and flanell shirt,

Thank you. Not too different from a salad I make anyway. Sounds nice!

Jewish food = arab food

Basically the same with a few differences.

Fuck Israeli food, eastern europe jewish food is where its at.

>You obviously have never tried to make anybody feel welcome

You don't need to attempt to approximate home to make people feel welcome. You can extend hospitality without trying to copy home. And speaking as someone who travels a lot, the LAST thing I want is for someone to make me "home". Make what you like, not what you think I want.

>>or learn anything new.
You can experiment with learning new cuisines without serving them to your guests.

>>I happen to be an excellent cook.
Nobody was insinuating you weren't. The point is:
1) Even if you're an amazing cook, your first time making new food is likely to be mediocre. Why foist that upon a guest?
2) The last thing a guest would want is the same food as home. Cook them one of your personal dishes--something they'd only get from you.

Might be because I'm female. Biologically.

Muh degenerates.

Huh? Never heard of that. Matzah is bad because it's flavorless and hard. Matzah Ball soup is delicious, and Matzah Briach too, but why would you make then when it's not Passover?

this

>im not jewish but im offended on their behalf
ty anonymous liberal hero

Some decent points. I might just make something local and ask the wife if she'd mind showing me how to make something.

Did you just assume OP's gender! :O

Ruuuuuuuuuuuun!

I really like cabbage rolls, but I hate how long they take to make them right. I can get them down to 4 hours, but not any quicker. Also, they're a bit insuffereable to make in the heat.

motherwouldknow.com/jewish-stuffed-cabbage/

google "blood libel" idk why it is such an enduring bullshit bait.

...

Latkes are always a hit and super easy once you get the hang of it. The key is really getting as much moisture as possible out of the potatoes before forming the batter. They also give the advantage of being able to customize to your cooking style. I think it's always cool to cook one of the classics and put your own personal spin on it.

Brisket is also pretty easy. It's always better smoked but a slow oven roast sliced thin on rye is just fine too.

...Seriously? No one? I guess its up to me.

OY VEY GOYIM.

The Jews, they love Chinese FOOD, make them some Chinese food or just order Chinese take-out.

Ok, I'll post the recipes for lox and lavash.

Lox
2 very fresh sockeye salmon side, pin bones removed
1 cup kosher salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 bunch fresh dill
Grated lemon peel
Mix salt and sugar. Coat both sides of each filet rubbing it in. Sprinkle lemon peel over one side of each filet. Lay dill on one filet. Cover with other filet. Wrap tightly in plastic wrap. Put in shallow container with a few pounds weight on top (canned goods, beans in a plastic bag, etc.). Keep in refrigerator 24 hours. Rinse well and slice very thinly. If you have the setup you can cold smoke it, but it's excellent without smoking. You can do only 1 filet, just halve the salt and sugar.

Lavash
14 oz AP flour
1/4 cup sesame seeds
1 tsp salt
1 egg
2 Tbs melted butter
2/3 cups water
Mix salt, sesame seeds and flour. Add egg, butter and water. Mix until it comes together. Knead 4 minutes. Cover and rest 30 minutes while preheating oven to 375F. Roll out strips as thin as you'd like (I like a thin cracker like consistency so I roll out to 4 on my pasta machine) and place on lightly oiled cookie sheets. Bake 16-18 minutes until lightly browned like my previous pic.

Brilliant. Cheers for sharing, I'll keep these handy.

Can't go wrong with some challah bread and schmaltz.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHA

dipshit

So you're a Muslim then?

Here's an actual recipe. I got it from my grandmother. She's not Jewish but she has a lot of jew friends.

Pic related, it's one of my attempts at this recipe.

Dammit, forgot the recipe.

3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus
1 (2 tsp) package dry yeast
1 egg, beaten
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 tablespoon salt
1/3 cup sugar
1 cup warm water (80 -90)
Glaze: 1 egg, beaten

Directions:

1. First measure out all your ingredients.
2. Now from the 1/3 of cup sugar take 1 tablespoon of the sugar & combine it with the yeast & warm water (you know you have the right temperature of warm water when it's warn to the touch). This is called "proofing the yeast"
3. After the yeast has dissolved (it's nice & foamy) add to it the rest of the sugar, salt & 1 1/2 cups flour.
4. Mix well.
5. Add egg (already beaten) & oil.
6. Slowly start mixing in most of the remaining flour. The dough will become quite thick. When the dough pulls away from the sides of the bowl, turn it onto a floured surface & knead for approximately 10 minute.
7. Add only enough additional flour to make dough manageable. Knead until dough is smooth & elastic, springing back when pressed lightly with your fingertip.
8. Place dough into a large oiled bowl turning the dough once so its oiled on all sides.
9. Cover with a damp towel & let rise in a warm place for 2 hours, punching down in 4-5 places every 20 minutes. After the 2 hours, turn your dough onto your working surface.
10. Prepare your baking sheet by oiling it.
Preheat oven to 375ḞF.
11. Next, cut the dough into thirds.
Roll each third out till its about 10-12 inches (I'm guessing I never measured it) & loosely braid all 3 roll together pinching the top & bottom half together& turning them slightly under.
12. Place on baking sheet.
13. Now let the challah rise for 1/2 an hour or until approx. doubled.
14. After the challah has risen glaze with beaten egg.
15. Put in preheated oven & let bake for exactly 25 minutes. Turn off oven and let sit in oven for exactly 10 min or 200 deg on insta read thermometer.
16. Remove from oven.

source: food.com/recipe/famous-challah-90765#ixzz1unFzuNat

That recipe sounds pretty good and the cross section looks alright. But braid that shit or else you look like a goy.

Normally I do but I made a loaf that time because I made BLTs with it. I have no pics of my braided loaves though.

>this whole thread
>no one suggests Bacon Cheeseburgers

honestly i'm not sure if i'm proud or disapointed

its basically eastern euro food but also try makin em matzo brei

real comfort food shit right there