ITT: The worst thing your mom cooked for you as a child

pleb

The saddest part was that she really could cook - her pot roast and her chicken stew are among the best I've ever tasted. It was when she was trying to be frugal, or got taken in by one of those awful recipes published in 1970's women's magazines that her cooking got really grim. Here's another awful one that I'm sure came from a 70's women's magazine:

Spam and Seashells

Overcook one pound of small shell shaped pasta. In a frying pan brown cubed Spam with chopped onion. Add one jar Ragu sauce. Toss cooked pasta in to coat evenly, then pour into a baking dish. Top with a thick layer of grated cheese from a green can. Cover and bake for 1/2 hour at 350.

My father wouldn't eat that one, so she made for us kids when he went on business trips. When I was five years old I thought it was amazing. Tried making it as an adult and realized I had terrible taste as a kid.

My mother would make "pot roast" in the crockpot. Not so bad right? But she would have that shit swimming in cream of mushroom soup. To this day the thought of eating that slop...

She would cook these and make them a """"""""""salad""""""""" by smothering them in mayo and sugar. Absolutely vile.
It makes me mad because I grew up thinking I hated the vegetables, but it turns out they're delicious with a simple dash of salt and pepper

>Mac n cheese noodles

Those frozen mixed vegetables were a real fucking foodcrime, but there was no escaping them in the second half of the 20th Century in America. Pretty sure my mother still keeps them in her freezer.

"Hamburger steaks"
>shitty ground beef crudely formed into patties so that it still has a stringy texture
>bake in an oven until they're "extra well-done" (mom was/is completely paranoid about any undercooked food)
>that's literally it
I think she got it from some Salisbury steak recipe but kept cutting unnecessary ingredients until all that remained was baked meat pucks
I learned to appreciate ketchup's masking powers, plus if you ate them on their own they'd be too dry to swallow since they'd turn into gravel after a few seconds of chewing

I could eat anything execpt boiled brussel sprouts. I just can't eat them, they make me puke.

With modern freezing methods, they are ok veggies when your mind is asleep and you need sustenance.

Sometimes, when the stars align, you can go to a pizza place where they serve pork filet-banana-bearnaise pizza. (on top of cheese and tomato sauce ofc.)

pussy

>Liver
>Gravy
>Taters

That texture combo. Just wrong. Only thing I can think of (except licorice) that I refused to eat.

>I learned to appreciate ketchup's masking powers
I think that's why the stuff was so popular back in the day. Meals of well done meat and potatoes were much more standard in the last Century than they are today. And if these meals were served without any kind of sauce or gravy ketchup was used to choke them down. I don't think people really loved ketchup so much back then, I think it was just necessary given the way so many people cooked.

idk, man. When I think about vegetable dishes I never think, "a mix of carrots, peas, corn and green beans would really do the trick." Really, what's that supposed to be beyond a vehicle for butter?

Those are goat for a quick fried rice or enhancing an instant noodle.

My mother grew up poor, and as a result, she absolutely WOULD.
NOT.
LET. ANYTHING.
go to waste.

Any time something in the fridge was about to turn bad, she would sneak it into a dish to make sure it got eaten.

>come home from college for a nice home cooked meal
>macaroni and cheese
>oh boy
>*take bite*
>mom what in the fuck is this
>elbow macaroni and cheddar cheese
>oh yeah, also a tub of cream cheese and cottage cheese
>WHATS THE DIFFERENCE user ITS ALL CHEESE RIGHT???

It's not for when you can think. It's for when you can't think.

When I see them in a rice all I can think is "cheap and lazy." They're really not bringing much in the way of flavor or texture to it, just color and the illusion that it's healthy because there's some visible vegetable matter. Really, if you're doing fried rice wouldn't onion, garlic, ginger, scallion and maybe a little bell pepper be a much better combination of vegetables in it?

Agree with you 100%, which is why I never buy that shit. I have no interest in mindless food. It's never good.

Wrong, bell pepper sucks. Baby peas that go "pop" in your mouth are the best part of fried rice and you know it.
Texture > taste

Fried rice and instant noodle are kind of lazy meals to begin with, and FWIW, frozen vegetables are more nutritious than fresh ones, so it makes me feel better I'm getting something instead of pure sodium and carbs.

Frozen mixed vegetables are the absolute worst.

Just buy broccoli.

>Fried rice and instant noodle are kind of lazy meals to begin with
I'm ignoring the instant noodles. Fried rice can be really fucking good as long as you don't get super lazy about it, and frozen mixed vegetables are lazier than I can go.
>frozen vegetables are more nutritious than fresh ones
Radically untrue as a sweeping general statement. Frozen vegetables are more nutritious than out of season vegetables trucked in from California that sat in your supermarket's walk in fridge for a week before being put on the shelves. They are not more nutritious than local, fresh, in season vegetables from your garden or farmer's market. It's the height of summer if you live in the Northern Hemisphere, which means there's fresh stuff in season near most major population centers. No reason to bother with frozen veggies this time of the year.

lunchables

My mother actually loves me so I never had to deal with this shit.

chicken soup made from unseasoned chicken breast, potatoes and carrots in store bought carton chicken broth with a lethal amount of salt added

I think the only reason she could eat it was because she used a slotted spoon and didn't take any broth

My mom did the same thing, but with apple instead of banana. I'm certain it was one of those 50's horror foods that was allegedly special.

One time we had the pork chops with boiled lima beans as a side. My brother and I waited until my mom went to the bathroom to run into yard and dump dinner down the ground hog's hole

she decided to humor my sister's new found vegetarianism by serving the rest of the family for dinner just pan fried tofu. to spice things up every condiment in the fridge was placed on the dinner table. this was the last attempt at vegetarian cooking.

Shake and Bake chicken...awful.

White people don't eat that shit! That sounds like some ghetto ass Puerto Rican stuff.

>vomit.gif
I ain't clicking that shit

>Shake and Bake
Aw, man. I'd completely repressed the memory of that. My mom used to do Shake and Bake pork chops.

OP here, I'm German. My family is white as it gets and I'm 99% sure they invented this unholy shit. Maybe Germans just went wild with bananas after they got access to them post-WWII but had no actual idea what to use them for.

>Maybe Germans just went wild with bananas after they got access to them post-WWII but had no actual idea what to use them for.
Judging from 1960's recipe collections I've seen it appears much of the Western world did this to some extent.

I ate this exact meal far, far too often.
The shit-on-a-shingle didn't really bother me, it was the goddamn insta-cold pile of peas and fucking retched fruit cocktail in heavy syrup. These two were on regular rotation for dinner time. That and canned pears in syrup. Vile.

The is nothing wrong with cream of mushroom soup as a base in pot roast.

Holy shit, there are actually people who think this?! Is your name Cleetus and are your parents first cousins?

creamed tuna on toast

it was toast, peas, canned tuna, and some sort of cream. She knew I hated it, but never tried anything else other than spaghetti. I'm going to drown her when she becomes more expensive to keep alive than what her retirement check brings in, and I'm going to tell her all the reasons why I hate her right before the event

Idk, but they're definitely evangelicals who home schooled him.

Shit, I forget these people exist. Why do they exist?

Lucky motherfucker. At least you got some meat in it. I grew up extremely poor. Walmart brand hamburger helper without the meat. The milk cut in half with water.

If you can get fresher quality paprika it's supposed to be pretty good. Low quality stuff is just like bland and slightly bitter dust.

I guarantee you won't forget about them if you live amongst them. Pay a visit to the fucking south.

>Overcook one pound of small shell shaped pasta

I actually kek'd.

My dear dear granny took care of us 3-4 days a week during the summer. My mom was a nurse and my dad was often out of town on business, so we would watch taped episodes of Zubilee Zoo (which I hated but my faggot little brother loved) and Rugrats (God tier).

She would cook the Kraft mac+cheese before picking us up, then leave it in the fridge to cool down, and then when reheated in the microwave it would take on this weird granular texture that wasn't good but we ate it anyway and didn't complain because we were usually hungry as fuck after a long day at summer camp. For dessert was margarine and grape jelly on white bread (which I actually fucking loved). This was our meal EVERY SINGLE TIME. She was a child of the depression. She died earlier this year at 92. Fuck she was a good woman and I was a terrible grandson. Now I'm fucking sad.

>Zubilee Zoo (which I hated
Fuck you, buddy.

She loved you, regardless. Don't worry about it.

My mom tired to make me a breakfast sandwich once when I was in 1st or 2nd grade.
It tasted decent,but...
It made me sick.
Anything my mom made was shit.

>fruit in heavy syrup as a dinner item

AMERICA THE BRAVE

My mother couldn't cook the most basic dishes. She put sugar in her spaghetti sauce and overcooked the pasta, her chicken breasts would be as dry as sand and about as flavorful too, even scrambled eggs would either be undercooked or bland. But she could fucking murder some smoked ribs, she could win a competition with them I'm sure. It was really weird, the more complex the cooking process the better she was.

>tfw reading this thread
>tfw I am mom
Those little cunts are getting soylent from now on if this is how I'll be remembered.
Fuck 'em.

My bio mom would always cook the frozen turkey gravey dinners with mashed potatoes or similarly the smoked sausage packages same side dish but this time loaded with mrs.butterworths syrup.

My step mom loves frozen veggies which are god awful and every time she cooks a steak its to tough to eat my jaw practically goes numb while chewing

She loved me more than I deserved. I wish I could have told her that. She wouldn't have remembered anyways. She went downhill hard in her last year and didn't remember anyone except my mom. Fuckkk.

Or just stop feeding them Great Depression era tier food

Look at Scrooge McDuck over here with his Walmart brand hamburger helper and milk with water. If we could've been so lucky. We didn't have anything except our own spit to moisten the noodles up

My mom used to make it, I make it now for my family, and they actually love it. My husband requests it, and my 5yo eats like nothing, but she had two servings of it last time I made it.

I think it helped that I renamed it Killer Whale Food.

A lot of Pepe put sugar on spaghetti. I don't know if it's a Midwestern thing, but there's no excuse for that shit.

Sorry to hear that my dude. Losing family sucks.

maybe it's some kind of Ossi craving for bananas thing?

Worst thing my mom ever made was a cherry pie but she didnt bother to take the seeds out of them.
Almost broke my goddamn teeth because of it and she tried to argue that i dont do anything around the house to help her so she couldnt bother taking the fucking rock hard seeds out of the fucking cherries she put in a fucking pie.
Nobody ate it and it went to waste, she tried her best to show everyone how its easy to chew the fucking PIE and spit out seeds. But she broke her tooth

Smoked paprika makes things better, plus your poop smells nice the next day.

>frozen vegetables are more nutritious than fresh ones
Hold on a minute, where do you get that notion?

my mom is a decent cook, but she really doesn't like to and only ever makes minimal effort things. Growing up it was always pan fried chicken breasts, or pb & js. Also lumpy kraft mac n cheese. After draining she would throw everything in a pot instead of making the sauce first. I got kinda butthurt about it until i realized she doesn't even cook for herself.

>Mfw I now prefer lumpy mac n cheese because of her lazy habit.

My step mother made instant mashed potatoes, boiled frozen vegetables, and shake and bake pork chops for dinner, every night for the decade her and my father were married before he died. If he hadn't been riddled with cancer i would have blamed her cooking.

That's the perfect description of the texture of reheated mac and cheese. I think that was the only thing my parents would make me eat that I would hate.
Also sorry about your grandma user

My mom is a pretty good cook, so I don't really have anything to contribute. Even stuff I didn't like when I was younger I now look back and realize I was probably just being picky. There were a few times she made something that just came out poorly because of a mistake she made, but none of her recipes are inherently flawed, I don't think. I use a few of them myself, nowadays.

Pretty much all of my friends had lazy moms that couldn't cook. A lot of my friends grew up thinking they inherently hated certain foods like meat loaf or pork chops, just because their mother couldn't make it to save her life. I had one friend who thought all soups were trash, just because his mom would never use salt in anything. This same kid, actually, has come to think that spicy=flavorful, specifically because his mom only ever made mild, tasteless shit. The first time he had buffalo sauce, he equated burning his mouth with being tasty.

My mom and dad were both fantastic cooks, and she would make great chicken cutlets, but then my dad (a fat fuck) liked to have her make it chicken cordon bleu which was just that same cutlet but baked with a slice of ham and swiss cheese on top.

It was insanely dense and heavy and wouldn't always mesh well so the ham and cheese would slide off and pull up the breading sometimes.

It could be a mess.

Frozen veg is frozen at the peak of ripeness, it's separated out because it will go bad before it gets sold otherwise. This means that it's packaged and shipped out while the fresh stuff is treated. While the fresh stuff has a chance to let nutrients decay, frozen does not. This obviously only applies to veg that doesn't totally get fucked by ice crystals when frozen, and there isn't that much of a difference. Frozen is much better than canned.

>My mom is a pretty good cook, so I don't really have anything to contribute. Even stuff I didn't like when I was younger I now look back and realize I was probably just being picky. There were a few times she made something that just came out poorly because of a mistake she made, but none of her recipes are inherently flawed, I don't think. I use a few of them myself, nowadays.
Same.
>There were a few times she made something that just came out poorly because of a mistake she made
One time my mom dropped a whole can of grape faygo into spaghetti sauce. It was pretty awful but we kind of suffered through it because it was late.

My mom wasn't a bad cook (My dad was way better desu) but for some reason she thought adding a shitton of cream to normal recipes made them tastier or whatever, sometimes food like chicken pot pie ended up like soup due to the sheer levels of cream they had on them

>four_yorkshiremen.wmv

>dropped a whole can of grape faygo into spaghetti sauce
That's... actually impressive. I feel like a small amount might actually be one of their weird-but-good flavor combos.

>She loved me more than I deserved. I wish I could have told her that.
Very few people get that chance. Just accept that her indulging you was its own reward for her. You were a kid. Of course you took that indulgence for granted. She didn't expect anything beyond that. The fact that she got to do it was enough.

If you feed them soylent they'll hate you just as much. Just learn how to cook user, they'll feel better and so will you.

My parents are both good cooks. If there were ever dishes I disliked, it's because I was a bit picky as a kid.

My grandma, on the other hand. She's not a bad person but she has lots of bad habits that annoy me so let's shit on her a bit anyway.

>cooks generally tasty stuff, but uses way too much fat, oil, butter
>adds extra oil where it doesn't fucking belong, e.g. to chicken soup
>when she was living with us we went through a huge jug of vegetable oil in two weeks
>everyone gains weight, she then comments on how fat everyone has gotten
>melodramatic Jehova's witness, cries about everything (literally)
>my mother once compared her to an octopus that gradually takes everything over by putting her tentacles in it
>takes over all the cooking, then the laundry, then the cleaning
>does it without giving anyone else a chance to do so, then bitches that she's overworked
>numerous times, I had it worked out with my parents that I would clean my room immediately after hanging out with friends, they didn't object
>get home to find my grandma has cleaned it for me
>later hear her bitching on the phone to my uncle that I'm so lazy she has to do everything for me

Goddamn, I care about her, just couldn't stand living with her. A few years and an ocean in between is a decent amount of separation for the stupid gossipy bullshit my family likes to participate in.

>10$ a day for two kids, myself, and a dad that demands second helpings
>sweeping bread crumbs into a bag I keep in the freezer, looking forward to the day it fills so I can make schnitzel
I live a great depression era life.

Very over cooked or undercooked breaded pork chop with soggy crust
Apple sauce
Microwaved dollar store frozen stingbeans with onions and butter and breadcrumbs mixed in cooked extra soggy
Mashed sweet potato disks from the dollar store cooked in the microwave till the texture of the top is leather and the in side is nice and soft

And for dessert a dollar store off brand hand pie microwaved for 1 minute I would get cherry my brother would get apple

Not that's didn't love us or didn't know how to cook but she's cheap and very lazy

I attribute this as the reason I became a chef she would wait for hours to cook dinner because she was to lazy I would ask at 4 what's for dinner
Idk yet user
5 what's for dinner
Idk yet user
6 what's for dinner idk yet user
7 dad gets home what's for dinner honey
Oh I'll defrost pork chops
8 are you gunna start cooking now mom
There still defrosting user
9 are you gunna cook now mom
Ok user
Starts cooking
Puts in over
Goes away for an hour
Microwaves every thing
Takes pork out of oven
10:30 dinner is ready everybody

Many my mom does hate me

>he had enough water to generate spit

richfags please go

>The worst thing your mom cooked for you as a child

My mom was a post-WWII Polish immigrant and never really got the hang of “American food” as I called it when I was a kid (stuff like meatloaf, mac & cheese, etc.) but she could hit it out of the park with her Polish food, all of which I loved except for… flaczki (beef tripe soup).

tastingpoland.com/food/flaki.html

But my Polish immigrant dad love it and mom would cook up a huge witch kettle of stuff and freeze single servings in Tupperware containers for him and and the entire house would reek of it and my dad would tease me every time he ate it; “Ha ha! You want flaczki?! Mmm is good, sonofabitch!”

>Frying bananas
If it was plantains, this meal would make much more sense and might even have historical relevance

OP here. It was normal bananas. My mom isn't a good cook and I don't think she is even aware plantains exist.

Educate her

She doesn't want to learn. Luckily since my dad got promoted we can afford to eat out 4/7 days a week so it's no biggie.

my stepmom would and still does go to an expensive upscale supermarket where she overpays for everything at my father's expense and would make a meal out of unseasoned expensive cuts of meat she'd throw in the slow cooker for 6 hours on the high setting until they were grey mush, a box of uncle Ben's that she'd somehow magically burn, those microwave mushy frozen vegetables that'd be unseasoned, and stale bread she'd have frozen to "keep it fresh"
and my father made us sit down and tell her it was delicious so her feelings wouldn't get hurt every time

>Liver
>Gravy
>Taters
and it is damn heaven when done right...
I feel bad for you, liver and gravy (with buckwheat) is a big part of my childhood, none that I loved, but now I now miss dearly. I loved my grandmas cooking

okay I'm gonna blog more about her
there was one time she attempted cooking something because I'd always cook for the family and people would love it and I think she felt she had to step it up
she made lasagna that was the noodles with huge chunks of broccoli, a runny store bought sauce, and the part that really made it inedible was instead of ricotta she used cottage cheese as the only cheese
it was a watery soupy mess of cheese chunks that sat in the fridge until it got old enough to get thrown out

>vegetarianism
>tofu
why do people always do that shit? I'm a meat-eater and there are dozens of vegetarian (and even some vegan) dishes that are fine as is, yet uni cafeterias and some mums still think "Well, its a perfectly fine vegetarian dish, let's add some fucking tofu to it!"
Shit pisses me off.

>milk cut in half with water
are you black? only people I've ever even heard of of dilluting milk with water are negroes.

>She put sugar in her spaghetti sauce
>A lot of Pepe put sugar on spaghetti
>there's no excuse for that shit

I mean not on plain noodles but fuck, you're supposed to add a bit of sweet to a tomato sauce, you tongueless bastards. Honey or a bit of sugar to a sauce, and the tiniest bit of unsweetened cocoa powder is what makes the difference between a meh and an awesome tomato sauce/soup/chili.

>chicken cordon bleu
>slice of ham and swiss cheese on top
Does he know its supposed to go in the middle, nevermind it's supposed to be beef? Or is it like "thing hawaii" without pineapple for him?

>Frozen is much better than canned.
That is the part that makes sence. The rest of it...

Nope. White as the day is long.

shit's tasty, desu, what are you on about? next thing you'll try to tell me barshtsh isn't any good...

My mom made beef stew once. It smelled good, but the broth was so bland and oily.

I was 8 at the time, so my grasp on words wasn't so good. I assumed "spoiled" referenced something was covered in oil, so I said it tasted "spoiled."

Actually my mom's a pretty effective cook otherwise, but I'm still mad she flubbed beef stew that day. It's like she forgot what salt was good for at the time.