ITT: Restaurant things that trigger you

We hired an exterminator. Gordon Ramsey put that mouse there.

>waiters/waitresses
>no bar seating, having to take up a whole table makes it very clear that I'm alone
>small portions
>no free refills or too much ice in drink

lets talk bars

>multiple televisions showing sports
>incredibly fake waitresses
>waitresses who flirt for tips
>that grease stink
>dim lighting in the bar, bright lighting in dining section
>natural colored wood
>trying too hard with a celtic theme
>Only domestic on tap
>Signs advertising drink specials
>cocktail menu because plebs servings plebs
>Beer advertisements
>Owned by Italians
>menu puts lipstick on a pig I.E. "hand battered fish n chips" "artisan burgers" "gourmet wings"

>host/hostess sits you at the table closest to the bathroom

Is that pinhead larry?

>i refuse to eat at any establishment which is made of wood.

the fuck is your problem?

I agree except I'm for the wood shut, and I'm ok with drink specials and cocktail menus

>tables are too close together
A recipe for disaster

>Off duty cops
>3D shadows

I never eat indoors so if a place doesn't have an outdoor seating option I just carry my table and chair out to the sidewalk.

>tip included as a separate charge

>Another customer sits at the table next to yours
>"Hey how're you're doing"

Gluten free menu options

fucking this
so god damn awkward having someone lead you to the bathroom to open it for you

>waitress touches you as she hands you the check

Think about it while fapping

I live for that moment

>not collectively owned

>A fatso bumps his chair against yours

everytime

>me
>being fat
>the waiter assumes you want ranch with everything
hey can I get a burger?
>you want ranch on that burger?
uh no... and can i get fries with that
>you want a side of ranch to dip the fries in?

Fucking cunts.

That's the only female interaction I ever get. ;_;

>Staffed by regional sprinting champions

What does that have to do with the waiters ass bumping into my elbows while I eat?

>Have you got a mouse by your front door?
>No chef
>Fuck me

>receive soup
>it's colder than my drink is

I understand a kitchen is a busy and stressful place.

But I want people to learn the fucking proper order to plate things, god damn

He has coastal autism. Please be understanding.

He's implying that every fine dining restaurant is a tiny bistro in Hell's Kitchen

Guaranteed rip off if they don't list prices

There are academic studies on the relationship between touching and tipping.

scholarship.sha.cornell.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1111&context=articles

Though for you permavirginz, it might be well worth it to tip a couple extra bucks in exchange for half a second of physical contact from a female.

jesus, no wonder jack wears a hat

Man this triggers the fuck out of me and the problem is I live in a city so it's like that all the time and I have to eat at 5pm if I want to go out

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

this image makes me incredibly sad

that would make me want to eat food truck food in a shady alley

>the waiter acts like your friend
>calls you guys when there are both men and women at the table
>heaven forbid he sits down at the table to take your order

>>calls you guys when there are both men and women at the table

Are you a SJW or just an autistic cuck? This is such a common phrase you I can't see how you would be triggered by it unless autistic or cucked.

So you wouldn't mind if they said gals instead?

Wow do you eat at McDonald's only

The correct way is for the waiter to say"and for the lady?" "And for the gentlemen?"

Fucking millennials, no class, no class at all, I bet u also stare at your phone the whole time

What about the opposite? Whenever I let my hair grow out and get dinner with my girlfriend the waitresses (never waiters) often say "hey ladies" and then realize they fucked up. I just kind of stare blankly at them while they try to damage control. On the plus side, they tend to give me better service afterwards to try to compensate.

I get that I could be mistaken for a chick if you only see my head from behind, but really, waiters and waitresses should know to be a bit more tactful than that. That could seriously piss some people off and more importantly, get themselves hosed on the tip.

It's just perspective. Leave Jack alone.

>>chef's menu that stays the same throughout the year
Surest sign of an awful menu or an autistic chef

???? What if they are neither. Don't you fucking assume gender.

>communal tables

t. Flyover

Seriously fuck that shit. Was at some restaurant in chicago where my friend and I had to sit in the middle of a 6 seat long table. Both of us sandwich between 2 people each like get the fuck away from me im just trying to eat my EGGS

Does Applebee's really not list prices on their menu? I've never been.
The only menus I've seen without prices were clearly for $$$$ restaurants anyway, so I wasn't ever surprised by the actual prices

>kids or babies being obnoxious

>hostess sits you RIGHT next to another group despite the place being almost empty

I had to stop going to Red Robin for this reason. The one in my town always has a hundred kids running around causing general havoc.

Did your Red Robin have a giant plastic mascot in the front? I took my dad to one for lunch, he saw it and said "Is this a fucking chuck-e-cheese?"

i don't think so. this one is attached to a shopping mall

Loud music and/or tv that no one is paying any attention to. Just adding to the noise.

>mason jars for water or similar hipster bullshit

the whole reason I go to red lobster is to watch all the kids

BITCH I SEE THE WHOLE FUCKING RESTAURANT IS OPEN

AT LEAST GIVE ME ONE TABLE OVER

>Hey, how are you guys doing tonight?

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It's Beldar's cousin Jack.

He's self-conscious about his tiny, feminine cone.

Quotes on the wall.

It's pretentious as fuck

There's this really good ice cream place where i live that has 8 flavours a week or something, and all you get for picking them is a fancy italian name so you have to inevitably ask what the fuck each flavor is individually or just google it like a moron. I just want to know what that ice cream tastes like, you can't really tell from its appearance and a name in a language you're not familiar with. It makes me so mad but at the same time it's real good so i can't stop going back there.

Any restaurant that has bench/booth seating intended for 3+ people. Fuck sitting in between other people man, way too cramped.

Fat fuck, fat disgusting motherfucker

I simply wont eat in a restaurant that has me sit practically on top of random patrons. Hate this shit.

wtf they don't just give you the keys? retarded

if the establishment isn't whites only then I don't patronize them.

This is the case in the bar I work at, pain in the ass to serve and manoeuvre through too.

>having to tip people that bring you food in order to feel human contact.
>having to tip in general

pretty decent list, actually.

here's an idea porkchop
don't be fat

or better yet, lose weight, you shameful fatty.

I'll do you one better; bathroom attendants.
I really don't need some black dude offering to soap up my hands for me.

>chef's menu that stays the same throughout the year

This, & non-seasonal menus. One place we tried a few times had great food; but it never changed. I could walk in there now and the Soup of the "Day" would be roasted red pepper & tomato, and I guarantee it. It'll taste great, but it'll be the exact fucking thing I've had already.

>The interior is Hipster Standard

>The Never Ending Summer

Veeky Forums: The restaurant.

How is it possible for someone to have such a lack of taste?

I love hitting my head

Liking the burned out barn look, it's GENUINE.
Looks like this place has a real NARRATIVE

Maybe it's the other two who are fat, eh?

They really understood that it's not just dinner, it's the EXPERIENCE.

>restaurant uses ingredients/dishes not found in the cuisine that they purport to be

Holy fuck this
I recently ordered a pasta dish that I didn't realize had corn it (menu was in a different language)
So fucking disgusting

Same thing for a pizza I had too
I couldn't read the menu but I saw "vegetarian" pizza so I assumed it would just be standard pizza vegetables like onions broccoli olives etc

No it was topped with peas carrots and corn, the absolute worst possible vegetable options for a pizza
I'm pretty sure they just dumped a bag of frozen vegetables on it

damm, you triggered Veeky Forums hard with that

other than the stupid lettering on the wall it looks nice. a bit dated but nice.

Corn is a part of italian cuisine though, for example with polenta.
Maybe not sweet corn but it's not completely ridiculous.

Corn belongs on pizza.
Like it or FUCK you

>it looks nice

Okay Byron.

inb4 some autist raves about the columbian exchange
>waah waah italians should only eat what the ancient romans ate no exceptions
somewhat dated style as well, let me guess you are flyover?

>He genuinely believes isn't the very definition of flyover hipster chic

Well you sure outed yourself at light speed. The best bit is you don't even realise it and will continue to deny it.

It's true.

Outed myself how? As I said it looks nice but a bit dated. It might not look dated where you live, but it looks dated here.

You don't go outside much but just so you know, a restaurant buildout costs time and money. That is why "dated" looking spots can exist. It's not like clothes where you can easily just toss an ensemble and pick up a new one at the nearest H&M or whatever.

>decibels intensity

>Outed myself how?
>As I said it looks nice
>a restaurant buildout costs time and money

Levi my man, that place spent good money on making it look that way. It's try-hard flyover chic.

I actually tip according to where the waitress' hand is when they give me my drink. So from the rim to the very bottom of the glass is 0% - 100%.

I've yet to give anyone greater than 20% for their services in this shithole town

Not sure what your point is. Did you think tables and decorations are free? Or do you not grasp the implications of the term "dated"?