Did you ever impress a girl with your cooking abilities?

>you gotta read the play and know the situation.
I'm autistic though, can't I just ask what she feels like having?

because that's beta

The answer is no. If you can't interpret someones moods or body language than you shouldn't be either cooking or trying to get laid.

But I can cook, and I have fucked cute girls before, in more than one way. What now?

>Did you ever impress a girl with your cooking abilities?
Yes). Quite a few times in college

>can't I just ask what she feels like having?
Yes dont listen to these idiots. Have a couple dishes in your head and ask what she'd rather have.
These idiots probably never got laid since they ended up giving their dates anaphylactic shock.

no, dude.. you don't ask what she feels like having because she will inevitably say that she "doesnt care, whatever is fine".

chicks like assertive dudes; have a plan, be prepared, and ask her to help out. delegate tasks and instruct her on how to do whatever mundane shit somebody who can't cook could potentially be trusted with doing (making a vinaigrette, cutting mire poix, whatever).

confidence kills it in the end, my man

Yeah, but I can't help but feel like a dancing monkey for doing so.

>Did you ever impress

*Have you ever impressed

it's better than a fish being baited

Why the fuck are you on Veeky Forums

yes, and many a time I cooked for her and Chad afterwards.

Girls don't care about cooking abilites. They only want to hear that they're pretty and you adore them. And how deep is your wallet, but we know who cares about that. Also if she cares if you can take care of yourself and cook means she probably can't clean and cook and wants to parasite off you

Girls like good food like men do t b h

>a fucking leaf

a little bit but I don't think she had high cooking standards. she was just happy that I made us breakfast and that it wasn't bad.

Ok fag

I was pan frying some chicken thighs and telling her some bullshit story while sinking some beers and she just got on her knees and started sucking me off. The chicken burned but my balls were drained so idgaf.

my girlfriend didn't know how to make a grilled cheese. she just put the bread n cheese into the microwave. i had to give her extremely specific instructions on how to make a proper grilled cheese on a stove. it pained me,,
i got a Sweet Sext(tm) that night about getting fingered awww yeah. so maybe being the chef in the relationship isn't too bad.

"did you ever impress..." sounds like you've died and saint peter is going to decide whether or not to grant you access to heaven based on your answer

I'm animistic so whatevs

what? is this what qualifies as nowadays

Most girls like it when you cook for them because it shows that you invested some effort in her and if the food ends up being halfway decent then you've already scored some points. I've done it a few times and even when I made something as simple as pasta pesto or something the girl showered me with compliments on how good it tasted etc.

Other replies are right, don't ask nigger.

If you're fuckin' super stuck, ask what she doesn't like, then eliminate all related dishes then cook something else. Fuck, even just recreate a dish that you've seen her eat before.

If you're gonna cook for a chick, you should already know what she likes and doesn't like already, nothing weirder then going to a private home dinner on the first date.

Good advice, but if you're gonna get her to do something, make it one of those easy as fuck but looks impressive kinda shit.

If you're getting her to dice celery, she won't be into it.
If you're helping her flambe (think arms around her, helping hold the pan) then you'll hear the waves crash in her thighs and all your shits gonna burn cause you'll be fucking for the next few hours.

Actually, I'll be going to her house on wednesday to prepare some tasty sushi.

She's gonna give me a traditional tea service too.

Among other things.

It better not be a female (male)

Nope. All woman.

At least I think so, I'll have the opportunity to check her out more thoroughly come Wednesday.

A couple times, but it hasn't gotten me laid yet.

You just picked the wrong girls.

No, somehow I gotta have a woman tolerate me long enough to actually want to come over first.

Girls? No, but I've impressed their moms, middle aged woman, and grandma's

Yeah, they were mostly friends or girlfriends of roommates who came over. Every time I invite a lady to my place for a meal she declines, but happily agrees to meet at a bar or cafe for beer or coffee.

So why don't you fuck them?

I cooked a girl a delicious meal one day. After we ate she told me "Im sucking your dick tonight" . We laughed then watched a movie, then she actually did it. It was amazing.

my grandma and mom some times.

they yelled at me saying why i never cook?

Every time I cook near a female it impresses them because none of them under 50 know how to do anything more complicated than "put on sheet and stick in oven", and occasionally that stumps them.
One I worked with about 10 years back straight up asked me to marry her because of a chicken sandwich. Got slapped when I told her to lose 100 lbs and ask later.

So she fingered you?

yes, it's not difficult either because most people wouldn't know a decent meal from a great one anyway.

>date at my place
>make her rack of lamb with gratin and some nice wine
>chef john's chocolate decadence with rasperry sauce because i'm a hack for dessert
>get lucky
>french onion soup in the morning
>get lucky again

success

DON'T MIND ME, I'M JUST THE PATRICIAN NUT

Dude, I just need to buy her food and she's impressed. Cooking anything at all for her and she's even more impressed.
Chicks love food. Everyone loves food. Give someone food if you want sex.

Best memory of cooking for my now fiance was when she was living in a dorm and I was in a house with friends. She was studying for a test on a saturday and I cooked her a simple pasta dish. I got laid with more enthusiasm than ever.

It is sort of sad though, now that we live together. I am always cooking for her and get about the same response to the meals that I whip up in 10 minutes as I do with the meals that I labor over forever.

Oh well, I love her, and it isn't that she is unappreciative. Routine is nice too.

I don't even know how to cook but I act as if I did, so much in fact that some people thought I was some kind of chef or something and they value my opinion and advice for cooking (I just Google something and they I send them an answer whenever online).

I had this girl at my house and we were a little bit hungry so I ask her if she'd like to see me cooking.
Her eyes were shining before she happily answer me with a yes in a cute and sweet but sensual voice.

I picked an old pair of beef cuts I had in the freezer for over a year in the freezer, then I spread some salt on them to put them in the microwave to thaw the beef.

I said to her I was using a technique to make the meat tastier by opening the beef cells or proteins with microwaves so that the salt can penetrate at a molecular level, reinforcing the protein bounds for a firmier steak, in all intends and porpoises I was doing molecular cooking.

She was really impressed, she said she likes smart guys that also know how to cook and that I was the best of both world's.

I told her this is not even the best part.

I grabbed the now thaw beef and put it inside a sealed Ziploc while I was heating a frying pan with some coconut oil.

I told her coconut oil is the best because the smell if perfect and she agreed it smelled nice, I also told her that it's perfect for the skin because it's an excellent moisturiser, and that I could give her a massage after we were done eating. (It's also am magnificent Anal lube as she found out later)

She was blushing like crazy while my frying pan was beginning to burn because I was talking to much, I threw some onions to cool it down.

I began to smash the meat with a mallet to make it "even better" before putting it in a blender to grind it (I decided to make hamburgers because it was faster/easier).

I told her a blender is the best way to grind meat, the blades spinning at such a velocity creates huge centrifugal forces that makes the meat and fat become one, making the burger-

firmier and juicier beyond what a fast food chain could ever imagine.
She just said woow while the beef cuts where becoming a unrecognizable squash of grounded meat in front of her eyes.

Then a sweet smell began to fill the kitchen, it was the onions that were now almost burning because I left them for too long, more black than brown but still salvageable.
"Didn't know onions could smell that good" to my surprise, this is the first time she has been in a kitchen, apparently she has never touched a kitchen in her life.

I grabbed the grounded meat to give it form and I started pounding it against the table and my hands at full force repeatedly, "You gotta give it a good pounding like you would to a woman if you want a good burger" I told her it was an advice my grandfather told me and it works 10/10.
At the point she was looking at me with *those eyes* the ones you see when someone wants you really badly while I was putting some salt and pepper in the patties.

Quickly I put the meat in the frying pan and put a timer for 3 minutes in my cellphone (she didn't know about the timer), then I began cutting the veggies, nothing special.

After 3 minutes my cellphone vibrated, I flipped the burgers without even seeing with such confidence I impress her, i told her a real man that knows how to cook knows when to flip a burger by pure intuition.

Finally after another 3 minutes I flip it again, perfect sear and the smell was so great I could hear her stomach growl in expectation.
"I don't know what do I want more, the burger or you.", obviously at this point we could've making love but I was hungry so I continued cooking.

I put some butter and some herbs on there to appear even more like a true chef before laying a piece of cheese on the burgers.

I told her a good burger also needs perfect bums, j grabbed some premade bums and spread some mayonnaise on them with some butter, that was enough to make some crispy bums after a little time.

Before serving I sprinkled-

Yes, but I friendzoned myself without noticing.

I was too hung up on her being 17 at the time and not being my 'ideal self' yet. I kept beating myself up and believing it would only fail because of how terrible I think I am...

And then a year passed by and I realized I fucked up.

-the burgers with pickle juice to add and acidic flavor to potentiate the flavor.

Finally i put the burger togheter with "surgical precision" in a logical order for the best taste possible with the given infredients.

Needless to say she was in she was astonished, this was the first time she tasted a burger outside of McDonald's, or other fast food chains, and it was so good she ended up eating it faster than me.
She told me it was so good, she wanted to eat it forever.

After that we fucked all night, to the point where shr screamed "pound me harder like you pound your meat" that really activate my almonds and so I did for 20 minutes more, I screamed "BON APETTIT" before blowing my load inside her, it was great.

>Girl tells me how much she likes my cooking
>later on I ask her out
>rejected
cooking is for cucks

Is this pasta or am I just new?

i wish they gave me the chance

i don't know

>Did you ever impress a girl with your cooking abilities?
No but I impressed a guy with my cooking once. He sucked my dick after. Probably would have happened anyway, but we got to eat some good food so win-win.

I ruined the only date I ever had with my poor cooking
basically she was a fan of the simpsons so as a joke I just steamed some slices of ham then put it on the table and said we are having steamed hams. she laughed at first then realised i hadn't prepare anything else, so I slammed my fist on the table and angrily watched her eat the softened steamed slices of ham. she mad an excuse to leave straight after and never called or spoke to me again

lol why didn't you just make hamburgers?
And why did you slam your fist on the table angrily?
I hope this isn't true. But I also hope it is.

>slammed my fist on the table
Should've aimed higher, dumbass. Would've increased your chances of getting some.

Yeah, ask her. Either she'll tell you and then that's exactly what she wants or she won't then you have creative control. A guy once offered to cook for me when I was sick and hadn't eaten in days. I said I could go for this Spanish soup he'd made in the past and the thought of eating anything else made me ill. He regularly took two or three hours to make something so I took a nap then three hours later he wakes me up with some Indian coconut curry bullshit that made me gag to which he called me ungrateful saying that's what I needed to feel better. THAT was autistic.

you're not gonna impress anyone with that plastic looking crap burger

yes quite often
>tfw gf left me, because she gained weight due to my cooking

>impress women
My Mum is super proud when I make din dins.

Be glad she left you. She wasn't worth your time, then.

test

It was burgers you idiot, can't you read

Made my girlfriend a meal once

French onion soup, spicy pork chops with sweet potato mash, and crème brulé

She quite enjoyed it, and I enjoyed her that night as well

I usually fall in with more of a hippy crowd, so when I got invited to a dinner party hosted by a local coalition headed by one I wanted to fuck, it all fell into place. It was clear from the beginning I would be catering to janky concepts like "food-justice" and 'making something everyone could enjoy'. But the unspoken motives were present in full force. My choice? Plantain pancakes.

Nothing gets a hippy chick more wet than a comfort-food breakfast item in gluten-free variation, comprised of free-range eggs and exotic fruits that confirm an absence of a latex allergy. And above all, a breakfast item such as this, gallantly presented at a Dinner party, the madness!

Needless to say I got laid many, many times, all stemming from that one dish. Also, getting to see her friends sqirming at the actual event as they sidelined our cat and mouse tastebud antics, as well as the looks of supreme jealousy as she later told her friends of my expertise; priceless.

>look girl with chad-piercing eyes
>girl start to shiver
>ask her with the confidence of a thousand man what she want to eat
>girl tells me dish with water in her eyes
>tell her I'm gonna make it
>she starts to cry

vs. the virgin cook
>girl approaches
>too scared to ask her what she wants
>think too hard of what she might like
>make beta dish
>she cucks you

>had this dude suck them clean
Ftfy