Food stories from childhood, Veeky Forums

Food stories from childhood, Veeky Forums
>brother and I are about 8 and 6 years old
>brother and I want chicken nuggets
>dad doesn't want to go out to buy any since nuggets are poisonous
>"I know boys, I'll make you some real nuggets!"
>chicken breast taken out of the freezer and thawed in the microwave
>cut chicken tenderloins into chunks without removing the tendons
>coat lightly in zatarain's fish-fry
>shallow fry in a pan
>imagine his shock when we weren't so enthusiastic

>another day
>brother and I want french fries
>mom decides to be healthy
>cuts waxy potatoes into fries and pops them right in the oven
>they come out with the texture of actual shoelace ends
>we eat them but never told her that they weren't fries

>starting to try cooking
>make a big pot of "soup"
>overseason and oversalt with huge amounts of bullion, too many ingredients
>you could glue a horse to a rainy rooftop with this shit
>nobody wants it, not even me
>throw it away in shame

You've eaten a shoelace?

lmao are you retarded

I've accidentally ingested shit before. I can imagine what a shoelace tastes like.

you are retarded

Are you drunk or..?

You have no imagination, you interrogative little snake.
I said the texture, not the taste. Don't even try to say you haven't sucked the laces on a hoodie before.

I was about 12? years old and my dad got a promotion or it was my birthday or something so just him and I went to outback steakhouse on a Friday night.

My dad is a picky eater, his mom was a horrible cook and he couldn't stomach casseroles, roasts, meatloaf, seafood and always ordered his steaks medium well. I like my steaks medium rare.

So we both order a blooming onion and two filet mignons, medium rare for me and medium well for him. We're both in a good mood until our steaks come, where he cuts into his and it's medium rare, then into mine and it's medium rare. He told the waitress his steak was undercooked, which took forever because it was a really busy night.

She rolls her eyes, and like the baby boomer that my dad is got pretty pissed off at her. She takes his steak back to the kitchen, tells me that tonight is a time to enjoy, and to eat mine. While he waits, I finish my whole steak in about 15 minutes. It was really good, but my dad is sitting around hungry and grumpy as fuck.

The cunty waitress comes back after I finish eating and gives him this black colored slab of leather. I wait about 10 minutes for him to finish his steak which he said was disgusting, but also said he didn't want to send it back again because we would have to wait another 20 minutes.

The waitress comes back and asks how everything was. My dad just lays into her about how rude she is, how long we both had to wait, and how the food was terrible. They get into a civil but verbal argument and she leaves angry and holding back tears and my dad with an aura of misery for displaying that to me, his 12 year old son. I'm tired and want to go home now at this point because I'm full, my dad just finished yelling, and the rest of the patrons are staring at us.

The waitress was instructed by the manager to give us each 25 dollar gift cards to make up for the experience. My dad announced to the whole restaurant, "We're never coming back to this fucking place again."

Neither of us have.

Your dad was right and you're a fucking cunt for not supporting him. The only way shit changes is by demonstrating the fact that you were dissatisfied, very forcefully.

Tigger on a shirt?
Graphic tee on my wife's son's father?
I don't get it....

Nevermind that, what the fuck is Elf on a shelf?

>Neither of us have.

I don't know why, but I find this final line amusing and satisfying.

It's an american tradition in some parts during christmas time to place a doll of an elf somewhere in the house (preferably on a shelf, mantles work too) and the idea is that it's one of santa's elves watching the children to make sure they're being good.

its no more so a tradition than fried chicken on xmas in japan is a tradition

I don't follow, what makes this not a tradition?

you sound like a fun guy

I think he's implying that they've both emerged in the last 20 years?

Tigger on a nigger?

I looked into it and it turns out that it was created in 2005. You could either look at it as a way of thinking it hasn't been around long enough to garner any credibility, but you could also think in the same way that there are twelve year old children (fifteen if you want to start when they first retain memories) that have never experienced a christmas without it.
I suppose the thing about tradition is that it is wholly based on subjective human irrationality, and as such there aren't any concrete answers on what is and isn't a meme (^:

Calling it an american tradition implies that all or even most Americans are in on it, which they arnt.

I was at a Chuck e cheese once as a kid and my mom forced me to eat this really shitty fucking salad and I puked all over the table.
Good times.