Alright Veeky Forums i'm picking up one of these bad boys today. Give me the tastiest, barebackingest, hard- dickingest...

Alright Veeky Forums i'm picking up one of these bad boys today. Give me the tastiest, barebackingest, hard- dickingest, ball-slappingest crock pot recipes you've got.

Bonus points for protein rich and heavily caloric for my bulk.

>Cube up a chuck
>Get some root vegetables like carrots and potatoes
>Mushrooms if you like
>2:1 chicken broth:dry red mix add more if you want it soupy
>On low all day
>Add time 45 minutes before serving
>Whisk flower into leftover juice for gravy
Beef burgandy, wala.

Thank you senpai

>barebackingest, hard- dickingest, ball-slappingest
How lewd

Crockpot was my preffered cooking method when I was doing manual labor, I have a ton of recipes.

>Ground beef
>Brown and season with salt and pepper
>Add to pot
>Mix in corn, choppped carrot, quartered onion
>Add your favorite biscuit mix in an even layer on top, spread all accross to cover edges
>4-5 hours on low
Poor mans stew, use venison if you can.

>Chop an onion and evenly spread it along the bottom
>Put cubed chicken breasts on top
>Pinch in oregano over that
>Pour 2 cans cream of chicken and 2 cups chicken stock over chicken
>Cook on high for 4 hours
>Some sprigs of time and a bay leaf, high for another hour
>Make biscuits, whatever kind you like
>remove time, bay leaf, Drop cooked biscuits in and let them soak for 30 minutes or so

Pour in a jar of store bought salsa
Throw in some chicken breasts
Shred with forks
Put on tacos with two quarter slices avocado, half a tub of sour cream, and half a bag of shredded cheese

Tasty!

Never watched Archer?

Slowcooker Pulled Pork """Barbecue"""
>pork shoulder or Boston butt
>lay it on a piece of plastic wrap big enough to completely cover it
>rub it down with a mixture of brown sugar, paprika, chili powder, mustard powder, black pepper, and kosher salt
>warp it up tight and put it in the fridge for 6-8 hours
>it's a good idea to put it on a plate to catch any leaks
>take it out and unwrap it
>put it on a roasting pan
>broil in oven until a good crust develops, about 20 minutes on each side
>let meat rest
>put in slow cooker
>slice up one apple and one onion, use your favorite varieties, and throw them in too
>add 2 or 3 cloves of garlic, chopped, some black pepper, more mustard powder, and more paprika
>pour in half a cup of apple cider vinegar and the drippings from the roasting pan
>cook on low for 6-8 hours
>prepare a vinegar sauce of 1 cup apple cider vinegar, 2 teaspoons brown sugar, 1 teaspoon cayenne, and 2 teaspoons pf your favorite hot sauce mixed together
>pull apart in the cooker with two forks
>serve on a toasted hamburger bun with sauce, cole slaw and your favorite side
>potatoes of some kind is great, but the traditional side is hush puppies

Slow cookers fucking suck, they don't make good meals they make easy meals. Learn the difference. Unless you're an overworked mom with 3 kids to feed just cook food with the stove/oven like a real human adult

I would eat this while on keto but it's good for any time. Plenty of calories and delicious.

Buffalo shredded chicken

1/4c hot sauce ( Louisiana or Franks)
1/2 pkg ranch dip seasoning
1# chicken breast
3-4 TBS butter ( real butter, not margarine)

Put chicken in crock pot, top with hot sauce, then sprinkle
Your ranch seasoning on top of that. Cover and let it go on low for 6hours. Pull with a fork and Shred it all together. Add your butter, cook 30 min longer. Done

Great wrapped in a tortilla with shredded lettuce or cabbage and bleu cheese crumbles or dressing.

As long as you brown the meat and soften the vegetables and deglaze the pan, crockpots are the same as simmering on a stove but you can leave the house. They're bad when people just dump a bunch of raw shit in and turn it on without prep cooking.

autism

>As long as you prepare the meal the correct traditional way then drop it into the glorified chafing tray it turns out good

Gee whiz chief, thanks for the insight.

>Look mom I replied to everyone!

(You)

>he's correct and I got btfo so I guess I'd better come up with a shitpost to blow him off

You seem like a perfect fagfuck.

>not getting an instant pot

autism

>using a skillet on a stovetop is "traditional"

Spot the millennial. Bet you think cast iron makes you look like your pioneer ancestors too! LOL

>Barebackingest

6 chicken breasts
An Entire Bottle of Frank's Red Hot

I shit you not, makes pretty good buffalo chicken. Add in onions and some jalapeno if you're feeeling saucy

It's autistic to answer the OPs request and actually be a helpful, contributing poster?

If you really want to get lazy just buy some frozen veggies and some chuck beef and a dark beer.

Put all the veggies in, brown the beef then cut it into cubes, then pour the beer into the cooker, spices, everything else in. Low heat for between 4 and 6 hours, then once its out eat it like a stew.

Good, tasty, cheap.

Lemony Oysters And Oxo Cubes Salad Box

You will need:

1oz of turkey

340g of thyme

5 chicken thighs

4 oysters

2 oxo cubes

Lemons

Instructions:

Recycle the turkey

Dice the thyme

Wash the chicken thighs

Mash the oysters

Cut the oxo cubes

Grate the oxo cubes

Squeeze the chicken thighs

Beat the thyme

Quarter the oysters

Roughly chop the oxo cubes

Will keep in the fridge for 12 days

Yum.

>take enough chicken thighs to fit in a single layer
>season with whatever you like
>put them in for 8 hours
No liquid necessary.

Using the stove now makes you a millenial. That's some fucking mental gymnastics right there.

You people are butthurt your 100$ warming bucket isn't universally loved, well I can't help you with that

what age group is a millennial?

Why don't you use google instead of asking the cooking section of a weeb image board?

I think it's hilarious that there's this one douche who stands watch 24/7 on Veeky Forums ready to pounce on slow cooker threads.

You hate them. We get it. Shine on you crazy diamond.

>You people are butthurt your 100$ warming bucket isn't universally loved

$100? lol

Anyone younger than your crackwhore mom

Dude that's way too much work for a crock pot recipe.
And who the fuck has one ounce of turkey? This shit is flawed.

You know what I just read the 340g of thyme, this is obviously bait.
I'm almost as dumb as you.

French onion soup, not particularly heavy or anything, but tasty as all fuck.

>Chop 3-5 onions, depending on how much you want. I typically use 4-5
>Add 300-500mL of red wine, to your preference of taste and amount
>Add an additional 300-400mL of beef stock
>2-3 bay leaves
>Salt and pepper to taste
>Cook on low heat overnight until the desired doneness is reached

And to set it up, just bake it with cheese on top and a toasted baguette slice

>chuck roast cut into bite sized pieces
>floured, seasoned and browned
>into the crockpot with enough stock to cover
>peel pearl onions, brown in the leftover fat, into the pot
>low heat for 4-5 hours or until beef is tender
>while it cools make a brown roux
>use liquid and roux to make a gravy
>pour back over beef and onions
>enjoy beef tips over potatoes or rice