I need friends guys

I need friends guys..

Why would you say something weird like that?

get a slow cooker and make roasts for potential friends. invite a group of people by (or if you are in a dorm just let the smell waft out) a few hours before the roast is done. the smell will get you friends.

Im serious

Everyone needs friends. Go out and make some user!

This is making me anxious

You seem like you talk to people easily

don't be anxious! have a pulled pork sandwich instead, user! the buns are on the counter!

Why cant i know peoplelike you user

Chads are just gonna use me for my slow cooked meats

...

and if you fuck it up you can always use it to lure stray cats or birds, and they can be your friends.

it's tough to fuck up a pot roast

You have life figured out dont you

Go play games at your local nerd shop

...

Not really, but I know how to catch a bird.

If you have to catch the bird, is it really your friend?

Does it matter?

Yes

Then yes, it's really your friend.