ITT: Brutal Critiques

is this thread by the jews promoting the bbc/white girl meme very subtly?

From the thumbnail it looks like old moldy bread.

>Savage anons will tear it apart and tell you why you're shit.

I mean wouldn't they do that anyway

looks like melted wine gums on a floormat

Put some sauce on those for Christ sake. It looks like you sliced up the bottom of a coal miner's flip flop.

>"artisan" style "pizza"

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Why does it look like someone murdered Oscar the Grouch on a pizza crust that got slammed in a car door?

Looks like somebody wiped their ass in the yolk.

>double IPA
How many Jonas Brothers' albums do you own

None

Just pulled them out to drain a bit before serving.

I can see you have a knife... My question is why the fuck didn't you use it to chop up some of that garlic? Looks like a fucking vampire assassination attempt.

>terrible topping uniformity
>COVERED in spinach or kale or whatever that shit is
>1 (ONE) mozza slice
>dough was evidently kneaded by a 10 year old

take this shit elsewhere please

>mozzarella slice
i got bad news for you son
>topping uniformity
why do americans care about this shit so much

Damn fine effort! You even went the extra mile and cooked the fucking oven mitt, you muppet!

fuck me

Lemme see dem insides nigga

My bad, I just assumed by your taste in beer you were a 16 year old girl

This you're not getting away that easy, nigger.

I didn't know I could attract 16-year-old girls with double IPAs. I will have to experiment with this. Thanks for the advice.

I like large chunks of garlic. Good texture and allows the flavor to punch harder in between bites of other foods.

>Using 3 forks to eat a couple egg rolls.
Holy shit, welcome to the spectrum

Looks delicious as fuck desu. I'm just following the OP :^)

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They're pretty try hard and will drink it to act cool but if you have flavored vodka on hand just go with that.

suffed flounder

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woops

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...why does the outside look like that? you didn't give them a baking powder bath?

nice dick pretzel

I did. They are made out of pizza dough and such a pain in the ass to form into correct shapes.

Suprise inside

>baking powder
you mean soda

don't use baking powder to alkalise them

>pizza egg rolls

I'm not even mad. Hell, I might have to try this.

Super Easy. 5 slices pepperoni to 1 mozzarella cheese stick per eggroll. Don't use the reduced fat moz sticks. Fry up. Sauce on side for dipping.

It's a few drops balsamic and xv olive oil

does anybody ever use regular olive oil?

for cooking and as a neutral oil in mayo and cakes and shit, yeah

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nope

Deluxe Cheeseburger Macaroni Hamburger Helper. Cooked to perfection.

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Only a literal cuckold would ever be able to point out such a thing.

Heart attack on a bun

This is all the evidence you need to realize /pol/ is absolutely batshit insane.

They look undercooked.

You're supposed to photograph the food before you eat it and throw it back up again.

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This sounds fun...

Under rated post.

Good eye. There were slightly undercooked. Another 1.5 minutes in the oven would have been perfect.

>all those flowers and leaves.
Tfw you've been waiting 2 hours for your food in a fancy restaurant because you didn't know you were supposed to eat the fucking centerpiece

>hot food on raw vegetables
>hot food on raw vegetables you're just gonna pick up anyway rather than cut into pieces and distribute through the food
>whole herbs

Some stek i made.
Give it to me

>using anything other than salt and pepper, butter, and rosemary/thyme for seasoning
Your parents should have drowned you as a child tbqh

How fucking old is that oil annon?
Maybe try lowering the temp on the oil and not overcooking the shit out of it.
Did you actually drain it?
2/10

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what do you think he used for seasoning?

looks like this

You can see the pepper on it though

Looks like a fried turd in vomit

Looks like a fried lower bowel. Kill yourself

did you seriously take a shit on a plate and post it?

>I like large chunks of garlic
> also has small pieces of garlic though because of shitty non-uniform cuts

lel

The small pieces are parmesan.

OWNED BITCH TRY AGAIN

interesting presentation. hard to tell where your shitty plate ends and where your shitty salad starts.

Tuna melts

Tell me that isn't some fantastic looking melted cheese

Too much sugar in rub

How about this one?

Bring me food goddamn it not your nanas pincushion.

On what fucking planet do you have apple with pretzels and an over cooked ham toasty? Try butterimg the bread instead of burning the fuck out of it like you did.
Who the fuck eats apple pieces that big??!? At least cut the fucking seeds out you useless shit cunt. Is that a golden delicious apple? Great if you like eating bland powdery shit fruit, the literal peasant of the apple world..

It looks tasty, but it looks like you messed up the cheese->tuna ratio. The cheese should be on top to bind it, not take over the whole meal. Of course the cheese will be bubbly and golden brown if you add that much.

Looks like an abortion

>that shitty plate
Do you have no self respect?

Not enough meat in that cut, you cheaped out nigger

>IPA

?

Looks good but it looks like you didn't cook it on the fatty side to render it a bit and crisp it up. So you're gonna have chewy fat on the side.

What in the holy fuck is that?
What pile of pretentious shit. Am i supposed to be impressed? The raddish is all fucked up. People still use pansies as a garnish lol. Not sure if first year art project or actual food.. either way looks like the shit pajeet "chefs" trt and make.
Those prawns are overcooked as shit.

asymmetric

>le "pretentious" memeword

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>heart attack to go
>mixing chicken and beef
>bottom bun on middle-top
>top bun at middle-bottom
>eating at 30 mph
>taking pictures of your food at 30 mph

Paella

>>eating at 30 mph
>>taking pictures of your food at 30 mph
gotta go fast

Steak, grilled veggies, homemade pesto.