M-muh recipes

is this board being raided or something? it's weird tonight

You will feel differently when you're experienced and lament the time you wasted following recipes. Learn to COOK, not follow instructions like a monkey. This thread has just confirmed my suspicions about Veeky Forums; mostly cooklets that have no interest in actually learning. This is why we still don't have a sticky as there's no real demand for it beyond "muh recipe resources"

>What's a good recipe I can do with X Y and Z ingredients?

>What can I make with X Y and Z?

These are different questions?

>mom complains that im the reason the house is always messy
>move out
>visit mom later
>house even messier
>mfw says its my fault for making her house a mess still
why

I didn't know what a risotto was until this morning when I sought out new dishes on the internet.

Looking at the wiki page for risotto and maybe watching someone make it is not the same as going "hurr Durr this recipe said I need 4 cups of stock so that's just what I'll do"

>egg in a hole
Oh my.

I wasn't going to contribute to this thread, but there is NO WAY that nobody else heard the start of Lose Yourself from OP's pic.

>Her arms are heavy, knees weak, always busy
>There's dirty laundry making the house messy, fridge is empty
>She's nervous, but on the surface she just wants a recipe for spaghetti

Because women think they're always right and anyone who thinks otherwise is a failure as a human bean.

You should stop being a shitty Millennial user.

>Seriously wtf is up with this?
Simply put, it's a lack of imagination.
It's like, if you eat eggs always scrambled, you get used to it, so you stop wondering how you can arrange them.
A recipe is basically a guide on how to do something without going through the hassle of figuring it out by yourself.

i hate recipes.
and i don't think i have any knife skills beyond cutting stuff into smaller pieces.
generally, i cook some form of meat, prepare some vegetables and a starch - sometimes potatoes, usually rice
i think i'm a pretty adequate cook. i like the food i cook and my kids & wife generally have no complaints

if i want to eat something that would require some special skill or a recipe, then we just go out for dinner or get something delivered - sushi, thai, pizza
i don't really enjoy cooking to the extent that i want to make specific dishes

>Why not ask "What can I make with X Y and Z?"
I don't see how that is any different than
>"what's a good recipe i can do with X Y and Z ingredients??"

I do agree with you that once you know how to cook you stop thinking in terms of exact "recipes". But newbies looking to learn need some kind of direction. A recipe gives them instructions to follow. And while following those recipes a noob can learn about what seasonings generally go with what foods, they get a chance to practice standard cooking methods (grilling, sauteing, baking, etc.) as well as knife skills, etc. And the whole while they are learning they can eat what they cook.

What do you suggest instead? Someone buy a dozen cases of rutabegas and onions to practice their knife work before they even start?

You sound like an elitist prick. It's possible to follow instructions while thinking critically about why they are what they are, and to learn from that. You cook multiple recipes involving using a particular ingredient in different ways, and you learn the ways of using that ingredient, and how you might go about implementing it into something original.
Not to mention the fact that you can tinker with recipes to your taste and learn that way without having to spend time and energy inventing something from scratch.

>tinker
kek
do you you live in a flyover state?

The presumption behind asking about how to prepare a certain ingredient is that the ingredient is unfamiliar to the person using it, or they are deliberately trying to use a novel approach. In either case, the person is unfamiliar with the appropriate procedure and hence requires specific direction as to proper ways to execute it; this specific direction usually entails that everything in the preparation be something that has been tried and has produced good results, which is, essentially, what a recipe is supposed to convey.

Every FUCKING time I ask Veeky Forums to teach me how to cook they just say "google recipes for whatever you want to make" and never provide any actual information about cooking.

This is a terrible thread OP.

What do you expect? You asked a horribly broad question. Do you really expect people to write you the dozens of long-winded replies it would take to even cover the basics?

Plus, there's this: If you're too much of a retard to go get yourself a beginner cookbook, or use google to find instructional sites/books/videos then why should we help you?

Ask specific questions to show that you care, and to narrow down what you're looking for. Don't expect people to spoon-feed you a massive amount of information.

>Do you really expect people to write you the dozens of long-winded replies it would take to even cover the basics?
All it take would be people doing that once to get it stickied. In the many years that Veeky Forums has been up, having one fucking thread of actual informative posts isn't asking for much

the only thing you will learn from Veeky Forums is how to be a bitter troll

I just wish people would cooperate more.
We gave the making of a diverse and knowledgable online community here and I really want to learn to cook really well. Being anonymous this forum has an advantage over others.
I'd like to see a sticky and the disruptive posters removed, quite frankly an up vote/down vote system would work really well here as it would create a self moderating forum. I moved from /a/ to /int/ when I grew out of anime and eventually found my way here a couple of months ago.
This could be a really special place given the right direction.

OP, I think you are legit retarded. I just want you to be very, very aware of this. I am also fairly certain that most of the posters in this thread also believe you to be severely disabled. On top of this certainty is another even more likely certainty, that your own mother also feels that you must be, in all likelihood, diagnosably handicapped, even if she can't bring herself to buckle you into your car seat and drive you to the local pediatrics to get a professional's opinion.

OP, a recipe is the most necessary thing in the world of cooking if you do not know how to cook a dish.

Do you know how to prepare hawaiian style macaroni salad? Most people don't, so I'm going to assume the same of you. If you wanted to prepare hawaiian style macaroni salad but you do not know a recipe... then what the fuck are you going to do?

You can spend incredible amounts of time and money making the dish over and over and over again, changing ingredients along the way in the hope of getting closer and closer to what you were wanting. Literal dozens, possibly hundreds of hours and dollars.

Or! Or you can look up a recipe. And then you can make that recipe, exactly as it appears. You have only had to make the dish once. You've only had to spend half an hour making it. You've only had to spend $5 in ingredients.

And the best part! Now you know what this recipe tastes like! Which means, and follow me here, OP... you can adjust it.

You want more of this seasoning, less of this veggie, add this other veggie, maybe a bit less of this, more of that, whatever your heart desires!

Because you now have a fucking baseline to work from.

I'm pretty damned certain you're just really upset that your mom told you to clean your room or else you won't get any dinosaur shaped chicken tendies for dinner, despite you knowing that there is a dirty dish rag on the counter next to the sink! Scandal!

Your mother deserves better than you.

no, i read a really good serial that involved the word "tinker" so i use it sometimes
why?

As we've discussed before, the idea of a sticky is horrible for this. The information is just far too broad. Even the basics vary greatly depending on what style of cooking we're talking about.

Why bother re-inventing the wheel when there are already countless resources in place for this? There are cookbooks. There are youtube instructional channels. There are programs from TV. There are blogs, online cooking references, you name it. How could a Veeky Forums sticky even come close to competing with that?

k nvrmnd

Every other board with an informative sticky competes with tv, blogs, books, and other websites. The point is for people who waded through that overwhelming amount of conflicting information to provide guidance to newcomers.

The real reason there isn't a Veeky Forums sticky is simply that no one who can make one wants to make one.

>quite frankly an up vote/down vote system

Hmm, what a novel idea! It's a wonder no other website has thought of doing that...oh, wait.

>I just wish people would cooperate more.

I will happily cooperate more, IF people like you narrow down the questions a bit. When I see someone ask "how do I cook" I immedietley skip to something else because:
1) the question makes it seem like the asker just wants to be spoon-fed
and
2) even if I wanted to help, which I often do, the question is asking for a massive amount of information. It's overwhelming. Imagine if someone walked up to you and said: "teach me math". Or "what's the history of the United Kingdom"? Surely you would imagine the monumental nature of that task and would offer some kind of suggestion, like what books to read to get started.

When I see someone ask "how do I cook" I don't even know where to begin because that person didn't even bother to mention what style of cooking they want to learn about or where they live.

Then instead of a sticky why isn't there a Veeky Forums wiki?

Up/Down vote systems lead to a lack of anonymity unless you force anonymity. Because then you have Bob labeling his posts as "Bob" and he gets some up-votes and sure, maybe he's knowledgeable, but eventually he develops a cult of fame around him. Disagree with Bob or say something counter to his claims and suddenly you get dog-piled for not following the herd.

Anonymity also doesn't help with people being helpful or cooperative, it is a major disadvantage in that regard because there's no accountability for your poor behavior, and no reward for good.

On top of this, site-wide culture is based around mean-spiritedness. It's the way Veeky Forums has been damn near since inception.

A sticky though is absolutely something Veeky Forums should have. Links to good beginner information or a wiki at the top of the page would assuage a lot of problems alone.

At this point i'm positive you're baiting, but if you've ever been on reddit, you should know that upvote/downvote systems only create censorship and hiveminds. We shit on reddit here for a reason.
>inb4 that wasn't REAL ~~communism~~ voting system

op has never baked anything in his life

>mfw there are actually asspained dumbasses like OP on Veeky Forums

>Then instead of a sticky why isn't there a Veeky Forums wiki?
Why would we need either? What could a wilki or sticky provide that's not already done, far better, with cookbooks and google? I am honestly puzzled why people keep wanting to re-invent the wheel.

They would just REEEEEEEEE because bolognese doesn't exist in italy

Can you even fucking read?
You don't hear the title of a dish and instantly know how to make it. Watch someone make it and then if your experience to make it yourself without being told "now cut an onion in 1 cm dice. Now sautee the onion etc". This is only regarding specific dishes btw which the thread was never about. Why waste so much of your time on an uncreative "hurr you r dumm" intro? I didn't read it.

So they never have to leave Veeky Forums and look for anything on their own.

Do you know what a recipe is?

so you're gathering the exact same information as a recipe would provide, but you don't use recipes because you don't like being told what to do? and this somehow makes you a better cook?

Isn't asking what you can make and a recipe the same tying?

My issue with a lot of the recipes on the internet you wade through to try to get a conception of what the dish is about so you can put it together without following line by line (even by natives or supposed experts - I'm looking at you Serious Eats) is you have to wade through paragraph after paragraph of poorly written, often womanish hormone laden ramblings that are at best silly, and at worst blatant attention whoring. Oftentimes it just seems easier to scroll 40 pages to the bottom and make their bullshit recipe.

Normies really have hit the bottom of the barrel with these advice dog spinoffs.

>>>/facebook/

It could compete with that by conglomerating the most useful resources for beginners. Like you said, there are countless resources for this and it's extremely daunting to try to find everything yourself when you don't even know where to start looking.

I fucking hate this shit, I'll try to find a recipe and then there will be like three god damn paragraphs of exposition before it actually gets to the recipe.

>So this recipe has been handed down in my family since I can remember, my great grandpa used to make it for me when I was a small child and I remember all the times when he would make it for me when I was sick and sad so I could feel better. It's a great dish for when you're sick because it just feels good, you know? This recipe is about as down-to-earth as you can get.

Only way in which they can demonstrate value (or more likely feel superior to others) is by making their shitty food taste better. Waaa I sit at home all day and take care of rats my husband pumped into me. Look at me my life is so hard I'm a mom.

>be a few years ago
>buy house in transitional, inner city area
>most of the adults on my block are black single mothers or SWANs
>after living on the block some time, they get to know that i cook
>we talk about food
>one says something about how she "ain't got no time to be cookin' from scratch n' shiet"
>goes on about how busy she is raising two kids on her own
>has been outside the last two hours yacking it up with the other single mothers
>her kids are inside watching tv, quietly
>point this out to her
>"i ain't gonna be chained to no stove! i's gotsta do me, too!"
>mhmmms of agreement sound out from the other nigresses and one of the SWANs
>none of them work
I'm not saying to cook a seven course meal nightly or anything, but for fuck's sake, if you have time to troll online or piss away hours upon hours of your day carrying on with your friends, you've got time to cook, too. Goddamn.
Glad gentrification pushed all those lazy, shiftless welfare queens out. Fuck them and fuck their shitty kids.

>Fuck them
NO !
That'll make more kids.

i added herb-seasoned creme fraiche to my bean ground beef taco thing and it was fucking awful
there are wrong answers

I once misunderstood a recipe and tried to microwave a merguez.

And you know what? The fucking Catholic church and Christian fundies in the area have teamed up and started a local ad campaign. I's a picture of an admittedly cute black baby girl and the caption reads
>nearly two-thirds of black children in this city are aborted. Please: choose life.
And so, I've woken up to that that if 66% of black pregnancies end in termination, black women must be in a constant state of knockedupedness because the number of niglets I see here is goddamn staggering.
So don't fuck them, you're right. Push them down a few flights of stairs instead. Them and their criminals-to-be crotchfruit.

That was supposed to be a joke, dude...

Sorry.
Just that these bitches and their unsupervised vermin children get on my goddamn nerves, shitting everything up in this otherwise rather nice city. Can't wait for the gentrification to get to the point where Lashaqueesha and her welfare brood can't afford to live anywhere near here anymore. Can't. Fucking. Wait.

And before people call me a racist, this is about classism, not racism. I'm classist as all get out. And I'm okay with that.

And he followed on it you silly goose

I can't understand that. I'm still pretty shocked that, a few years ago, I saw a muslim woman taking her little kid's pants off, letting him piss in the middle of the street like a dog.
No, even worse than a dog. But you can't say anything.

Fuck them
Fuck them up the ASS

They probably have big asses with all the junk food they eat.

do you have a good recipe for jessie's mess? I've been wanting to try that one but can't find a well-written recipe

>Saying words is racist

There us no hope for you cunts

Just because it didn't originate from there doesn't mean they don't make it dude

>Hmm I have tomatoes and meat and a fuckton of fresh pasta...
>Nah I'm not going to make bolognese or else the mafioso will come murder my family and my dog, better just make lasagna with cottage cheese instead

>having kids before either parent knows how to cook

That's straight bad decision making there.

>Learn to cook.

Fuck, learn to google. If you have money, can get yourself to the store or buy ingredients off of Amazon and have basic motor skills you can make anything. Cooking is like the only thing I CAN do.

McDonald's is their safety net.

Hey I hate that shit too but don't let it dissuade you, I have cross referenced some good shit from reading those kook's blogs.

Nobody owes you anything, but they can help if they wish to.

Pointing that out to her wasn't helping but rather a passive aggressive elistist snarking by yourself. I was on board with you until then.
I, as a stranger on the internet, consider you to be unkind.

how do you know user was passive aggressive, snarky or unkind? are you one of the women in that conversation? were you listening from the window while he admonished that woman for failing to realise she had time to cook dinner for her kids? he could have worded his comment in the kindest, warmest, most unconfrontational way ever and you wouldnt know cuz you werent there. you didnt hear it. you dont know. i, as a stranger on the internet, consider you to be not only unkind and passive aggressive but also a self-righteous cunt.

>women are fucking stupid and useless

I wouldn't go that far. But I do think women became better cooks solely through repetition forced on them by society. Years, and years, and years of repetition and practice will hone anyone's skills. Without that role being pushed on them (such as how things are now), they probably aren't going to bother learning. Most women don't have the desire and drive to improve/achieve/lead/conquer/create that it takes to master a trade. Where as men are born with it.

>mostly cooklets that have no interest in actually learning.

Cooking is 50% creativity and raw talent. Like painting or composing, most people simply can't pull it off no matter how much they learn. That's why recipes exist. I agree that those with the 'gift' deserve recognition, but let's not insult people without it. That's just lame. "hur-dur, that loser can't even compose a symphony, what a faggot." That's why they use recordings.

There's this phenomena right now with idiots getting lost in their hometowns when they have their GPS taken away. There was this hilarious study done it.

When you take away a person's need to work things through, the brain just shuts down and they don't learn or remember anything about the process. Following recipes vs. winging it is the same way. I learned to cook because I was too poor to afford a printer. I'd read about the recipe and how to make the components, then go to the kitchen and try to do it from memory. Not always successful at making edible food, but it was a good way to learn.

>be ethiopian
>white people ask me for recipes
>refuse because I know they'll eat everything with stale hot dog buns instead of injera

>Cooking is 50% creativity and raw talent.
Maybe if you're talking about fancy fine dining or some kind of avant-garde new restaurant scene.

Normal day-to-day cooking requires zero "raw talent" and it doesn't have to be creative. Anyone can plan a basic menu by listing dishes for each day of the week, shopping for the needed ingredients, and then cooking them each day. It requires no more "creativity" or "raw talent" than other everyday tasks like bathing, grooming, laundry, traveling to/from work or school, and so on. Nobody is expecting a home cook to invent new multi-course tasting menus every day. What's wrong with pan-searing some chicken and steaming veggies?

>it doesn't have to be creative

You have to be creative to find solutions when you are making a dish and something is off. Which happens constantly. Your level of creativity and talent will determine if you can fix the dish or just make it worse.

>You have to be creative to find solutions
Solutions to what, exactly? Can you give an example?
I can't see how following a basic home cooking recipe could ever cause a problem that would require a creative solution.

Pasta sauce is too sweey and needs an acid to balance it, but get this, no vinegar or lemons.

Why would it ever end up too sweet? We're following a basic recipe, not winging it.

Also, why would anyone even start cooking if they didn't have all the ingredients on hand? That's not a need for creativity. It's a lack of planning in advance.

And for that matter, why is a lazy cook making their own pasta sauce to begin with? Pasta sauce from a jar is the standard for casuals (i.e. most people) anyway.

There's also the fact that humans are contrarian in nature. So if you tell someone to do something, he or she will do the oppose just to piss you off.
I saw a few women who literally claimed they were chained to the kitchen, when they in fact spent the minimal amount of time in it, and their kids actually cooked more often than them. There's some kind of deluded phantom oppression where they convince themselves that they're forced to do stuff when they in fact don't do anything and it pisses me off. It's like people claiming you're racist because you look at them funny.

>he or she will do the oppose just to piss you off.
I've heard people say that sort of thing often. However it makes no sense to me whatsoever. I literally cannot comprehend why anyone would do something deliberately to piss someone off, unless we're talking in the context of a prank (meant to be funny), or in the context of a literal fight. It is literally, totally, 100% incomprehensible.

I am just an autist? Why would someone do anything like that?

It could be that they're offended by your tone (I knew a guy in school that would never listen to anything he considered an order, you had to sugarcoat it to the extreme to get anything from him), or that they just want to be speshul snowflake.

People take it as an order and it's a conscious effort to subvert your assumed authority over them, in other words not being a bitch

It's less about deliberately pissing someone off and more about not wanting to follow an order. It's about power and agency. Reverse psychology - if Jill tells Bob to do something, Bob won't want to do it (even if he'd normally do it on his own) because he doesn't want to give Jill that power over him.

>Why are people (especially le busy mom types) so obsessed with muh recipes

White women are absolutely worthless & useless in the modern age...

They good for swallowing a load & taking it up the ass. That's about it. NEVER EVER fucking get caught marrying one. That's a life of suffering right there...

I can read the words you wrote, but I can't empathize with it. It makes no sense at all.

If someone gives me an order that I don't want to follow I simply won't do it. And will tell the person so. This whole concept of deliberately doing something different is completely incomprehensible.

Recipe fags a shit.

Yes it’s fixed mindset vs. growth mindset. People with fixed mindset will never amount to anything and always wonder why people don’t like them

You might have some tism then, but that's okay. Reverse psychology doesn't work the same on everyone. It's generally a product of insecurity - people who are more secure in themselves and their own agency don't feel that need to make it so clear that no one has power over them.

not everything needs to be explained in painful detail. you know exactly what he's talking about when he said using creativity to adjust a dish, and you know he's right. trying to fish up some long debate on the details of something that is common sense just sounds like whining. its what someone who knows they're losing does. delays and deflects the certain outcome.

yes, you use creativity in cooking and possessing it will take you far beyond any recipe. it's like color-by-number vs. oil painting.

>you know exactly what he's talking about when he said using creativity to adjust a dish,

No, I really don't. That's why I asked.

>>yes, you use creativity in cooking and possessing it will take you far beyond any recipe. it's like color-by-number vs. oil painting.
I totally agree. But we're talking about cooking in the context of basic home meals here. That is literally "color by number". We're not talking about experimenting or special stuff in this part of the conversation. Just basic home cooking. Your color-by-number example is perfect for it.

>cooking
>not eating fast food every meal

>I literally cannot comprehend why anyone would do something deliberately to piss someone off

I don't believe most people are like that. Just those who refuse to be dominated by anyone except who they approve. Could be trust issues, a free spirit, a born leader, or any other reason.

If you've owned a lot of dogs, chances are you've seen this. Even among the same litter, some will be more inclined to please you while others are more distant and won't obey your whims without significantly more motivation than the dog that just wanted your praise. Everyone's different.