>be me weigh 310 pounds
>sister visiting with newborn baby
>leave baby in my chair
>accidentally sit on it
>broke both it's legs and crushed it's windpipe
>baby's growth may be stunted for future
They kicked me out and now I gotta survive on $20 dollar a week for food. What can I buy cheap that will also help me lose weight?
Gonna need some serious proof, user.
Don't buy food.
Cheapest way to diet.
>$20 a week
Good fucking luck. This is where those mounds of calories you've stored come into play.
This
u da dig guv
lol
Why would user lie about being a 310 lb fatass baby squasher on Veeky Forums? He's the target demographic.
>leaving your poor sister to take care of a disabled kid for life
>not just ending the job so she tries again with a new kid
No wonder you got kicked, you ruined her life now.
Some foods I ate when I was doing a diet while also being broke. Minimally, you need protein and some potassium. Count calories and try to keep it in the 500-1200 calories per day range.
Banana
Tuna
Brown rice and Lentils
Potatoes.
Eggs
This is by no means an authoritative selection; seek out other cheap foods advice. Also for a time I used protein powder.
Won't be pleasant, and it will take longer than you care for it to. If you can get over the initial hard hump your appetite may ease as your stomach shrinks and you get used to not eating as much per day.
You literally can't die of starvation on a first world country. You can buy 1kg of white rice for 0,50€
It probably crawled under there for warmth
OP uses "lbs" to weigh himself, so he's not from a first world country.
Some more items I forgot:
One measured cup of prepared frozen orange juice concentrate as a potassium source. One can of frozen orange juice concentrate came to 4 cups prepared.
Oatmeal. Not the individual flavoured packets, but plain large flake oats from a relatively large package.
oats, popcorn, other cheap grains, peanut butter, legumes, whatever you find on the clearance rack at the Asian supermarket
You won't eat great on so little if you're still learning to eat actual food.
well beri beri then
jk but OP go to a food pantry ya dingus
I learned in my teens to not have fragile valuable stuff around other people. Anything that isn't rugged/expendable stays home and I don't get stressed. Your kid wants to beat on my ThinkPad? Go right ahead :-)
HIGH GLYCEMIC AND TOO MUCH ARSENIC
Bad memed. White Rice is the White Mans Carb Source.
>no cereal
>no gluten
>no antinutrients
>no fructose
>muh arsenic
don't buy pajeet rice that comes from pajeetland
>muh high glycemic index
Literally irrelevant when eaten along fat and protein containing foods
this is the truth, it's one thing to accidentally kill a baby, it's another to accidentally shittify his entire future.
>he fell for the "antinutrient" meme
Phytic acid prevents butt cancer.
I've never understood how people can sit down blind.
Potatoes, oats, whole grain flour, beans, and eggs/cheapest dairy you can find.
Buy lentils, wheat flour, cabbage, onions, celery, and carrots. Make some soup and flatbread. That's got basically all you need. You could substitute/supplement cabbage with kale or chard, if you wanted to. If you still got some money left, spend it on salt, and dried herbs like thyme, rosemary, oregano, and bay leaves. Maybe even some tomatoes as well for a touch of savouriness.
Fuck rice. That shit's for Asian people. BTW, fuck meat as well. It's an unnecessary luxury.
Honestly user - I would just kill myself. You don't want to go through life remembered as the fatass that squashed their sister's baby.
soup kitchen every day pocket the 20 for drugs or beer your choice
At $20/week, I'd start looking into things like gruel. I'd make it really thin by adding lots of water so that I would finish it slowly and it would keep me full. Alternatively, "everything" soups or as they call it on Game of Thrones, "bowl of brown". Stop thinking in terms of recipes and just focus on what you can put in a pot and boil -- preferably one of each macronutrient.
>year 2037
>be stunted kissless manlet
>no friends
>live with depressed mother
>she and I have always lived together but barely speak
>voice is too weak and fucked, difficulty breathing
>never played sports, legs too misshapen
>kids at school used to call me "crazy legs"
>cannot go anywhere without people staring at my legs
dried beans, rice, and whatever fresh vegetables are on special
did you squash a baby tho ferreal
watch it
ask them if you can eat the baby now that it's all fucked up anyway
You deserve to live off of $20 a week you fat piece of shit.
You'll survive off of vitamin supplements and water you fat fuck, with the occasional chicken broth.That's less than $20/wk and you'll be able to live off of your disgusting body for a couple of months you pathetic piece of shit.
Go to Veeky Forums and visit one of the fasting threads. Maybe you'll make yourself out to be something other than a fat piece of shit after this.
Everyone knows the total number of herbs plus spices is 11. But how many are herbs, and how many are spices?
lmao at all the dumb cucks who fell for this pasta!
that woulda killed the baby. obvious pasta
>being this cool
Fugg
Stop being a dipshit and kill yourself
Fuck you eggboy
I feel so dumb. I can't believe I wasted 30 seconds of my life. I truly believed OP. How will I ever trust again
You're a fucking moron if you thought the OP actually happened
ha ha! I didn't really believe it! But you believed that I did!
he's also the largest demographic.
With maximum food limit worth 20 bucks a week you will lose weight regardless of what you eat user.
But if you want to eat 3 square meals a day then rice, beans, oats, tinned tomatos onions and potatos are your friends.
Kek'd. Thanks for that.
>I gotta survive on $20 dollar a week for food.
$80/month is luxury. You can easily gain weight with that budget. Just start running or swimming, make sure that your energy in < energy out.
this aint the first time ive heard of an user sitting on a baby here
fat fucks sit first and complain later
sit on someones stuff? fuck you i have a thyroid problem i need to sit or else i might die fucking skinny piece of shit its genetic fucking thin privilege asshole
user, how can you think about stuffing your face at a time like this? :^)
Was the baby female? In that case, good job. Oatmeal and water with anything you want to add is possibly your best bet. Also rice and beans maybe. Check out what costs less per protein calorie. Only carbs will let you go mental.
>hey eggboy
kek
>sister visiting
>they kicked me out
Your sister kicked you out of your own house?
Something doesn't add up.
This. One of my fears is sitting either on something fragile or on a stain/liquid
...
man up
go back there
kill the baby
kill yourself
die with a shard of dignity
Anyone else going to point out the fact that he has no remorse whatsoever for crushing a child's windpipe and breaking both her legs? He's literally more concerned about shoving food in his fat fucking face then he is the fact that he crippled his niece/nephew
>
assuming you can get ramen packs for 20c a pack you can eat 22 a day. youre ggood.
So why are you worried about what you're gonna eat when jail feeds you 3 times a day for free? So you seriously think DCF isn't getting involved? Even if your sister doesn't file a lawsuit, she'll have to tell them what happened or she will be in danger of jail time.
And it won't be the last time, bub.
It's a /r9k/ meme if I'm not mistaken.
This. Make sure you get your protein and fat.
I survived for weeks on 2 scoops of protein powder, peanut butter, and salt water
>sister visiting me with newborn baby who kicked you out of your house...
aren't you afraid of sitting on something sharp, like a knife? it will rip your anus open
>DCF
What has you convinced OP lives in Florida, exactly?
In any case, the sister undoubtedly had to take the baby to a doctor. If someone has to be notified, the doctor most likely took care of it.
Absolute heartiest of keks
why would you even go there in the first place?
...
>luxury
This is what poorfags actually believe. I can barely fathom $100ish a week. I always tend to go over $175 while trying my hardest to go for the cheapest choices.
DCF isn't just Florida, you retard. It is the Department for Children and Families. They tend to take children away from irresponsible parents, assist with problem children, and a myriad of other functions including assisted living and shit.
wasting money =\= being rich
It isn't a waste of money though. I am buying for 2 meals a day for 7-9 days. Sometimes I stretch it to around 12 days, but that is usually on weeks where I receive things from other people.
I go for store brand, or the cheapest sale/price I can find. I avoid anything over $5 per package. I sometimes only get dinner stuff. Meat and one or two sides, usually one.
ewww hairy arms
Social workers are stationed at every hospital to send word up the chain if abuse or neglect is expected. OP needs to accept his fate and let prison happen.
>>sister visiting
>They kicked me out
Well which is it?
...
>tfw no 2d gf
>first world country
You keep using that phrase, but it doesn't mean what you think it means.
>Muh NATO nurishment
I'm sure ammo regulations will feed the world.
10 are herbs, the only spice that isn't a myth is chives.
kek
I miss it when first world country poor folk weren't 310 lbs.
>Muh Cold War paradigms
I miss it when only educated people could access the internet.
>Literally irrelevant when eaten along fat and protein containing foods
moving the goalposts
fair enough, it's not called DCF in my state so I googled it and Florida was the first few results. my apologies
>abuse or neglect
he fucking sat on a baby
I find it hard to believe he's going to be taken to court and convicted of
what the fuck would you even charge him with?
I had a good laugh
...
>>$20 a week
>Good fucking luck.
just buy 20 hamburgers bro
thats at least two burgers a day
le reposted shitpost thread XD
>what the fuck would you even charge him with?
High chairs and misdemeanors.
was it barking or somethin?
CHRISTAPHUH
Holy shit. Imagine being crippled for life and knowing it was because your fatass uncle sat on you when you were a baby.
you got a bee on your post
old /r9k/ was the best
ill always miss the old days there
ramen noodles my guy, 3 packs a day should be cheap enough
also buy rice in bulk and maybe you'll have money left for dried beans
>lose weight on ramen
>go to /r9k/ for 2d girl boys
>go to Veeky Forums for 2d babys
Wanna link me the archive?
This is the best part about being naturally anorexic. I have almost no appetite, so $20 can last me weeks if I get off my ass and cook.
My girlfriend's the same way too. I made some food last night and it'll probably last us all week.
Me too
It's just awful there now
Nigga how did you sit on a baby? It's not a goddamn TV remote it's a baby you stupid fuck
lol i came here to post this