ITT: times you got away with it

fuck this degenerate site, really shocking

I'm sure this kind of honest behavior much confusing to a dirty nigger such as yourself.

I’ve been to Veeky Forums those faggots aren’t anything near self-actualized. You sound like a fucking mall cop by the way

...

>Trying to buy fruit
>I'm supposed to manually input the code of the fruit (there is a big sticker with the code for each fruit next to the machine
>Get a couple banans, input the banana code, nothing happens
>O check if I did it right
>I try to do it again
>Big line over 6 people wanting annoyed I can't figure out how to weight my own banans
>Get desperately, stars touching every buttons
>People are trying to help me
>Other people just watch and complain
>We are now 4 people trying to weight the bananas to no avail
>Llthe line keeps getting bigger and bigger
>New people join in in our vain attempt to get the machine to print the ticket so the cashieer can scan it, others give up and leave the store in disgrace
>Store employee finally comes to check on the commotion
>Turns out it was out of paper

If you have ever done anything like this, you're not white.

I guess you could say you glazed his donut.

>buy meat
>scan for potatoes

I accidentally rolled out with 20lbs of ground beef in cart under my bags, felt good man

>on date at sushi bar
>get check and notice they didnt bill me for the beer i had
>let them know
>they bring back revised bill
>pay it
>go home and fuck my dad

>be 5 years old
>go into corner shop with mum, want a 5p sweet, grab one and go upto mum.
>she didnt see me grabbing it and leaves the shop telling me to follow
>i leave with 5p sweet in hand
>enjoy my treat

NONE of you are as badass as this.

>meijer
>grab 5th of bottom shelf vodka in a hurry
>dontwanttolooksuspicious.png
>casually walk around then slip it down my pants
>waddle to bathroom
>go in stall and wrench off the protective cover
>have to get blasted quick because poor and depressed and alcoholic
>don't want it on my breath
>drop trow and keaster vodka bottle
>try bending my legs and standing straight quickly up so vodka can pour up my ass
>not going up my ass far enough
>adjust bottle in ass then try and do a hand stand on the toilet with my legs on the stall door
>vodka flows smoothly down my anus
>feelsjohngoodman.mp4
>lose balance and fall down
>glass shatters while it's still in my ass

Luckily just the bottom of the bottle shattered and the top of the bottle didn't and I could remove it from by butt, I was one shift away from being goatse.

>Go to 7-11 with mom
>Go over to the cuppachino machine
>Pick up the box of marshmallows for cuppachino
>Dump entire box into my back pocket and snack on them the rest of the day

>Go to store.
>Dressed as a jester.
>Terrorize anons who are trying to not be noticed when shopping.
>Manager pays me.
>Get out before the stores actual jester gets off his break and realizes someone stole his check.

kek

>not eating the donuts as you browse the aisles for your food then "forgetting" to ring them up when you're checking out

Lmfao

>Buy organic produce
>Pay non-organic prices at the self checkout

LOCK ME UP

are u a gril? if so that's hot

Non-organic produce? Is there such a thing?

No, inorganic produce on the other hand yes.

>at dollar store
>buying snacks to smuggle into movie theater
>see some of those chocolate wafer roll things
>$2
>sounds like a fair price
>get them as well as some mother fucking chocolate covered almonds and a snickers or some shit
>at the checkout
>cashier scans my wafer roll things
>machine makes a beep but doesn't register them
>cashier doesn't notice
>she actually says to me "wow all this for only $1.80? good get"
>mfw

denial and projection: the post.

situations like this are my greatest fear. I'm so sorry user

this ones true isn't it

And that's why we don't have ANY self checkout option anymore at my local store.

Nice one user

How does it feel to know that when the day Selassie I comes back you'll face judgement for your use of alcohol?

Bought some cider when it was going for £7 for 6 bottles, one of the three boxes didn't scan properly but the self service didn't kick up a fuss when I paid. I only really noticed when I was loading up the car later.

>ring up ~$100 of groceries in self checkout
>something weird happened putting everything in the cart
>can't remember exactly what, but it distracted me
>at home an hour later and realize I never paid
Went back in and paid for everything. I still don't understand how they have no idea what happened.

m-machine lettuce?

Stealing is for niggers

>be 4yo
>mom gives me box of teddy grahms
>my fave
>"you want to start eating them?"
>"they aren't mine yet, you have to pay for them first"
>mom says "ok"
>never compel my mom to steal again

No one who works there gets paid enough to care

>Drive through at the BK
>I am waiting for ages at the window after giving my order
>"Fast food" my ass
>Woman hands me the food and says have a good day
>I never gave her my card
>Drive away just as I see the manager look over and start walking to her

>muh picking up heavy things and putting them back down

>at the bakery
>hold the bag slightly up on the scale
>get 50% off

one time i got these honeycomb apples in a bag that are super expensive but the barcode wasnt registering so i just picked some random apples on the menu and got them for way cheaper

>use green organic bag for non-organics
>check-out clerk to not use green bags since I'm not buying organic
>I like the green bags because green is my favorite color
>keep doing it every time I go there
>clerk gets tired of my shit and tells me i'm banned from the store
>pulls me by the ear and leads me to the exit
>opens the door
>throws me on the floor
>shamefully walk the dinosaur

>accidentally leave Albertsons without paying for a steak
>return to store an pay for the steak.
you are all degenerates

someone really needs to create a webm of a shoppers eye view of scanning loads of goods and the screen just says

steak
>banana 0.79
cheese
>banana 0.79
vodka
>banana 0.79
cat
>banana 0.79
baby
>banana 0.79
Carmen Miranda impersonator
>banana 0.79
banana
>ERROR: CALLING ATTENDENT

I used to do that with pick and mix candy.

>be 7 years old
>lego toy with old price stamp for 1.19
>go to buy it with saved up pennies
>attendent scans toy
>monitor price 1.29
>get accused of changing price stickers
>cry
>security called
>cry more
>parents buy toy at scanned price
>apologise for my actions
>get treated like shit for a month by parents for trying to steal toy
>i dint nuffin. but seriously for real, i dint nuffin :(

no one will want to read your story if you dont green text it user

all the albertsons closed in my area..
i miss it ;-;

Similar
>friend steals yugioh cards
>drops all of them from jacket
>getaway driver peels out
>friend left
>tackled
>face up on no welcome list

>at the local co-op grocery shopping
>pickup some watermelon slices that were in the sale bin
>at checkout hippie cashier doesn't believe me that they are on sale and rings up the produce lady
>she confirms that they are only $2
>he tries to explain to me how i'm getting a "great deal" on these watermelon slices that should be $5 because of the cost of labor farming them and chopping them up
>tell him I don't give a shit and leave
>his face when

>at Ralph’s
>just wanted jalapeño cheddar rolls
>go to self-checkout because lines are packed and I just have 1 item
>self-checkout has bakery menu
>bakery menu has no option for cheddar jalapeno rolls, only regular rolls
>pay $1 for my cheddar jalapeno rolls even though a clerk walked by like 3 times while I was paying

10/10 content 6/10 greentexting ability

Those attendants usually don't give a shit unless you have some tryhard dickeater.
One time when ringing up organic as regular the thing beeped for the attendant. I thought I was had but the dude just scanned his card and told the machine everything was fine and walked off.

>getting some hot smoked salmon
>looking through the box with pieces of different sizes
>each piece is individually prized
>at the very bottom I find the largest piece of them all (530g if I remember correctly)
>it's prized at $12 cents
>decide to give it a try
>cashier either doesn't notice or doesn't care
>figured out that it should have cost about $22

I wonder if somone working there had stashed it at the bottom for themself..

>At target bout a year and a half ago
>Need to buy some Gillette razors to shave, also pick up some cheetos
>Go to check out
>Lady rings up my cheetos, then puts the razor in the bag without ringing it up
>Get charged $3 for 4 razors
>End up growing a beard anyway, so I still have 3 of those cocksuckers sitting around
Suck my fucking dick Gillette (but thank you for the free razor on my 18th birthday). Hope the lady didn't get fired either

When I was little my mom/dad would let get a drink me go over and read video game magazines while they grocery shopped.

I would walk up to the soda cooler in the back whenever Coke/Pepsi had a "Win a free soda under the cap" and start opening every drink and leaving them uncapped if I found a winner.

I'd eventually grab a nice Cream Soda/White Birch and run off.

Never got caught

I always ring up quinoa as popcorn at self checkout, it's like .15/lb

>self-actualization

c'mon now

>he got told what to do by a cashier
Holy fucking kek grow some balls

>$12 cents

I love wegmans. They used to be ungodly nonstrict about weighed items being scanned. Perhaps their system at my store were old as fuck.

Their cheapest item, vanilla ganrola, was .89 per pound. But every time I would get about 8lb of pistachios that were priced at about 7.99 per pound. So I usually only paid about 7 bucks or less for 8x the amount of pistachios. It was amazing.

I would also routinely buy candies that were priced similarly to the granola (usually peach rings because theyre fucking amazing) and get them for cheaper.

I stopped when I got caught once. I was trying to buy something expensive as hell in the bag and had it rung up as bananas or something else and the machine caught it as an incorrect item. I just played it off that I didnt realize I typed the wrong code. Havent done it since, and I still love wegmans.

I stole beer regularly from the same store for months, was never caught

Such autism
You know you could start eating them and still pay for them at checkout?

>notice a pack of gillette razors rubber banded closed
>open it
>the razors fall out
>put them in my pocket
>at checkout
>puss out and hand them to the cashier saying I found them on the ground

This. I've done it with meclizine and ginger ale before.

>get a bunch of zucchini
>cashier rings them up as cucumbers because stupid
>take my bag of "cucumbers" and go without saying a word

Sometimes if I do something like buy moldy cheese or forgot to check the eggs and they crack, or the bell pepper is moldy inside, I'll ring up some other item as something cheaper or in lesser quantity as a way of taking my money back

This one time I successfully applied for a job, my employer paid me money for the work I did and I used it to buy items from the store at retail price.

>Going through Timmy's cashier with a bag of 2 donuts
>"Is that one donut?"
>"Yep"

Also

>Going through same cashier with hot chocolate
>"One coffee?"
>"Yep"

>coffee is cheaper than hot chocolate
Since when?

Since I decided that I'm a badass.

yeah honestly no one really cares about ringing up shit as bananas or something but blatant nigger stealing is really shitty desu

>tfw i used to steal from stores (food) but never from people
>realize I am a better person than that
>stop

I dont even make that much money

Completely dependent on what stores you do it to.

>at grocery store self-checkout
>get a large box of expensive chocolates
>place a cheap packet of gum over the barcode
>the machine scans the gum instead of the box of chocolates
heh, dumb machines

Sorry, english is not my native language

>get free donut from tims
>order free donut and coffee
>cashier messes up and inputs a free coffee
>puts a finger on her lips indicating a 'shh' sound
What did she mean by this? It was very based

It was Himalayan tribal speak for "Rape my asshole until it bleeds"

Then you have to explain to the cashier why you're a disgusting piece of shit and felt it necessary to eat your groceries while you were still walking down the isles.

>Going through Timmy's cashier with a bag of 2 donuts
>"Is that one donut?"
>"Yep"
>"Could you open the bag, sir?"

What? They bag it for you behind the glass counter

what the fuck is meclizine

lol no you don't, they don't care at all

I was a little worried, but the universal tip for getting in trouble in life is to feign ignorance.

>"Yeah, here's the 2 donuts."

>go to the place with $8 croissants and $14 toast every morning before work
>one day the girl cashier gives me a free croissant, "the one I took looked small so here's another" *wink*
>instantly drop my artisanal bucatini everywhere
>make an awkward joke that comes out sounding like a veiled threat
>replay the scene in my head all day
>avoid the place for 3 weeks
>come back
>hey! where ya been we missed you!?
>mumble something about work sending me to europe again
>turn deathly pale and rush out with my croissant
Why can't they follow the script?

I think he's suggesting a hypothetical scenario where the cashier might not believe you and wanted to make sure it was only one.

Not at the university Timmy's. You fill your own bag, pour your own drink, etc. and then pay for it at a grocery store type of cashier.

>stole a shit ton of pokemon cards from target since the one near me got self checkout
>want to start playing magic but they put those little barcode things on the inside of the blister packs

kek, what was the awkward joke?

>artisinal bucatini
Someone's a bit of a fagottini

>bulk foods
>just a bunch of candy, nuts, oats, seeds etc
>you write the code on the label
>write cheap codes for expensive items
>also vary your items, bananas are cheap but so are celery, onions, potatoes, etc.

"don't ever try to cheat me again, or I will rape you and kill your family in the name of allah, you godless whore"

Business idea:

>purchase an assortment of products under $1 with small barcodes
>go home
>photocopy the barcodes
>cut them to size
>apply some adhesive to the back of them
>go back to the store
>stick these barcodes on expensive products
>scan at self-serve checkout
>sell the products for 1/3 of the store price on ebay

>Buying stuff for the month
>Cashier is doing his work
>I'm carrying a pack of milk
>Cashier is done with the groceries
>I walk out normally
>The guard wasn't paying attention
>They have cameras but somehow didn't notice
>I had forgotten that I had milk untill I got home
>I get home and realize I didn't pay or the milk
>profit

barcodes only work once dumb dumb

proofs?