Moron advice

Absolute kitchen retard here, how do I learn how to cook guys?
Cooking was something my parents have always took care of when I was still living with them and they've never bothered to teach me it, even when I asked.
Now I really want to learn how to do food myself, especially that a few times I actually had a chance to do some cooking it was pretty fun, but it's all black magic to me. I have no fucking idea how to do even most basic stuff, what pots and shit and what "processes" are used for what kinds of food(or how do I even do said processes), which ingredients "fit" each other etc.Most of the people seem to simply know this kind of stuff by heart.

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You won't learn to cook on Veeky Forums, that's for d*ng sure

youtube. com/user/SeriousEats/videos

start here, you need one large pot and one large pan at the very least, everything else you can purchase as you go one, when you feel you need it

If you can't figure out basic level cooking on your own with no help by just looking at the materials needed you are a retarded and should probably get an in-home nurse.

Chickens die when they are cooked

No shit, I realise this is a vital life skill and therefore I want to fucking learn it. The thing is, my thought process when trying to prepare something is usually something like this:
>I want to cook
>Ok, I should put it in a pot and onto the stove, right?
>But what kind of pot do I use?
>Or should I use a pan?
>What about temperature?
>And for how long should I hold it in there?
>Should I pour some water inside or something, people do that, don't they?
>Or was that oil?
>Should I flip them?
>Or just pour enough water to sink them and stir?
Etc. Questions like that just keep piling up for almost every single thing. I realise that for most people this is somehow basic knowledge, but it's something I personally just never had a chance to learn
Thank you, looking good, I'll definitely look into it
Shit, and I thought I was supposed to put already dead ones in there...

Think of something you want to eat.
Look up recipe on youtube.
Prepare EVERYTHING before hand.
Follow recipe.

the great thing about now is that you can actually google most of these questions or look up a video that contains the information. i don't know much about cooking but i still love to cook, and oh boy do i google a lot of really stupid shit while i'm doing it.

also, just watching cooking shows can help with your basic feel for things. find someone you think is funny, hot, interesting, whatever, and just watch what they do. you don't have to pick up any particular information, but you'll see them go through the motions, see their cookware and techniques, and that will carry over to what you do in the kitchen.

for example, my weakness is the goofy shit on food network (worst chefs in america, chopped, chopped after hours, beat bobby flay, etc). those are obviously not any good for formal training but i love all the people so it's super engaging and i do get some information out of it.

you censor dang?

This isn't your usual Veeky Forums board. We have standards, for instance.

Standards? Or do you not want mommy to take away your computer?

You are currently connected to the largest, most easily accessible repository of knowledge mankind has ever even dreamed of. You have questions about something as foundational to the human experience and even survival as cooking. Something that people have been teaching each other and learning for millennia. Something that people become world famous and rich for being able to teach others. Why are you asking an anonymous anime imageboard these questions?

Binge watch food wishes.

This is a bored of blue, a bored of piece. Please to not being rude in future occasions friend, many thanks to you.

You're new here so I'll let off with just a written warning, but if you continue to mock and belittle this board and its posters I'll be forced to report your posts.

The one thing you need to remember is that when you're still learning, the worst thing you can do is either burn something or make something bland, and if you're following a recipe step by step you're very unlikely to even fail at that. Eventually you'll feel comfortable to make minor alterations to your recipes based on what you have available (because eventually you'll just want food in your face without having to run to the store to grab that one ingredient), and once you branch out like that you'll start trying out intentional substitutions based on what sounds tasty to you (after all, you eat food, you know what tastes good to you, so just roll with it).

H*ck yeah we do.

Because I wanted to ask people who are actually knowledgeable about it for an advice on good and efficient way of learning other than just searching every single thing online? Or some advices, rules of thumb, anything?
"Google it" is an advice I can give myself on my own

>"Google it" is an advice I can give myself on my own
So do that. It's a good way to find information from
>people who are actually knowledgeable about it
I have biggest advices to yous and most anons is to learn to search better, so that you don't feel like you have to search
>every single thing online

Sorry about your learning disability.

>I wanted to ask people who are actually knowledgeable about it
Then why are you on Veeky Forums?

>advice on good and efficient way of learning other than just searching every single thing online?
Nigga you learn by research and by doing. This isn't rocket science, you're taking food and turning it into other food, that's it.

And you're not going to make some fancy fucking duck confit with microgreen compote right away, your first meals will be easy shit like spaghetti with jar sauce.

A good starting point is eggs. Just make sure you have a nonstick pan and either a plastic or wooden spachaila. Eggs are cheap so if you fuck up no big deal. There are plenty of videos out there that walk you through the simple process of cooking eggs.

I'll tell your mommy about your inflation porn stash

>spachaila

I've never food shopped either OP, and I'm 25 years old. My mother always did it for me. But now that I bought a house after living at home I just order large amounts of mres in bulk so I won't have to go outside much, I don't even use a refrigerator for anything.

mealkitsupply.com/MRE/US/product/pallet-mre-12-pack/

This is what I got, I'd recommend just ordering mres online and eating them, no going outside, and no more food shopping. I also keep all of my snacks and drinks in my bedroom also, so I don't have to go to the kitchen. Pic related. Most of my mres are kept in the pantry, so I can't put my snacks anywhere else

You are going to want to learn how to cook a protein, a starch, and a veggie. You should start with chicken thighs as they don't dry out as bad as a chicken breast if you over cook them, and they are cheaper. Cook some rice to go along with that. And cook some kind of veggie to go along with that. You can cook most veggies in a pan with some oil until they start to get tender. Use Google. Find a recipe and stick to it at first.

user, that's what I was doing for past 4 years or so, that and eating in town, but I don't think you understand, I actually want to learn cooking.
Okay, seem like a solid advice, thanks

I would say pick a recipe you want to eat, and follow it. It sounds like I'm being a dick but by just doing carefully what the recipe says, and observing what happens to the ingredients you can get get a feel for things

retard

Basic rule of thumb, other than water, don't try to cook everything on high heat...

i actually did

Just learn like you would anything else. Theres nothing special you have to do or know beforehand.
There are a few pitfalls to avoid: when you start out (could be for years) be very basic and use cheap shit.. Dont go aiming for elaborate or expensive recipes or expensive ingredients. Dont buy weird gadgets and tools, just be very basic and only increase things when you know for sure how it works (it moves quickly.. alot of things you only have to do once or twice to understand fully). Herbs and spices are you paint but look for them cheap at first like in asian grocers.
Also go along at a comfortable pace or else you will have some kind of enevitable mental trainwreck and probably have wasted alot of time and money on useless shit.

Veeky Forums doesnt have much in the way of reference or literal information but the attitude of the people here is a very good guide.. Its a very important ingredient in cooking. Its like being taught how to play baseball by a baseball player vs reading it from an instruction manual.

If only there were a book devoted to cooking. A book that is really old and filled with instructions on how to cook food. A book you could find in any garage sale or used bookstore for real cheap.

I can cook and I even collect and own a lot of cookbooks, but all you can learn from them are recipes and maybe some stuff about various diets. But not actually cooking.

OP user the simplest stuff for a beginner are stews, because they are basically impossible to fuck up as long as there is water in the pot (BTW first lesson in heat control - as long as there is a decent amount of water in you pot or pan it wont get hotter than the boiling point of said water)

Get some potatoes, onions, carrots, leeks, cut that shit up and boil it in water some instant stock for 15 minutes. Wa la.

Stufff you should always have hand. Buy large amounts it all lasts forever (weeks):

carbs: potatoes (waxy & mealy), pasta, rice, flour, cornstarch, grits.

veggies: onions, garlic, tomatoes, leeks, maybe some celeriac and peppers

fruit: apples, raisins

other stuff: sugar, milk, butter, high temp oil like canola, eggs

spices: salt, pepper, caraway, oregano, thyme rosemary, parsley, curry, sweet and hot paprika,
maybe some cumin, soy sauce, washyoursistersauce (worcestershire) some hot sauce.

Dont get discouraged if and when shit goes wrong, it takes some practice. With some experience you will be able to tell exactly when your pan is too hot or too cold - from the heat coming off it, how the oil flows and shimmers, how stuff sizzles when you put it in, how quickly it browns etc. Dont walk away when stuff is cooking, you WILL forget about it.

>But not actually cooking
hol up, I gotchu senpai

It is the difference about reading an instruction book about Karate or painting and actually learning a martial art or how to paint.

You can get a MUCH better grasp on cooking techniques through book learning than you could something like martial arts or painting. Cooking techniques (how to braise, how to saute, etc, etc) are more science than art in that respect.