Its ok, my child. You can confess your Veeky Forums sins to me

Its ok, my child. You can confess your Veeky Forums sins to me.

I sharpened someone's knife at thanksgiving and the stone was too fine and I ran out of time, so I just threw a massive burr on it to make it seem really sharp and they still don't know what a sharp knife really is

Eat two McChickens and all is forgiven.

Forgive me Father, for *braaaaaaaaap* I am sinning. I confess I am taking a huge dump in the confession booth. *pbbbbthhh*

No sin is too great, my son.

Your penitence is one week without tendies and not browsing /tv/.

Now I am jacking off in the booth, Father. Please, tell me how much I have sinned, for it will make me cum harder.

>I made a sandwich on a surface who had raw chicken before
>I droped an egg on cold oil
>I ate nothing but chocolate cookies and Coke for a day
>I ate a dog snack once
>while cooking on the house of a female friend I asked for her to pass me cutlery that was way down so she had to get on all fours and point her butt up, she was wearing some semitransparent hippie sackpants that made it like she was wearing nothing at all, she told me"stop looking at my ass dummy" I didnt stop

Now that I think of it I think she did it on purpose as later she went behind the tv to fix a cable and made the same pose while giggling

I didnt do anything this will haunt my dreams forever, as she was my oneitis at that point

yeah, she wanted the dick
massive sin that will be hard for our father to forgive

Masturbation is not a sin, carry on.

You can be absolved of your sins if you ask that female friend over and cook her a nice meal and then eat her asshole out for dessert.

Forgive me father for I have sinnned. A few days ago I got a new cast iron skillet. Yesterday I was cooking some sausage and onions in it for a jambalaya-type meal but with a more Mexican twist. I decided that since I had two cups of chicken stock I was going to cook the rice in anyway, it would be fine to use it to deglaze the skillet once the sausage was good and seared. I have no idea if that’s even something you can do without ruining the seasoning on the pan, but I did it anyway. It looka fine, but I blatantly disregarded the integrity of my tools. But perhaps the greater sin was the culinary abortion that was the resulting dish; kielbasa, black beans, and onions in a thick tomato sauce mixed into jasmine rice cooked in chicken stock with assloads of Mexican spices. I made a huge pot of it and the leftovers will likely last well into the week.

That last one is your greatest sin by far.

Your sins will be forgiven if you mend the skillet and take care of it in the future. Watch two video highlight clips of Gordon Ramsey yelling at people and all will be forgiven.

It's not your fault, you couldn't have known since it was probably the first time it happened to you. Next time be prepared.

>Next time

I haven't eaten anything but raisin bran for the past six days.
Every time I think I need to take a shit, nothing comes out.

Ah my poor child.

Head to your nearest preferred fast food institution and order double your usual order.

This should do the trick for your sin.

What if his usual order is nothing?

An Italian told me not to eat gorgonzola with fruit but instead with bread or crackers. I don't understand why they say it's disgusting when it's obviously much better with fruit than with bread or any other bland starch

Give it straight to me, doc. Do the daily doses really cure my cancer?

It didn't for my dad.

I can feel myself getting fatter

I ate an entire bag of Cheetos yesterday

I've gotten my daily dose for the past 10 years and I've never gotten cancer. So something has to be working.

I need to get this out into the open.

A few days ago, I woke up late and I was all like: "Oh fuck I don't have time for breakfast". Being the brainy specimen that I am, I started to shove some ramen into one of those glass Snapple bottles and then poured some boiling water into it and then gave it a quick shake before throwing it into my car and driving to work. As I expected the ramen had cooked by the time I had got to work, but it seems that harder than you think to nonchalantly drink a fucking bottle of ramen. My boss came over and laughed at me that morning and I've been the laughing stock of the office since then.

Last night, when I went to sleep I had a dream about a milkman who dropped off a bottle of ramen every morning to people's houses. I wake up not knowing if that was the stupidest fucking thought ever thought up by man or a solution to the epidemic of people not eating breakfast.

Father, please show me the way. Amen.

pick up the gun, user.

the fuck is a daily dose

I think that probably makes 3 sins in total. The first sin, 1 for being a Veeky Forums without a usual fast food order, and another 1 for hiding such a sin.

I ja/ck/post every day.

what the fuck is that webm

party cheese salad/the tip of the iceberg

an animated gif of the character Piccolo from Dragonball Z violently raping the character Vegeta
t. /v/ermin

is vegeta trying to fight back and screaming and crying like a little bitch

How do you shove ramen in a bottle???

You don't want to know

I kinda like ketchup sometimes and I'm a tryhard with mustard

Being a newfag is sinful.

I like to use ketchup instead of butter on bread. Sometimes I put it on the same slice of bread I put mayo or mustard on.

I dont clean cast irons
Copper pans or whatever are memes
I wash knives in a dish washer
I use paper plates
I masturbate to porn a lot
I love frozen pizzas

When I was sixteen, I fucked up the three part process of making spaghetti. Instead of dumping the noodles into a strainer, I simply took the pot off of heat and poured the sauce into the boiling water...

I used a spoon to scratch inside my but crack and then I used the same unwashed spoon to eat cereal, I was opposite ends tho

...

I actually like to cook, but most of the time I'm tired or just lazy.

I'm lazy, so I chop my veggies on plates instead of a cutting board and use way to tiny knives to do it. I don't even want forgiveness, the guilt weighs heavy on my shoulders and I deserve it

I don't actually cook anything and just eat fast food/ deli at the grocery store. I hate my kitchen because I live with three other people and it's always filthy, I love cooking, just hate my kitchen, so I live vicariously through you fucks.

I fucked up chicken hearts.
I saw them on sale and I thought I could make them. By god I was wrong. I ate all of it too because my mom was laughing at me. If I die of some chicken related disease, I deserve it.

I eat my boogers

I used to put sour cream in my stir fry and rice/beans.

I put honey on everything. Chips, bread, fish, pizza, rice, fries... shit is so good

I also do this. My nose is extremely clean and I never get sick, although probably not causal.

I wanted to work in a slaughterhouse because I like seeing chickens/chicks/ducks in distress and/or dying violently. I'm not even trying to be edgy. It's literally only birds that I like seeing die.

are you me lol

lmfao youre such an insecure cuck holy shit lighten up my dude
itll all be okay

piece of shit

brraaaaaaap

i like pineapple on pizza

I crowded the pan
forgot the shaka shaka
made fun of a fat lady doing cooking demos on YouTube

I cook my steak well done in microwave with ketchup

>not browsing /tv/
Sounds pretty good to me. Literal 0/10 worst board

Kys or confess.

Fucking white people. I swear

I prefer pizzas and pastas without sauce.

*huffs jenkem*

i cooked some eggs without oiling the pan

Bought locally produced and affordable Asian style tofu, which doesnt even remotely compare to regular European vegan cuck grocery store tofu.

I was too lazy to marinade it, threw in in a very hot cast iron skillet. It was great, nice crust, yet soft and tasty. Figured I'd glaze it, immediately the hot skillet burnt all the sugar in the marinade and everything was black and gooey.

Get the fuck off Veeky Forums and do your schoolwork normalfag.

Me too. I wonder if other people have disgusting-tasting boogers or it's just an acquired taste. I wonder how other people's boogers taste but not enough to ever dare it.

I regularly use garlic power because I'm too lazy to mince fresh garlic. I use ground ginger instead of fresh a lot too.

>Asian style tofu
Juxtaposed to
>Vegan cuck tofu
I'm sorry but this post beautifully demonstrates the inconsistent and nonsensical rhetoric of this hellsite. Words mean actually nothing, any expression maybe has a determinate meaning for all of five seconds before its opposite becomes interchangeable with it. Nothing means anything and every thread is a sad sham, a parody of authentic communication.

I fucking hate all of you.

I made one of thos puffy omelet things because I thought I could do it better than le fwee eggs faggot. I stabilized the whites with with cream of tartar before returning them to the yolks after whipping. I used heavy cream to create the same volumizing effect in soufle. I then layered in with thin (mandolined) slice of ham and cheese before burning and crying. To be fair I still did all of this faster than some instagram fuck and if I lower the heat a notch I'm more than positive I'll have an exponentially better soufle style omelet than any of these piece of shit talking heads that seem to overun culinary circles.

I have never used fresh herbs in my cooking. But I plan to remedy that in the spring. I'm going to start an herb garden.

>fruit and cheese together
Sacredieu

He’s right, you know. There’s a genuine difference between shitty tofu marketed to vegans and Asian tofu.

>trusting Italians with culinary advice
Side note, I bet they were really just 1/6th Italian too.

>spend hours simmering a delicious stock
>strain it over sink
>mfw i realize i didn't put anything underneath and poured all my stock down the drain.
I just stood there for a minute looking at the sieve full of boiled chicken bones and onions. Forgive me.

...

I put semen and spit in my French toast mix and serve it to family. I enjoy the perverse feeling of guilt.

Regular tofu that is sold in grocery stores around here literally tastes like rubber. Has the same consistency, too. The only tofu with flavour you can buy is smoked tofu, which is somewhat decent or artificially flavoured tofu, which is disgusting and really expensive.

Asian tofu, on the other hand, has a completely different taste and texture. It's soft and almost spongy. It doesn't taste like rubber and it's decent even if you don't marinate it to hide its regular flavour.

Asians don't use tofu to substitute animal products, they use it for what it is. Asian tofu basically is soy cheese, just like Indians would use paneer.

>co/ck/s thinking theyre qualified to judge the shittiness of other boards
wew

its jack
honestly its not worth looking into, once you know of jack you can never go back no matter how much you wish you could

I am extremely paranoid over getting sick so i cook my meat well done

were you anally raped by a goose as a child or something?

Same my man

Seek help and Xanax.

Cool. I also enjoy slaughtering animals. It's the power trip I guess?

Found the liberal.

>Asian style tofue
AKA processed and bought from an asian store. It's got less water and a different texture, unless you get the smoked version. Then it's ACE

>Vegan cuck tofu
This is the shit you buy in any and every store that tastes like shit, has WAY too much water, and doesn't even have the right texture. You have to first squeeze all the water out, then salt it to get more water out, then freeze it to fix the texture.

It's not our fault you're part of the outgroup and can't understand the ingroup's language. I understood the man fine.

That happened many years ago we had something on the line later but we ended being just friends

On the side note im smashing my wife's latina pussy errday so its all good

I out lime on rice, spaghetti, just about everything. Excessive amounts too. Without it, everything tastes [spoiler]Like shit[/spoiler]

I have done nothing wrong but eat tons of eggs and put unhealthy amounts of garlic on everything.

No real Italians (cousins in Italy) I'm the amerimutt. But yeah you're right

What's the problem? The sweetness and tartness goes well with the strong flavor

I used to peel potatoes before boiling them to make mash potatoes.

I aint even mad.

-god

I was half a second away from doing this the other night. You're not alone, user.

A common sin, don't feel guilty child

Fuck off the board you double niggers

I once stuck my dick in chocolate pudding to see what I would look like if I was black.
Seemed a bit bigger lads.

I buy frozen veggies and steam them in the microwave.

I make my baked potatoes in the microwave and eat them with salt, pepper, garlic powder and ketchup. Whole. Like fucking apples.

>not blocking ads
you are the absolute nigger

RUINED

you don't even add spices?

I have been living off munchies for the past two months because I'm too lazy to cook.

I fry things in olive oil even though the smoke point is very low because I genuinely enjoy the carcinogenic burnt flavour

how to block adds on chrome on my phone pls help

...

I once ate 400g of chocolate after eating 600g of pizza all in the span of 1 hour.