Confess your sins. All will be forgiven

I once watched a fellow cook drop a hot ham-and-cheese sandwich on a rubber kitchen mat, dust it off, and serve it.

food related: other than that one time i cooked a skinned deer fetus in the skin of a turkey.

i once threw a bit of human bone in a bone stock. i live in a place where it floods and coffins poping up is not uncommon, and well... it was old and dead dry and probably contributed no actual flavor. just being edgy.

still have the bone, not sure what to do with it.. it is the unfuzed epiphisis of the femur from maybe a 10 year old.

I ate this.

Hell I'd probably eat it. I'd definitely jew myself into a free meal tho if I knew a restaurant did that.

Yes, quite.

>me, working room service at a fancy boston hotel
>phone rings.
>"room service"
>"Is your clam Chowder good?"
>"Yes Ma'am its exquisite."
>"Are you sure? because I'm from Cape Cod"
>"actually I am to. I can vouch for it. What part of the cape are you from?"
>"just bring me a clam chowder and xxx,xxx, xxx"
>CLICK
>bitch was rude, but whatever
>god i know that voice from somewhere. ugh.
>the other food items she order come up. Took a little while cuz the kitchen was backed up
>expeditor loads my tray with the ticket.
>i bowl the chowder
>run the order.
>get to the top floor
>FUCK I FORGOT A SOUP SPOON
>look around
>dirty tray in the bus room with a soup spoon in a half-eaten crock of french onion soup
>grab some ice from the vending machine
>melt the ice with my hands and scrape the crusted onion off the spoon
>spit shine it on my pants
>knock knock
>room service
>Kathy Bates opens the door
>play it cool
>visiting from Falmouth, Ma'am?
>Oh, I don't live there anymore.
>Enjoy your dinner.

TL;dr Kathy Bates put a spoon in her mouth that i cleaned on my pants, and she tipped me $20 for the privilege.

i sometimes break spaghettis in the middle before cooking them

even for kebab that looks like shit

>human bone in a bone stock. i live in a place where it floods and coffins poping up is not uncommon

Do you feel like the embalming chemicals added much flavor?

no joke, the kids in washington DC make a drug called "dippers" by dunking joints in embalming fluid and drying them out before they smoke them. Makes you horny then you black out with no memory. chemically addictive after one dose. Basically you're smoking rape.

But enjoy that bone broth!

eh, the bone was scentless and old enough to be brown, not white. i dinnt die.

There was a survey that found 74% of cu/ck/olds are literally retarded.

I cook burger patties in the microwave

my favorite drink is fireball on the rocks

They don't dip it in actual embalming fluid retard. That's slang for sherm aka PCP

my favorite beer

stop being poor

I bought refried beans and dry beans in one trip because I can't decide how I want to prepare my poorfag dinners.

That's pretty good. Any other stories from the room service stint?

I secretly snack on crackers topped with easy cheese

is that a fucking chink phone watermark

I use ketchup instead of spaghetti sauce

Go fuck yourself.

I don't allow cheese or pepperoni to go on my pizza, just the sauce. Then again, I only get pizza from a local place where the sauce is 50/10 and the cheese and pepperoni both taint the flavor. Regardless, I am embarrassed by this fact.

Sometimes I eat steak medium well with ketchup because I like that flavor

When I was a kid experimenting in the kitchen, I asked my mom if I could use a little of her pie crust. She agreed, so I rolled it out like pizza dough and added parmesan cheese and ketchup, then ate it without cooking it.

instead of boiling water over a stove, I just microwave it.

I ate a quarte pounder today with fries. I bought a McChicken and a McDouble and stuck it in the fridge for breakfast tomorrow.

Hey, fuck you man, that's despicable

I drink these once in a while

no no no. WET is a joint dipped in liquified PCP. Dippers are straight embalming fluid. A city like dc has a lot of black-run funeral homes, and its not uncommon for a teenager to get his first job apprenticing at a mortuary. Then they get fired for stealing the formaldehyde.

the kiddos in DC can't afford the real thing, so they smoke this stuff. Wet (pop) goes for 20 or so a stick. dippers are like $5. Trust me - this is the voice of experience talking.

I'm a Veeky Forumsfag who knows little to nothing about food or cooking, and come here only for beer threads and comfy webms.

two notable ones come to mind.

one, an older lady opened the door wearing only a bathrobe and it was untied. She was prob mid-50's and made zero effort to cover up. she also didn't make any kind of a proposition, so I think she just didn't give a fuck.

Two - drunk ass lady laughing so hard she can barely get her order in. She orders two dinners, so i bring them up. Two 40 year old cougars drunk as skunks wearing negligee. I flirt a little bit, but i have a t least 3 hours of my shift left so i can't stay and don't really try to. about an hour later it was quiet and the manager told me i could go home if i wanted. here's what happened next:
>i call the room with the horny ladies
>"hi this is room service. I just wanted to make sure you enjoyed your meal and wanted to see if there was anything else i could bring for you"
>"yes a bottle of Moet and whipped cream and berries"
>"excellent choice ma'am how would you like the berries? we can bring them fresh or i can dip them in chocolate"
>"how about i just eat them off your chest?"
>"haha you're adorable ma'am. I'll bring an assortment" And how many champagne glasses will you need?"
>"3"
>"be right up!"
and that's the story of how i had my first threesome

I use HP sauce for every meat, especially sausages, it tastes so good.

Only peasants have to cook for themselves
>b-but it's cheaper
lmao poor people

when you're saying kiddos are you referring to like 14 yr olds smoking their first blunts or are we talking legit crackheads

I regularly eat Rustlers microwave burgers. I tend to add bacon, onion rings and jalapenos to them. Tend to just have them as a lunch thing, if I'm doing burgers for an evening thing then I'll make proper burgers with mince.