The Fat Scot's Diabetic Hellfeast

Sup fuckers, it's ya boi the fat scot comin back atcha with another cookalong. You may remember me from the thread where I deep-fried cheese and bread and pretended I was a genius.

That was pleb shit. We candy now, bois.

I'm makin' rice krispie squares, and I'm doing it my way.

Specifically, I got the idea to make rice krispie squares with the fondant filling from creme eggs instead of chocolate.

Pic related; it's my ingredients. If the place looks different compared to last time, it's because I moved to a new flat.

reddit tier humor

Let's start with the filling: My intent is to make something similar to Cadbury Creme Egg filling, but cheaper, because I'm poor as shit.

Start by weighing out 50-60g of butter. I'm using proper butter here, though not expensive stuff.

I had an idea and thought I'd share. If'n you're not into the idea of a cookalong with a jolly fatman, hide the thread and continue posting about mcchickens and gordon ramsay.

A little pre-creaming to soften up the butter before I add the syrup.

Lyle's Golden Syrup. A staple of british desserts, made by refining cane sugar. It's bloody thick, and sickeningly sweet. We need a fair bit. My recipe calls for 170g.

Comfy cookalongs are always appreciated.

I think I underestimated the syrup. Thankfully I have plenty of spoons to help with things like this.

Cat pictures are likewise well-received, friendo.

I love the sweets over in the UK. Fruit Pastilles are good.

Behold, an abstract recreation of a dinosaur drowning in a tar-pit. I love the colour of the syrup.

I promise this looks better eventually. Cream together the syrup and butter until you have a single gloopy liquid.

I haven't had fruit pastilles in about 2 years. Fuck. I should get some.

Behold: the secret ingredient! I think I ended up using too much, but who cares, vanilla is fucking top tier.

This is what it should look like. About the same colour as custard, but thicker. If you're using clear corn syrup, it will look closer to white.

ready to puke desu

Time for our thicc boi to bulk the fuck up. Eat your powder, my son. (375g of icing sugar)

Understandable. What you're witnessing is the birth of a dessert made from almost entirely pure sugar. The thread title was not a mistake, user.

YAMERO

Several minutes of beating matched only by baby boomer parenting techniques produces this. This shit eats spoons and weighs more than the average toddler.

You'll want to use a little water to loosen it up while you mix. It's not easy. What *is* easy is controlling the viscosity of the filling. I went for a very stiff mixture that would hold its shape.

Now that that's done, time to make the base! Nothing complicated, just melt chocolate in whatever way you feel comfortable with.

I chose the traditional method. By the way, that's a 200g bar of chocolate. Think it'll be enough? I'm sure it'll be enough.

Can't forget the tray! Gotta grease that shit like John Travolta.

I have a feeling this will be insufficient.

We need more. Another half-bar should do it.

There we go. My heart is recoiling prematurely.

While that melts, we'll get the filling made up. Get some cronch up in here.

Cheapshit fake krispies, sideways camera and shaky-handed blurry photos can mean only one thing:

We are in the realm of rice cryptids.

SHit, it ate my picture. Boom. The cronch approaches.

It begins. The marriage of rice cryptids and thiccboi sugar daddy paste.

Candid photo of the couple on their honeymoon. They've had an active night.

My teeth hurt.

I can only assume this means the chocolate is ready.

ew

Time to let the chocolate nap for a bit. It needs time to recover from its horrific melting ordeal. When it returns to us it will be strong, and will carry the happy couple on their way to a blissful domestic life.

As you probably guessed, I actually did all this hours ago. The chocolate turned out great! A beautiful chauffeur for the filling.

I had some leftover chocolate, and decided that instead of just eating it like a monster, I'd torture it and dismember it to serve as a topping.

It took some convincing, but I got the filling to sit tight. Kinda looks like mac and cheese from this angle.

And here's the finished product, taking some chill time in the fridge to set.

Gonna take a few minutes to upload the last few images of the final dish.

>not getting twist of chilli sausage

I'm not a chilli fan.

Anyway, i managed to get it out of the tray in one piece, which is a bigger success than I'm used to.

Look at that. Ain't that beautiful?

That's fucking beautiful. Cross-section to follow.

And there it is. I took a bite, and while it *is* sickening, it's also delicious. I judge this experiment (codename: "Creme Krispies") a success.

My boss at works wants to pay me to make these again, since we work at a dessert parlour and traybakes are on the menu.

>I'm not a chilli fan.