How the fuck do i make cheeses???

Like, let's say I have a access to a decent amount of fresh cow and sheep milk.How do i make different types of cheese at home?
For example, how do i make brie, but also parmiggiano, gauda, cheddar, fucking blue cheese etc...?
Different types of cheese taste so fucking different and yet, they mostly seem to have the same technic of making

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Do you own a climate-controlled cellar/storage room/cavern?

m-maybe?

Ohhh man dairy chemistry is a delicate thing. Cheese making is all about the coagulation of proteins within the cheese. There are two main types: casein and whey. Casein is about 82% of the protein and whey (or serum) makes up the remainder. There are different subgroups within these, but we'll keep it simple.

SO you need to know how to coagulate proteins. This is done by reaching the isoelectric point (pI) of said proteins. You can do THIS via pH reduction or ionic solute addition. All cheeses I have made and know of utilize pH suppression. The pI of the casein micelle is at about pH 4.6 where as serum's is lower, spanning from (and this is off the top of my head, so not exact) 2.8-4.5, depending upon temperature and whatnot.

Now that we know the components and the chemistry of them, we can choose an acidification technique, of which there are two: direct and indirect. Direct acidification uses an acid source such as soured whey, lemon juice, or even vinegar to initiate curd formation/protein coagulation. You may also use starter culture to consume the sugars in milk, poop out acid, and indirectly acidify your milky mess.

con't

Now that we've covered acidification techniques, all there is is fat, syneresis, and ageing.

Fat: more fat, softer cheese, more interesting ripening characteristics due to lipoxidation.

Syneresis: after forming the curd, water may need to be expelled (say you're making a harder cheese, like cheddar). Syneresis is water expulsion post-curd formation. Salt helps this. Salt also selects for a particular microflora, which leads us into....

Ageing: ageing conditions radically alter the flavor/aroma of the cheese as both time and temperature affect what bacteria and molds take hold and thrive.

Bonus: Milk Quality. The milk quality will, of course, matter due to not only it's fat and protein content, but its sugar composition (unpasteurized milk has far more complex sugars than UHT milk) and more subtle notes of it's dairy character. Kiwis, for example, tend to like grassy-tasting milk/cheese/yogurt.

in English, doc...

In conclusion, I'd say start out trying yogurt first to wrap your arms around curd formation and because you can just use purchased yogurt as your starter culture. From there, use the dichotomy I presented above, record what does and doesn't work for you, and have fun! Let us know how it goes, or if you have any questions.

So in essence: Curd formation is relatively straightforward and simple so even an above average Veeky Forums poster is probably capable of achieving success. Water removal will require buying or jury rigging some kind of press (beyond all but 5% of Veeky Forums) and aging will require a humidity and temperature controlled environment (beyond all but .1% of Veeky Forums). Iow, it's likely the most advanced cheese OP can make is mozarella.

You don't really need one, it's just better.

Cheese making is a lot of fun. The differences in the flavor of the cheese is all in the different techniques of making it.

I think it's like, Cheddar, Gouda, Colby, Clydesdale, Munster, and few others all use the exact same ingredients.

Mozzarella is fun to make, and only needs to be aged a day, compared to months like others.

There are a million videos on Youtube for each kind of cheese. look them up.

That's why I suggested starting with yogurt.

And OP might be able to pull of queso fresco, too.