Q:

my very existence summed up desu senpai

Until the Reformation the criteria was being a member of the apostolic church (Catholic/Orthodox) run by bishops and assenting to its doctrine. Any other type of "Christian" would be a heretic.

worshipping YHWH is blase

And Catholics and Orthodox call each other heretics too. And there are a bunch of other churches that consider themselves Christian outside of the big three.

Dunno, my folks picked my name.

Ultimately known to God alone, but JW and Mormons seem too far off

because i'm a jew :)

Because I have nothing other than Pascal's wager to give me any reason to become a Christian. And even then I can't just become a Christian if I don't believe.

So I've got nothing, OP. I have no reason to be a Christian if I do not believe in a higher power as it is professed to be by the bible and by the religion.

Can you give me a reason why I should be a Christian?

If you are a jew, why you do not perform goat sacrifices?

never argue with a religious person, you'll get stuck in the loop of "because I have faith" and "my god is the only true god"