The main character of your favorite book has been replaced with a fat sassy black woman. How does it change the story?

AW HELL NO I ain't playing no game with no pale ass mother- you got another thing coming, yess'r
EH
THE HELL'S IN MY ASS?

Why this "Goblin Kang" be wanting my ring? Eh? HE LOVE A THICC WOMAN!

The Odyssey

So..nothing changed; moving on

Why y'all sailing after some kracka ass skinny bitch? These so-called men can't handle a REAL woman MMMHMM!

> When they had finished, when they had told each other everything, she laid her head on his shoulder, and asked him: "What is your name?"
> My name is Marius," he said. "And yours?"
> "My name is Charmaine."

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a brotha with swag, must be wanting a ho. However little known the feelz or views of such a man may be on his first entering da hood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered the pimp of some one or other of their daughters.

YOU AIN'T GOT NO DISCERNIBLE TALENT, YOU WHITE SKINNY BITCH

Crime & Punishment
>"Arrest her!"
>"B-but its only page 5 I ain't even kill nobody yet! God dayum"
>"Officer, an ape escaped from the St. Petersburg zoo!"
>"Aw hewww no, I'll show you a ape, skinny ass white boy, dick so small you can balls deep my belly button lookin ass"
>"Officer! H-her nails . . . She is some sort of witch! Get her!"

The sea turned to a club.

>The Iliad
>Pushing Ajax out of the way with her massive ass, causing him to kill himself in shame

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
>white rabbit runs past
>has watch and waistcoat
"Aww hell no! Nuh-uh! I aint followin' no cracka-ass rabbit into no hole! No black woman gonna die in this here story, I tell ya what!"

The idiot would really be an idiot

"So you's arrested me for being BLACK?"
"Non, it's because you've shot an Arab."
"I dindu nuffin officer."

Winesburg, Ohio. I think it would shorten the book by 90% because she would leave town in the first story.

Socrates is already a sassy black woman.
Nothing changes.

One could argue that the rocket is the true main character of Gravity's Rainbow, so...

I demand that you include this submission to your thread in the screencap that is assuredly being prepared at present and shall on completion be posted on other websites for purposes of increasing your social capital.

I demand that you include this submission to your thread in the screencap that is assuredly being prepared at present and shall on completion be posted on other websites for purposes of increasing your social capital.

>Be Socrates
>Use reason and logic
>Be sassy black woman
>Use social shaming and grunting noises

Nothing changes huh?

Don't put me in the screencap, but if someone replies to me, definitely put them in it.

jesus now turns water into water into kool aid

>grape drink

The Roman soldiers cast lots for his weave.

>Be Socrates
>Use reason and logic
Confirmed for never having read Socrates.

Why don't you think Socrates used reason and logic?

His blood is that purple drank and his body is thicc

Pilate therefore said unto her, Art thou a queen then? Jessannah answered, Yo be sayest Imma a queen. Honey, and for this cause I be coming down 'ere, that Imma be divine and tell y'all what's right. Y'all know I'm right. That's the truth, word is bond.
Pilate saith unto her, What is truth? And when he had said this, Jesannah our LORD let forth a deeply passive aggressive sigh, and he went out again unto the boys, and saith unto them, I find in her no fault at all.

I wuz walkin down tha beach n the sun wuz in ma eyez n e jump out in fronta me and I said ain't nobody got time fo that so I shot them mudfaka no what mean n now tha white boi blame me? Aw heeell naw I came ear to retake my black continent nigga we wuz kangz for you knew how to eat with yo two hands

Fucking majestic

The Little Prince would objectively be the greatest book ever.

>''Yall better not look at that damn star or imma start whoopin ass.''
>''Ain't gon' be no mufuggin hypnotic bio-weapon sludge eatin' Shaniqua today, no sir.''

>How does it change the story?
Barely, the whale simply becomes a different color

Faust:A knock? Enter! Who’s plaguing me again?
Mequistophales:Y'all know!
Faust: Enter!
Mequistophales: Dey must say it, tree times!
Faust: Enter!
Mequistophales: MMMHMM, now Y'all please me.
I hope dey we get along togeth'a:
dun drive away dat ghetto weath'a,
I’m frontin' like dat young Queens
In dat red, low-cut shirt,
In dey little ass mini skirt,
A Nike-kay tick on dey shoes,
Wit dat loooong, gowld chain,
And I tellin' that, at you's,
Y'all do as I do's, dat's why you's came
So dat, Twerkin', worryin' nuttin',
Y'all can live dey Life, punk-ass struttin'

>Heart of Darkness begins on the deck of the Nellie, a British ship anchored on the coast of the Thames. The anonymous narrator, the Director of Companies, the Accountant, and Shaniqa sit in silence. Shaniqa begins telling the three men about a time she journeyed in a steamboat up the Congo River.
imokwiththis.jpg

...

Kvothe gets welfare to attend the university thereby circumventing all his hardships and subsiquently gets expelled for chewing denner resin.

'wot yo mean I expelled, this sum rascist ass shit nigguh, this cos I Edema nigguh, shiiiieeeett'

Wut u meen they ain't got Maury pavich up in this biatch?! I can't lay round in this chair all day niggah. The hell I wan anuther tho-mom-metuh readun!It ready been twice tuhday! A SIS-TUH bout lose her mine up here.

>MAgik Mountainz

Siddhartha becomes Shaniqua rollin through sugar daddy's, then teaching Goldigga that all he gotta do to find peace is suck on rich dudes dicks