Was anyone else like this in high school?

this post is cringe to the extreme

>I loved the Foucault/Chosmky denate but didnt understood it.

Me too, I intellectually fetishized that debate, total cargo cult behavior on my part. I had no idea what Foucault's point was but it sounded very intelligent (I also pronounced his name completely wrong when I spouted off to my friends.)

>considered myself a philosopher, thought I understood Kant and Hegel because I read some of their wikipedia pages
Kind of.
>>pronounced "bourgeois" incorrectly for months until someone called me out on it
Similar experiences but not exactly that. Kafka, Nietzsche, Camus, etc. I said all these names out loud and pronounced em all wrong

The rest is a solid resounding 'no'

I completely agree. But what can one do except own up and move on?

>Had a journal I kept over my 19th summer (got laid thrice, once after a Luau) that I found and actually burnt in tears when I was 23. Wish I still had it. As one ages one becomes forgiving of one's earlier self. Or, if not, one should.
Good to know. I'm 23 now and still can't look back on my teenage self without cringing. I hope this changes, because I have a lot of pleasant memories suppressed with the bad.

what changed?

I remember being a Dawkins guy since day one, would think the guy was an absolute genius

I was similar but also very different
>Was really into Kant and Hegel, and would download any of their writings or read shit from the Stanford encyclopedia
>Thought Stalin was a pretty cool guy and doesn't afraid of anything, but ideologically was more keen on accelerationist stuff (lol)
>Read The Myth of Sisyphus and thought that absurdism was for faggots

>>Read The Myth of Sisyphus and thought that absurdism was for faggots
the only guy who didn't was the author

No, my hobbies were primarily Halo 3, WoW, dark souls and masturbating. I didn't give a shit about politics. The only "sophisticated" books I read during that time were some Dostoevsky novels.

My parents are self described socialists/communists and I always found them cringeworthy.

Nope, never read a book in high school because I felt I could guess what the author would write from looking at his face and reading the synopsis.

you don't happen to be from New Jersey? You sound like someone I know

Nah, did he ever grow out of it?

>atheist thought he understood kant
checks out

do americans never develop self-awareness?
I don't understand how can a 17 year old be so absolutely clueless

He definitely stopped being an asshole about it but he kind of doubled down and actually became smart. He sort of walked around town acting like Socrates. It was pretty amazing

but you're still very embarrassing my man

the sheer irony

OP was probably raised in a split household

I had an atheist phase,but I was never that bad.

When I was in high school my biggest concern was the minecraft server my friends and I had. I didn't give a shit about any of the things you're talking about. I still don't, in fact.

>thought I was exactly like Mersault
hahahahahaha

Worse. Much worse.
>considered myself a philosopher and writer
>never read philosophy in my life, I just regurgitated the "I learned so,etching today" monologues from Stan on South Park, and the few people didnt avoid me like the plague would say "wow you're so philosophical"
>was better than other kids at writing only because I would get a lot of practice instant messaging girls who never responded, and my default logic was that if I kept messaging them nonstop they would fall in love with me. Didn't work.
>never read a single book, barely kept up with English class readings
>talked down to everyone as if I was smarter than them
>put zero effort into anything in my life aside from going down the class lists of girls I would consider decent enough to fuck, stalking one completely (had a paid account on address/phone number/email lookup database sites which would usually end up in me texting "hey it's user from bio, I think you're like really cute" to her dad because the phone number listings weren't made always accurate), AOL instant message her incessantly, then on to the next girl on the list. It literally never worked out, not even once.
>had the audacity to be sour toward everyone when I graduated high school because I thought THEY were all the ones with the problems
>to this day if a random memory from those days intrudes my mind my existential angst temporarily blissfully slips away, not because I'm enlightened by some wisdom, but because I simply find it justified for my to be killed and wiped from existence immediately, unworthy of an afterlife.

Hah! Perhaps. But I can more than deal with it now.

no all I did was homework

ironic

I was blissfully unaware of my stupidity

now im fully aware of my stupidity and it's too late to change.

>>to this day if a random memory from those days intrudes my mind my existential angst temporarily blissfully slips away, not because I'm enlightened by some wisdom, but because I simply find it justified for my to be killed and wiped from existence immediately, unworthy of an afterlife.
This is me every time I recall my uni memories when I used to pretend to be a writer, talking about 'smart' things and being a total edgy. I deleted all my social media accounts so people I ever know probably forget me.

>had a paid account on address/phone number/email lookup database sites which would usually end up in me texting "hey it's user from bio, I think you're like really cute" to her dad because the phone number listings weren't made always accurate

How do you post this and not talk about the interactions you had with the dads, holy fuck. How did you not get expelled for stalking and harassment?

>Was anyone else like this in high school?
Yes, I knew a guy who was. He was such a fag.

Wait, is Kafka not pronounced how it looks?

No. Only you are that stupid.

Where about in Jersey are you from? I'm an NJ native currently residing in sunny California

I knew a dude like that, he was real fucking annoying.

When we read the Stranger in AP English the cunt would tell anyone who would listen that he felt like he was Mersault.

Told him everyone feels like that at times, but when you actually have the means to have friendships and can derive meaning from your relationships you can stop feeling like that. Kinda blew the gas out of him, but I figured someone needed to.

No idea where he is now, probably managing a romanian vhs store.

I'm imagining someone saying "Ka-fucka" with way too much bravado.

I never told anyone that I felt like Mersault, it was more of a "secretly I am just like Mersault, if only these plebes knew." Also once someone in my class said Mersault was unrealistic and that no one would ever act like that, and then someone turned around and said "no, he would be just like user!"

They probably meant it as an insult, but at the time I felt it was one of the best things anyone had ever said about me.

I used to Catcher in the Rye and The Stranger and thought my life was based upon that

But come to think of it every faggot who read those would think so

is it kah or ca as in cat?

The k's are silent in Czech.

Tale as old as time. One day in meditation I reached an undescribable serene state and from then on every attempt at meditation was filled with greed for that state, which naturally I could not reach, being as greedy and unmindful as I became. And so I meditated less and less and couldn't keep up my discipline in the other areas.

I didn't have internet when I was highschool, but yeah I also had similar stupid pseudo intellectual shit during my adolescent years.

I stopped doing it tho. It's just showing how insecure I was. That being said, to find someone with the same interest and having a guided conversation about it is kind of difficult.

I found out at my 10th reunion that I was a bully so no. Made me feel a little bad honestly.

I'm 32 and it doesn't get any better. Wait until your my age and you realize how stupid some of the shit you're doing now is. You'll just have to figure out how to block the cringey shit out while still remembering the good parts.

I was insufferable in high school. I was a stoner who thought I had unlocked the secrets of the universe just because I was so darn rebellious and smoked weed and stuff man. I think I read like 2 books during high school, but still I was completely arrogant about my knowledge and intelligence.

I also considered myself a trotskyite for a while, without really understanding Trotsky at all.

I was always trying to lecture my mother about politics.

>Had a journal I kept over my 19th summer (got laid thrice, once after a Luau) that I found and actually burnt in tears when I was 23. Wish I still had it.

I know these feels. Pretty much the exact same story. I was 23 when I incinerated the journals I'd made when I was 20, already finding them cringey as fuck. But now that I'm 27 I regret it massively. Those juvenile poems and the direct thoughts I had about my life at that time are now completely lost to me.

Everyone who reads this, keep your journals, no matter how cringey they seem in a couple years.

I've always been pretty reserved about my actual opinion and tried hard to be inoffensive through highschool. Because of that I wasn't that cringey (apart from a few normal teenager things) and didn't voice my opinions that much. I used to think that there was intrinsic good and bad in the world but don't really believe in anything like that anymore. Apart from that the only thing that has changed is my mental health has deteriorated and have needed medication to cope.

>It's a good book
Is it though

Anyone else read from childhood but stop in Highschool? I was such an autist growing up reading alone during lunch and whatnot, I tried to completely alter everything about me going into HS which included not reading. It was like a dark age

i'm 21 and I'm still a pretentious manchild. I'm self aware but I can't move past the Holden Caulfield mentality. there's really nothing else in my life besides art anyways, i may be a pseud but i'm a committed pseud. no way out.

you've barely left your teen years. of course you're still cringey. relax, bud.

I was a really shitty kid. I'm white and grew up in a trailer but went to a ghetto, predominantly black school. Was really aggressive and loud, spoke my mind and refused to back down from anything. I wasn't a Wigger though, just white trash.

Then when I was 13, Dad got a really good job that nearly tripled our income, and I found myself in suburbia, going to a small town school with 22 (yes, really) black people in my entire class. I tried hanging out with the weebs, but their "leader," was a passive aggressive autist and after the second time I beat his ass they wouldn't have anything to do with me. I tried hanging out with the "gamers," but when one of them got mad and threw a controller at me while we were playing Soul Caliber, I hit him with a chair and I was ostracized again.

I started a fight club at one point and got my eyebrow split open so bad that the skin flap touched the top of my cheek bone. The guy who hit me took me to Wendy's. He had broken his hand on my face so I figured we were even. Me and this goth kid who bought weed from me made a pipebomb in his garage once, we blew a chunk off the side of a dilapidated house in the woods just as a County Police cruiser was driving by, and spent the next 4 hours dodging cops innawoods. I got jumped once and bit one of the guys hands so hard my tooth chipped and I felt bone, they fucked off after that.

Now I go from home to daycare to work back to home. Me and my wife take turns cooking dinner and doing dishes. Then we sit on the couch and watch TV, I usually play on the computer while she plays on the iPad. At 8 we put our daughter to bed (Mommy has to help her brush her teeth and put pajamas on, Daddy has to tuck her in and sing her a song, in that order with no deviation) We watch an episode or 2 of whatever "adult" show we're on (just finished Shameless on Netflix) and at 10 we get in the bed and read like old people until we go to sleep.

I look back at my highschool days and wonder what my problem was, and marvel that I'm still alive. I was so angry over nothing, so careless with my body and mind. I had a hard time, and it was no one's fault but my own. I wish I could have been the way some of you say you were. I wish I could go back and just be a kid. I don't look back and cringe, I look back and regret, deeply and profoundly.

Sorry, I know I've gone off the rails a bit here. Wife and kid are out of town and I took a few days off so I'm a little drunk and a lot tired. Sometimes you don't know you need to get something off your chest until someone brings it up I guess.

>was a materialist existential pessimist
>regularly referenced Hegesias and the tale of him being banned over Death By Starvation any time I could
>enjoyed name-dropping and referencing characters like Raskolnikov in my essays
>lived for my English teacher's praise and was motivated in life solely by her
>pretended Master and Margarita was my favourite novel even though I understood nothing of it beyond a surface level understanding of what happened and that Woland was Satan
>Cioran and Epictetus were my favourite philosophers
>regularly tried to read Aquinas, Spinoza, Heidegger, Kant etc but didn't remotely understand them
>took great pleasure in writing fluid purple prose full of half-baked aphorisms and still do

I was a cringey teen, but I guess we all were.

did you just change without noticing it or was there an active effort and what started it?

just wow

I joined the Army and saw what real violence looks like. Not bullshit, street corner violence, but the true, unadulterated carnage that modern man can unleash.

After that it all seemed so futile. All the posturing, all the rage, the effort to be "cool." I just want to be happy, and I want others to be happy as well. I don't want to contribute to the overall misery of the world, there's enough people hell bent on doing that like I used to be.

It's cliche, but life really is too short to be miserable and angry all the time.

> only listened to dadrock
> considered myself an expert troll, browsed /b/ and ED exclusively
> acted like I had smoked weed and knew all about drugs, even though I had never even touched alcohol

This was me at 13.

I knew that kid who read Wikipedia articles every lunch time and decided he was a communist because of it.

The Army is also where I learned to love reading. My Grandfather gave me a copy of Men at War before I went to Iraq, it was the first book I ever really got into.

In fairness, unless if you were part of the cool dorks in the library, reading in your own time at school can be awful

you become an instant target. the only way you can get away with it is if you read in the library or during a free period in class or somethign when the teacher is supervising

I never went as far left as you, I was a sort of Occupy Wall Street hippy type. I also had a Christopher Hitchens phase which I don't regret but I did make a tit out of myself at times with the fedora tipping. Then I became a generic conservative and now I'm a cold hearted reactionary.

change out some of the video game titles and this was me as well.

r u me????

I don't get it either, I've always been pretty much the exact same. The only change is I used to think my writing was good.

Similar here, especially

>took great pleasure in writing fluid purple prose full of half-baked aphorisms and still do

this describes me well too

I read Nietzsche and played DotA everyday

I was an esoteric Peter Hitchens/Mencius Moldbug reactionary. I spent alot of time in Debate Club and drinking bubble tea with my pals. Comfy times.

this is the kind of thing I wonder about, obviously you're younger if you were reading Moldbug in high school. Did "I am an intellectual" cringe teens start moving away from new atheism/communism as a form of rebellion?

all i did in high school was endlessly masturbate, talk to grils on yahoo instant messanger, and get trolled by my oneitis

i called myself a fascist in hs because the other kids were liberal/leftist
depends where you live but probably yesterday's communist larper kids are now 'alt right'

>nowadays I find Marxism more agreeable and greatly despise Capitalism
What made you change you mind ?

>talk to grils on yahoo instant messanger

This was the ultimate rush, the sexual tension was palpable

its pronounced bosh-wa-si r-right?

burjdhzhwazee

>talk to girls on yahoo messenger

I never got past the

sup
nm
u
same

carousel

Me except I like philosophy and didnt play much games
King Crimson is pretty nice

>tfw raised by disaffected Catholic Trotskiites
Closest I could get to rebellion was working an office job at 15 and even that obviously arises out of material conditions.

No, but I used to sing the Lord of the Rings soundtrack out loud.

I was not very popular.

Nah I was just some loner that liked to read books and play vidya. Never committed to any idea, ideology or religion really. Nothing has changed.

bethesda

I feel you. I was as clueless and insufferable as you can get when I was a kid and later in my teen. Basically a big, loud, and dumb white trash thinking he's hot shit and I got everything bad I got in those years coming.
If anything, Veeky Forums actually taught me more about societal norms and self-awareness (plus I learned English from the years I've spent on this site and books I decided I was able to read) and I know that's saying something.

>books I decided I was able to read
Same here. Only reason I speak english is that I was an edgy kid who pretended to be an intellectual

It's good to know that it's not only an American condition. I used to think reading and writing were "fag shit," until I read Hemmingway and realized that I was, in fact, the one being a faggot.

Now I try to write but I'm so far behind the curve that I hate everything I write. Drawing is the same way as well. I know enough to recognize excellent technique and works of true art, but don't know enough to apply it. I'll keep trying though.

How afaesque

I'm sure 99% of the people on this board were like this in high school. If they say they weren't, they're lying or memeing.

Is it just me or is this person a mixture of Harry Potter, Adolf Hitler and J.P. Balkenende?

Dude, I was a fucking sperg:
>I was angry because my mother's overprotection prevented me from enjoying high school as much as everyone else
>I was angry because differences in personality and interests made my relationship with my father complicated and cold sometimes
>Secretly resented many people for being able to relate to their parents
>I never told my parents anything
>Around this time in high school, started doing fuck-all because I wanted to have fun more than I wanted a high GPA
>"user, you're too smart to have a C in my class. Are you bored?"
>"Heh, nothing personnel, kid."
>Instead of putting in effort to show an underpaid public school teacher that she wasn't wasting her time, I fucked around with drugs and stuff
>Latter half of high school I got into philosophy and literature
>Cringiest thing I did with this was I kept asking people "dood, how is morality even real?!?!?!?"
>Do well in 11th grade English, and perform the best out of anyone I know on the exam
>12th grade English
>Excited
>My friend is recognized for getting a super high score on last year's exam, even though I did better
>"user, didn't you get a higher score than I did?"
>"Haha I can't remember idk"
>Instead of correcting the teacher like a normal human being, I deliberately put in zero effort for 12th grade English as revenge for being overlooked
>"Well, it doesn't matter what I do, I will never be appreciated for anything."
>Just start hating everyone
>Graduate a KHV
>Too resentful and mentally fucked to have ever experienced prom, homecoming, etc.

I was generally an unpleasant person in high school. Despite all of these things, my biggest regret is that I used to tease a really sensitive overweight girl for the enjoyment of others and myself. That was the only truly reprehensible thing I did in high school.

I got my edgy mega-pseud phase over with during middle school, but it was pretty bad.

My dad became an atheist when he was a teenager, and my parents raised me without religion, so I guess you could say I'm an old atheist.

i relate to most of these too. i bullied the subhuman kids and i feel terrible about it.

my god this is beautiful

Instead of obsessing with communism I digged anarchism, all this in middle school. Going through that phase in HS like OP did is embarrassing.

tons of normies are like this late into their 20s, especially in terms of philosophy, books, and social theory