Thinks he's well-read

>he thinks he's well read
>hasn't read my diary dessu
LOL!

For education, not religious purposes. I wasn't really exposed to religion growing up so I don't really know anything about the bible except the very basics, but I realize its so important to western culture and I want to read it to better understand literature and art

I will explain the bible to you, conceptually and what it really means.

God is a group of "people" who "created" everything in an intelligent manner. God refers to himself as "I" and even "We" at some points. God is the father (the creator) the son (his creation) and the holy spirit (his contact).

So according to Christianity, God lives within everyone and is everything, not a person, but it is personified as a person for storytelling purposes, and to help describe intelligent creation. Mankind was created in the image of God, (like a limb or extension) because he wanted to show the world to everybody else and let them explore the good world he'd made. Adam was tasked to explore the world and name everything and experience life, God thought it was better if there was an assistant for Adam so God made Eve out of a part of his body, and they lived together.

God tested them and told them only that the tree of knowledge grew a fruit that would kill them surely. He gave them free will to eat it or not, and they lived in a "perfect" world. A "snake" told Eve that the fruit would surely not kill them, but God was just afraid because anyone who eats the fruit will become more like God, and learn the difference between "good" and "bad." So Adam and Eve ate it together, and they now came up with the idea that being naked was bad so they made clothes. God warned them that they would suffer because of learning good and bad, and all animals would suffer and fight humans, because of the "snake" and now basically this is where the suffering on Earth comes from according to the old testament. God now watches over a sinful world, and he protects those that are obedient and he doesn't protect those otherwise.

The new testament states that Jesus was born of Mary and God, and he was the son of Man and God, and Jesus follows God his whole life without question, and grows up with John, although Jesus travels a lot as a kid with his parents. Jesus around age 30 meets John again to be baptized but John knows Jesus well, and knows that he's never committed a sin, he is the ultimate righteous man. Jesus insists and after being baptized the holy spirit enters Jesus from the sky and flows through him, it lures him to the woods where he meets the "snake" Satan, Jesus is tempted to disobey the written word by Satan but Jesus refuses all the temptations with his only reasoning being "Because, it is written..." then referring to the word of God as a fact all three times.

Jesus then gets a bunch of people to follow him by basically saying follow me, and they instantly follow him, he then exercises a demon, and starts healing people, he teaches his followers lessons about being good people, and tells them to do what others want, as in, if you are robbed, then give the thief even more than they ask from you. That summarized the view he gives them.

I'd probably read Song of Songs in the KJV if I were you. It's some of the best Bible-as-lit.

But someday you will have to read the Bible for more than prose. You will have to read it asking questions like, "Who were these people?" and "were these people in touch with God?"

Maybe the best question to ask when reading the Bible is "what does this all really mean?"

They get mad at Jesus for healing someone on a Sunday so he gets irritated back and asks them if it's better to do good on a Sunday, or to not do good on a Sunday? And they still don't get it, so he tells the man to raise his hand, heals the man, and then leaves. Jesus continues doing this and people plot against him in the background,

It is said that Jesus will come back one day to judge everyone, and even he does not know when, but everyone will know instantly when it happens without question and all at the same time. Jesus emphasizes not to be a hypocrite, and one of his followers tells the police that Jesus is the one performing religious crimes in return for money. Apparently he looks like his followers so they have to be very clear about which one is Jesus to make sure they don't get the wrong one. Jesus tells everyone that his body is broken for them, and that his blood is spilled for them, and he tells them to eat his body and to drink his blood, he tells them that one of the followers snitched to the police, and they all get confused except the snitch. Then Jesus tells them he's going to be arrested and then killed. Jesus tells another follower that he will disown Jesus three times, the follower says no I won't. Then Jesus gets arrested, then the follower pretends to not know Jesus three times. Then Jesus is on trial, says basically nothing, goes to trial again, the trier says "Are you the son of God?" Jesus says "You have said so." Then Jesus is ordered dead by the trier and the angry crowd watching, everyone makes fun of him while he's about to be killed, he refused the pain killer (heavy alcohol) and they nail him to a cross. Then he says "Father, father, why have you forsaken me!?" and the people laughing at him give him some water because they feel bad. Then Jesus yells "Father, I give to you my spirit!" Then he dies, and someone pokes him with a sharp object and blood comes out. Then his followers come back to check on the body and they are sad. After he's burred, two of his female friends go to his tomb to morn and he's not there, then two angels come down and say, why are you looking for the living in the land of the dead? And then Jesus appears to his followers and says "Greetings" and they get spooked, he tells them to do as he did, and to spread his word.

Then the new testament has a lot of additional rules added such as "it is disgusting for a man to have sex with another man, they should both be killed and are both guilty." and some other really weird rules, and then the bible ends saying that Jesus is coming back, may peace be with all of God's people.

This is a useless literal interpretation. Through metaphors and allegories, the Bible will teach you everything you need to know about the natural laws that govern man.

>And then Jesus appears to his followers and says "Greetings" and they get spooked

Here's the actual verse.

>And God forbid you read it like a Protestant atheist: without exegesis and with skepticism in mind. You won't get anything from it but a Rorschach reflecting the ideas you already possess. You have to read it within a tradition (even if that tradition is modern historical criticism) and consider secondary literature.
probably 95% of the Bible can be read and understood without anything beyond a willingness to learn
only a few things were tough to understand without any secondary information, like how God will kill/command the Jews to kill entire groups of people

While less so than my father, I was raised rather Catholic. I was enrolled in Catholic schools. I went to mass five times a week for years, my parents forbode me to eat before morning mass, but I soon circumentvented their rule. I was an altar boy, memorized all the major prayers in Latin (the brother taught Latin classes were genuinely excellent), all kinds of shit, there was a lot of focus on the Bible. I memorized many verses and read it many times.

The Old Testament, perhaps somewhat objectively is far interesting and engaing. God is patently active on a grand stage.
The New Testament, imo has much better imagery, better character devolpememt and a far more optimistic than the old, but is at times rather trite.

The history behind what is considered The Bible I found more interisitng than the book itself.

>How can i get into reading the bible

Start with the New Testament. Most people think of the Bible as long and hard to read because they were children when they last opened one up. You'll be surprised at how quick you'll get through the NT. Start with John's Gospel.

>is there a specific version thats best or will any work?

As far as beauty and cultural relevance goes (if you're in the Anglosphere), the King James.

I like this one because it has no footnotes, chapter headings, etc. Do not get a King James with footnotes. You never know which heresies you'll run into, but run into them you will.

bhpublishinggroup.com/products/kjv-drill-bible-blue-hardcover-3

With regards to accuracy and informative notes, the Orthodox Study Bible

thomasnelson.com/the-orthodox-study-bible

This is more or less the official Bible of the English-speaking Orthodox world. The Old Testament here is translated from the Septuagint, a Greek translation of OT Scriptures from the 3rd century BC. The OT the King James and most other translations draw from dates to about 1000 years later (7th-10th centuries AD). When people in the NT quote the OT, their wording is that used in the Septuagint.

>I wasn't really exposed to religion growing up so I don't really know anything about the bible except the very basics, but I realize its so important to western culture and I want to read it to better understand literature and art

Read John's Gospel in the King James and see where you'd like to go from there.

Forgot to say that you can find those Bibles for a lot cheaper on Amazon.

2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Exodus 22:18: "Do not allow a sorceress to live."

>he thinks he's read the bible
>hasn't read the Dead Sea scrolls

Bullshit dude the Bible is a book of LAW not religion. See

>2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
>2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

nothing wrong with that

>Exodus 22:18: "Do not allow a sorceress to live."

homosexuals, rapists, and adulterers should also be put to death. Atheists have nothing but exasperated incredulity.

Interesting

Thanks, will check it out

Thank you, this is very helpful

>The New Testament
>a far more optimistic than the old

Schopenhauer says it's the other way around.

>making fun of bald (aka high t) men is a sin

cool

I agree, with strict interpretation Jesus sets a nigh impossible standard, yet I feel that abstractly the old testament holds more fire and brim stone.

Luke is the superior Gospel and anyone who disagrees is a huge faggot.

I tried reading Genesis a few days ago and ugh...it just felt I don't know...wrong? Weird I know.

The formatting and writing style is so ugly and simple. I don't understand why they wrote such a shit story.

Really?

The universe created in six days?

Better be a goddamn fucking allegory.

Maybe you need to change your tampon

Simply devise a superior creation myth and see if it endures two centuries.

2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Dusty old bones full of green dust!

And what's wrong with Blake?

Just give up brainlet it's not for you

Reading him without the bible

Oh, in that case yeah that's dumb

>read the bible
>hasn't studied under the worlds best rabbi while analyzing every sentence from the Torah and low key practicing kabbalah for your own use

it's like you choose being a brainlet

I don't read fiction.

>he needs a mentor
NGMI