>PowerPoint and Excel, two windows programs that allowed for the best organization of victim data. He was a meticulous accountant in the affairs of his rape victims. Age, teens. Weight, approx. Hair, breast size, nipple size, elasticity, etc. There was one specific list, a list of youngins who had just began but not yet completely cooked into full motherhood. These children were collected and watched peripherally, being like the hovering ghost of a great uncle, a pervert to flatter your prepubescent adulterations. Beth, for example, a tiny frame complimented by curves that, through a short ripple of time, would make appropriate a mother of five before age twenty. Buying gifts, a free greeting from time to time, shifting through her spheres of privacy before busting in, blood and a broken hymen.
Hows my prose?
Jackson Stewart
"Windows" is a name, you should capitalize it.
Christian Gutierrez
Little girls are so cute! Lovely!
Jaxon Brown
Replace the comma in the first sentence with a colon. Don't use "youngins." It is "had just begun," not "had just began." The "being" in the seventh sentence has no clear antecedent.
Your prose is a little creepy. You write like you can't decide whether you want to sarcastically deride this man or admire him.
Benjamin Bailey
thank you my friend actually used some of your corrections
Charles Myers
No, thank you. I come here because it's the only place where people actually appreciate my pedantry.
Christian Butler
keep it up soldier
Michael Nguyen
>only came to salute >thank you
Cooper Sanchez
I'd remove the word "rape" because it's too expository and better to figure out from the text
Hunter Powell
Don't greentext a whole fucking paragraph, kinda defeats the purpoise
Cameron Smith
can you stop bein so fuckin disgusting?
Matthew Clark
why are young girls so ugly, then teen girls so good, then adult girls so ugly again?
Aaron Bennett
Agree. I think just /victims/ suffices I was also thinking prey but... can prey refer to more than one?
Julian Collins
How about >those he preyed upon ?
Isaiah Williams
Thanks for the jerk-off material
Jordan Cook
did this bitch get a brazilian
Jacob Parker
Not even that. >PowerPoint and Excel, two windows programs that allowed for the best organization of victim data. He was a meticulous accountant in the affairs of his victims. Age, teens. Weight, approx. Hair, breast size, nipple size, elasticity, etc. Let the reader figure it out, it's not difficult to.
Aiden Perry
>you are living in a period when pre-teen girls are allowed to dress like this
What the fuck is wrong with this world
Benjamin Anderson
...
Lincoln Brooks
>PowerPoint for data management
Justin White
maybe he wants to see slideshows of his rapes like in red dragon
Jacob Myers
must be a hard life for a pedo like you
Zachary Gomez
why is no one helping that woman with her bags
Alexander Hill
because chivalry is dead
Jonathan Taylor
>Ladies, Chivalry's not dead, it's on the couch where you made it sleep. To quote a rapper.
Henry Perez
>stupid quote >quoting a rapper
Adam Peterson
Not really, it holds a lot of truth. The constantly contradicting forces of the push of "equality" and the retaining or burying of many unequal aspects.
In this quote there is an equalisation in removing chivalry, yet the woman still holds an inequality in the power to relegate their partner to the couch - which speaks other contradictions in wider society too. Also, in that it's not men that are disinclined towards chivalry, many people are quite chivalrous due to how they were raised (putting women on a pedestal, making a clear distinction in approach and treatment of differing sex/gender). But they are barred from exercising this chivalry, in an unequal manner (the power to relegate the man to the couch). In addition to extra contradictions in the concept of chivalry being simultaneously desired and derided by women.
Owen Powell
Brainlet /pol/ migration is ruining this board
Noah Morgan
Man... this may say something, but I take issue with storing this information in a spreadsheet. You want a database. Then you could have proper lookup tables and avoid data entry errors. Also more easily manages the separate groups of post attack "victims" and the potential "victims" which can't have nearly as much data.
Spreadsheets are basically the worst.
Ian Rivera
This. I laughed my ass off.
Robert Sullivan
Better than PowerPoint though
Sebastian Powell
I think he should use powerpoint solely and not excel because that makes it weirder.
Ethan Miller
You should have a scene with this guy giving a PowerPoint presentation on the rapes he's committed to his empty living room.
