r8 please
Of all that is obscure yet bright,
I beseech thee O muse do crown
This man, alleviate the plight,
As when in Olympus they frown
On man in full serenity,
Of life burnt in sterility
r8 please
Of all that is obscure yet bright,
I beseech thee O muse do crown
This man, alleviate the plight,
As when in Olympus they frown
On man in full serenity,
Of life burnt in sterility
it sucks ass lmao
rate mine:
microphone check
one
two
what is this
It ain't the 18th century any more, bub
I know, it's practice, is it any good tho
bump
kind of
It helps to read poetry before writing it
>serenity
>sterility
rhymes like this are bad. suffix based rhymes are weak
>O
meter filler shouldn't be this obvious. replace it with 'the' and be less obnoxious
also, this doesn't real tell us anything
Embarrassing. It's the opening of the Odyssey.
Homer would have given his right eye to write like you.
The opening of the odyssey is (1) in greek, (2) not a good poem by itself. If it was, then it wouldn't have to be so long. What shitty-ass translation would be in tetrameter?
>reading Homer in rhyming translation
wew lad
If you have to ask, you're not a poet
The five foot assassin with the ruffneck business
I float like gravity, never had a cavity
Got more rhymes than the Winans got family
I agree, but this is not poetry, this is practice; I don't plan on doing poetry in English. It's not my mother tongue
It's not, I did it myself. Its a reference tho.
Your remarks are stupid. The O is absolutely not a filler. Also it does say something.
thx :)
bump
>rhyming translation
>Not knowing the phrase for that
I didn't expect you to know about poetry
what is the phrase for that?
>my remarks are stupid
learn to accept criticism,
I can recognize invalid ones. Saying the O is a filler is plain dumb
learn to accept criticism of your criticism,
your criticism is badly uninformed
what does your 'O' do that 'thee doesn't?
rythm, reference to Homer, establishing the relation to the muse as one of deference, a bunch of things
>rhthym
i agreed to that, but now i'm trying to scan it again, and there are some weird choices.
>reference to Homer
no, muse might be, but 'O' isn't
>establishing the relation to the muse as one of deference
so does 'beseech' and the fact you're literally addressing a muse
regardless, it wasn't my only critique (the suffix rhyme is a worse offender)
Here is more, pls r8
Of all that is obscure yet bright,
I beseech thee O muse do crown
This man, alleviate the plight,
As atop Olympus they frown
On man in great serenity,
Of life burnt in sterility.
For thy palms hold its remedy,
And as you wish, frightful goddess,
Does man see of old Arcady
The shore, to dwell in hapiness
Renewed, and thy pink lips the loot
for which we live, as trees bear fruit.
'Cause it is renewal we seek,
For memory of bliss and song,
sweet remembrance of times antique,
Remain. How verily I long
for thee! Muse O muse! I implore,
See that my eyes see this once more!
typo -- it's : remains.
I post this quickly because this thread is getting 404d but it needs work, more specifically I want to develop the last verse of the second stanza
boring
pretentious
devoid of meaning
middle-school tier rhymes
3/10
Stop trying to write like a classical poet.
that's just mean
im the op. why is everybody here so stupid? I'm not saying my stuff is necessarily good but all i'm getting is dickeads like this who can't read nor formulate any sensible critique. pretty disappointing
Why are you trying to write epic poetry? why would someone bother to read it when they could just go read the actual classics?
Find your own voice instead of trying to imitate the work of a different era.
Dawg, imitating classics is a huge, huge step in getting your own voice. And if you're worried about readership in practice pieces, you're gonna be really constricted in what you can learn.
>t. one of the people he called a stupid dickead
Im sorry m8. give some feedback pls
Practice