I live a normal life. Girlfriend. Work. Friends. Family. Apartment. All that jazz. I hide it everday, for years on end. I just want to buy some sleeping pills, a cpap mask and a helium tank and leave this place.
I’ve read and read but I cant find the answers in the books. Tried antidepressants. Tried meditation. How do I tame this deathwish?
Also people say exercise is good. I wouldn't know, I'm naturally happy.
Brody Watson
let us know when u find out
Brandon Mitchell
Psychotherapy
Gabriel Morgan
This. If it is serious see a doctor. Good luck.
Eli Ramirez
Let me know if you find out, thanks.
Noah Foster
if you have a girlfriend and an apartment and still want to kill yourself, than, please, fucking kill yourself
Andrew Gomez
Hey there, user. Unironically, ingest psilocybe mushrooms in sufficient amounts, after an extensive preparation.
I'm not even memeing - psilocybe mushrooms have been found extensively more effective at treating depression than any other form of treatment, including therapy. (see "Psilocybin for treatment-resistant depression: fMRI-measured brain mechanisms")
I would advise you to inform yourself on this topic, and read up on how to have a psychedelic experience safely. Don't take any shortcuts, know what you're doing, be in a comfortable setting with a person you trust, and it will work.
Trying to describe how and why that works is beyond me, especially since it's so different for every individual - but the gist of it is you'll literally feel as a new man, you'll be infinitely more apprecieative of even the most trivial things (the morning after my first experience, I saw a ladybug crawling at my feet - it nearly moved to tears).
Saved my ass for sure, and I had already made an attempt.
There is nothing you can take, or books that you can read. Go out and face death.
Zachary Foster
Clean your room. Exercise. Anti-depression pills. Vitamin-D and generally more nutritious diet. Sex and cuddling. Talking to someone about nothing.
Oliver Morgan
So far: - Psychotherapy - Exercise - Kill yourself - Magic Mushrooms - Hegesias - Face death
Aiden Rivera
Accept it as a normal feeling. What you resist shall persist. It is like people who live with blindness only not so bad. Having a gf and an apartment does not equal happiness, even diogenes knew that.
Wyatt Hill
Like think no more of your thoughts than you do the clouds passing over the sky, they are just phenomena.
Easton Fisher
>Tried meditation. You do not try meditation. you either ''meditate'' or you do not . If you do not feel joy, then you do not do things right
>Meditating everyday for 3 months now. Last month is two 50 minutes sessions of sitting meditation + some walking meditation. Currently doing Stage 5/6 practices according to "The Mind Illuminated" by Culadasa. Two weeks ago failed horribly at entering the first Jhana but nevertheless getting my body flooded with immense happiness and joy gave me a lot confidence that this path is the correct one. >Reading about Buddhism for 10 years and finding the correct way to grasp early teachings but failing at starting meditation left me frustrated. Afted confirming that Culadasa is legit I bought his book and started serious meditaton practice vowing to reach deep meditative states and at least first stage of Enlightenment - Sotapanna.
Justin Foster
>Thinking there are answers in books.
Oliver Nelson
>How do I tame this deathwish? be careful what you wish for, you may get it
I'll 2nd the magic mushroom suggestion
Jaxson Sullivan
You realize that the interpretation of your perception that has led you to developing this depression is transmutable and not in anyway authoritative; that neither you nor any author you've read nor any idea you've encountered has created an exhaustive interpretation of value, meaning, or the purpose of life; and that the only thing which is making you depressed is your own incapability to live up to unrealistic expectations which you've established with absolutely no regard to reality; and then, you move on past it.
Conversely, seek medical help from a licensed professional, such as a clinical psychologist with a Ph.D or a licensed, practicing psychiatrist.
Angel Roberts
Thank you all. Very insightful replies.
James Jackson
Have you tried not being a godforsaken nihilist materialist sinner and instead accepting Jesus Christ as the Son of God?
Easton Hall
No I havent. But if it will cure my suicidal depression I’ll try it.
Cooper White
Contemplate god Contemplate the teleological nature of reality Contemplate the true self and its actualisation
and(/or, if you're too much of a brainlet)
exercise eat healthy food
Julian Rivera
It actually will. It worked for me.
Ian Cook
What is a life worth living? Find out the answer, and go for it. I'd like to ask you a few questions though. >Do you have apparent ideals, or targets of your fanaticism? [Aside from the death wish] >You seem to be competing with suicidal feelings; why? Do not be afraid of the answers. >Are you politically inclined? Utopian?
Jordan Richardson
Not op here but do you know the risks of taking shrooms when predisposed to schizophrenia? my sister has it but nobody else in my family has it, they dont have any kinds of mental illness general actually (as far as i am aware atleast)
I have always wanted to try being a psychonaut but to scared
Jaxon Myers
Psychedelics can at least temporarily trigger depersonalization/derealization in predisposed people also it is not a cure for depression. It can provide cathartic insight but that will only be temporary as well.
Aiden Martinez
>It can provide cathartic insight but that will only be temporary as well. It will permanently alter the personality, so how come the insight is merely temporal?
Aiden Green
I have not known it to permanently affect anything. Maybe you are talking about a subjective appraisal.
Gavin Scott
Shrooms are known to be triggers for latent schizophrenia, same as most if not all psychedelics. Don't do it, and don't regret not doing it because it would be an idiotic risk.
John Hill
No, I'm talking about the permanent effects of psychedelic mushrooms, namely the substance known as psilocybin (transforms into psilocin).
Fear? The man is afraid of his own life by his own hand. Do not make him afraid of the truth. Know the risks, take them.
Carter Howard
even godwarrior peterson memeson has used them and reluctantly accepts they are beneficial though I'm sure he'd never want any more than a trickle of people waking up or else he'd be out of a job
also >Tried meditation. how do you even fail at this? could you not sit still for 20 minutes? could you not do that once a day for a month? You must be completely unaware of what you are looking for when you sit, so take a psychedelic that way when you come back to meditation you can at least know what the point is
Connor Turner
Idk i have taken mushrooms countless times and the effects are temporary except for latent visual distortions which are not that helpful but also not unpleasant
Joseph Cooper
where can i buy mushroom ?
Anthony Fisher
People at risk of schizophrenia should not take psychedelics. It's the difference between playing Russian Roulette with an empty six shooter and one with five rounds in.
Logan Reed
Depends on where you live.
Dylan Evans
> than, please
Logan Davis
France
Xavier Brooks
Kicking the chair might work.
Liam Morris
Music festivals where they play electronic music is a good place to try. Also you can find cubensis mushrooms in the wild. Or simply grow them yourself.
Connor Flores
I have some magic sauce that cures all ailments, but you gotta come take it in my bedroom
Jayden Allen
I'm in the same situation really, although I don't own an apartment, have no girlfriend, or friends, and don't talk to my family. It is perhaps more frustrating for me to identify myself as being depressed considering the conspicuous lack of otherwise fulfilling things in my life (love, companionship, financial wealth etc) that OP has, but still I have felt for quite some time now that I'm simply "putting off" my suicide. I have a theory (probably articulated elsewhere already) that if the conscious brain presents an "End" or ambition to the unconscious brain, the latter works behind-the-scenes so to speak towards it in a way that gradually reduces conscious feelings of frustration, futility etc. An example may be a film director failing to think of an ending to a movie, then waking up having dreamt of what the ending should be. In my case, I feel as though I have presented suicide as an "end" some time ago and that since then the ideological blockades preventing me from travelling down that path. A year or so ago I felt very bad about harming my mother for example, but now that instinctive guilt has all but gone. Other things like a fear of death have been replaced by a genuine feeling of relief whenever I consider the prospect of dying. I think to reverse this process would require a complete overhaul of my ideological perspective, and also intervention perhaps by someone I can get to know on an intimate level. Occasionally, rather embarrassingly I suppose, I become extremely energetic and "invested" in things like nationalism, the "defence of europe", or more practically in the idea of learning new marketable skills and pursuing the masculine ideal represented by working long hours in a nice suit to earn good money and attract a high-quality wife to have handsome children with and guide them in a way that will make them happy and socio-economically successful etc. But these things never last and I always return to this longing to just be done with it all.
Tyler Watson
the only absolute cure to suicidal depression is suicide
David Jackson
Suicide is the cure for everything tbf
Hudson Russell
I smoke crack until my ears bleed
Bentley Ramirez
how would having depression increase your risk of developing sczichophrenia? they're completely different mental disorders
Landon Carter
Depression can be a symptom of schizophrenia
Leo Barnes
Like your theory on suicide as a fixed ending which is prolonged by the fact that you get there, complete something in order to check out. Just like three act movie structure.
Like someone suggested earlier. Why is your deathwish there lingering? Ever found the root?
Ethan Flores
>I think to reverse this process would require a complete overhaul of my ideological perspective take LSD
Logan Wood
This. Try finding a therapist that you get along with (don't settle for one you don't feel comfortable with after 5 sessions). If cognitive behaviour therapy isn't up your alley, try psychodynamic therapy (no, it's not the Freud stuff about wanting to fuck your mother these days). PDT usually takes a little longer to be effective, at least 20 sessions are usually recommended.
Medication can be effective together with therapy, and it's not certain that you got the meds that were right for you the first time around.
Also, try picking up cardio exercise if you're able to. The best thing is running for 30 mins per session, 3 days a week but if you're unable to get in that much due to feeling like shit, do as much as you can. If you can't run, try walking. The key thing here is something called BDNF, which is thought to be linked to depression. It usually takes about three months to get an effect, but if you stay consistent this could have an impact on your situation. Read up on BDNF if you're interested, it's some pretty cool shit.
Good luck OP, I believe in you. There is a way out of this, and you won't be feeling like this forever. Keep asking for help if you feel lost.
Alexander Russell
Thank you user! God bless. -OP
Carson Nelson
>Why is your deathwish there lingering? Ever found the root?
I frankly don't believe that extensive self-analysis of my mental situation will yield any answers to that. I'll probably just be tempted into applying Freud's Deathwish theory or perhaps several accurate-seeming theories and end up even more fucked up. I think it's basically a mixture of environmental experiences along with perhaps a disposition which makes me "more sensitive" (neither good nor bad, though probably moreso the latter) than is conducive to maintaining a consistently world-affirming ideology or whatever. I trust in my instincts a great deal and without attention-whoring even more I feel the greater store of my Will, or whatever, guiding me towards the exit at the moment. It feels very much like the mental equivalent to being physically trapped someplace with death being one of the very few remaining means of escape.
Aaron Lewis
>How does one cure suicidal depression? suicide
Aiden Sanders
Forgot to mention that there are other kinds of therapy too, main point about therapy is to try som stuff out until you find what you're comfortable with. I have a couple of friends (studying to be a psychologist, we have to do therapy as a part of the program) who can vouch for Action Commitment Therapy, aswell as Compassion Focused Therapy.
Nolan Ramirez
Ok I see. You remain almost certain, I feel, that suicide is going to be your ticket out of here. Feel like giving it one last shot before checking out? Seeing yourself ever reach the age of say 75?
Lucas Turner
LSD
Logan Bennett
I appreciate the curiosity and I don't mean to be rude, but I think words don't really mean much here. Words rarely lead to action, and I'd hate to waste your time.
Josiah Price
I didn't say it did. I was referring to >taking shrooms when predisposed to schizophrenia? my sister has it I don't know if he's depressed or not but he's predisposed to schizophrenia and should absolutely not take psychedelics.
Jayden Jones
Trust me. You are not wasting my time.
Camden Bailey
Don't argue with the other guy. He's baiting or a retard.
Sebastian Scott
By ethnically cleansing until a pure nation state arises
Adrian Adams
what the fuck are you doing dude
Zachary Lee
this, same thing happened for me.
John Roberts
if you're serious about killing yourself, then i'd seriously consider looking into a small dose of mushrooms (psilocybin - there are different strengths to choose from as well as the amount you choose to ingest) if nothing else is working. really not sure how legal or illegal these are these days, despite being used by humans for millennia, so you obviously have to study the law as it pertains to you. READ a tonne of stuff first though. i believe there have been interesting early stage studies with positive results. i tried them once ages ago completely legally and cheaply (not for depression) and the experience was positive and has stayed with me.
Ryder Brooks
>needing drugs to make you not want to die
sad
Nathan Richardson
Most people don’t want to die, it’s just that they don’t want to live their lif. Take a vacation
Ryan Ross
>this disgusting normie life >'feeling so good' ????
Christopher Bailey
Yeah, honestly cognitive therapy has cured my own depression and has helped me deal with my anxiety. Particularly Mindfulness Based Therapy. But I've also looked into Action Commitment Therapy and Biofeedback.
John Allen
>only thing which is making you depressed is your own incapability to live up to unrealistic expectations which you've established with absolutely no regard to reality; B-but i dont want much. A gf a job and one or two real friends. Is it really too much to ask?
Isaac Reed
There is a high chance it can work. The whole corpus of religion has been perfected through thousand of years to alleviate deep existential anxiety. Even the music taps in just the right spots
Nathaniel Watson
They are happy though
David Johnson
>no Jesus
Jaxson Lewis
Atheists can be happy you know > t.agnostic/atheist
Ian Clark
They can be materially content, but they won't comprehend real happiness or purpose until they accept the Lord. >t. no longer angsty teen
David Harris
Meh I just accept there may be nothing after death, I won’t fear it cause I won’t feel it You can believe in god and I’m not going to fight against you on it but I’m just going to make the most of life now
Dylan Cook
Maybe you just want to transcend. You can achieve this in this world too
Owen Rivera
>I live a normal life. Girlfriend. Work. Friends. Family. Apartment.
then what the fuck are you complaining about? a coworker of mine has been on his own since 15, moved to a new state, worked and lived on his own, some days barely having anything to eat. get a fucking grip already
Jeremiah Roberts
it is probably those things that are making him depressed, normie life is not very fulfilling
Xavier Reed
Face life
William Johnson
>Then what the fuck are you complaining about?
worst thing you can say to a depressed man is that he is a special snowflake with no real reason to be depressed, this will only make him guilty of his own depression and will make him feel worse
Hudson Edwards
Second this - I have taken mushrooms a few times and regret it - caused me a lot of trouble with my memory
Tyler Gomez
Hmm if only there was some kind of professional that dealt with mental illness...
James Cooper
why do you retarded fucks come to the Veeky Forums board when you're clearly illiterate? He said he tried antidepressants. Do you think he just walked into Wal-mart and bought some? He's obviously already gone to a therapist and been prescribed medication and it didn't work.
Robert Lee
This is a legitimate path if you are out of ideas and want to focus on introspective thought.
Aaron Lopez
It's an incredible risk and not worth it if you're predisposed to schizophrenia
Eli Ortiz
just out of interest, what drugs have you tried?
Adrian Perez
relax you bitter piece of shit
Gavin White
Once you visit the abyss of depression, all of the things in that picture don't mean anything to you anymore.
Nolan Brown
you know there is something called psychiatrist who is not guaranteed to be a therapist, right?
Nolan Phillips
Steppenwolf really helped me I didn't finish the book though
Grayson Williams
Then you’re feeling shitty over nothing Write down your problems and realize what a little bitch you’re being
Camden Howard
U need vitamin D, sunlight and exercise. Also you need to kill an Arab
Gabriel Kelly
newflash fucktard, antidepressants aren't going to cure the root cause.
Lucas Martin
...
Liam Kelly
There is too much normalfaggotry in this thread. I shouldnt really expect much from a website filled with college kiddos but oh well. Seeing as OP is a normalfag himself who is starting to realize how monotonous and repetitive life is, I say maybe this state of depression might be some sort of enlightenment to him.
Oliver Jenkins
At least your capable of living a normal life, man. Fuck. I just rot in my room all day and the latest dawning realization that's hit me is that that's all I've been doing my entire life.
Cooper Johnson
*you're particularly bad mood today
Dominic Myers
how the fuck is this related to Veeky Forums you fucking degenerate. take this shit to r9k. where are the mods?
Aiden Wood
1. there are numerous kinds of antidepressants which work using a number of different mechanisms, it's not a one size fits all 2. psychotherapy =/= antidepressants (jesus christ) 3. be a lot more humble about shit you obviously know absolutely nothing about
this is probably the dumbest post I've seen in a month, go sit in the corner