People at work start talking about books

>People at work start talking about books

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>"Stephen King is a really good writer!"

>people on Veeky Forums start talking about books

>omg user you like books have you read Harry Potter!?

>co-workers start talking

>co-workers

>tfw fired because I told my manager that I couldn't take her seriously because she believes in horoscopes

>work

Good for you, user. Fuck that bitch, she'll probably run her division into the ground within a few years.

t. smooth-brain who can't verbally mock people without them realizing it

>I see you've been reading on lunch user, here check out this new Disney book. Its all about what if Aladdin never found the genie! Lol its pretty interesting.

ugh I had someone suggest I read "Android Karenina" because it would probably be better than the original boring version

How do you get into this new genre of getting payed to piss on classics. I could make a decent amount selling Moby Dick in space

Topkek, this tho. Usually you would be the faggot, but op clearly has three dicks riding him on his high horse

People are fascinated when I talk books or politics actually. The whole lunch room shuts down their lesser conversations and gathers around me

>Android Karenina

I'm sometimes astounded about the effect that even a little introspection and considered thought can have on people. I don't consider myself the smartest person in the world but apparently being even mildly reflective is a big deal these days.

Minor, GTFO! EXPOSED yourself

>Android Karenina

> oh look the new hire is talking angrily about pin-chin and US government terrorism again, I'm glad HR hired us live entertainment after they cancelled our newspaper subscriptions

>not making it about a huge albino penis

>work at bookstore.
>coworkers start talking about what they are reading.
>it’s always pop fiction/ young adult lit.

>...in space

> go to publisher and say that you want to capitalize on the classics parody genre and give them a market case and show you've done your research and that you have an online presence of 20-something year old bugmen and bugwomen
> pick a public domain classic (Moby Dick)
> pay some daily deviation-tier deviantart user $250 for a high quality meme edit of a classic painting usually paired with copies of Moby Dick (public domain paintings/photos)
> Download Moby-Dick from project gutenberg
> spend a week or two formatting it to the page specifications etc. the publisher wants (this is largely and usually done by copy editors tho)
> now do a Ctrl-F "whale" and replace with "majestic cunt"
> Ctrl-F "Queequeg" -> "Queer-pegger"
> Ctrl-F "Ishmael" -> "Android model 1SH-M41L"
> Ctrl-F "apotheosis" -> "semen"

actually nevermind nobody actually reads moby dick so you can literally just keep it the same and people will read it and think it's a really gay sexual parody of the original

jokes on you bruh you just read moby DICK no homo hahahaha

> "Android model 1SH-M41L

My mom reads a ton (she was a journalism major back in the 80's) but she reads entertaining, fiction, books. Kinda dumb, but I like her :-)

I work as a sales rep for a company that sells out of a big box retail chain. I have a certain amount of stores in my territory that I visit where I train employees, ensure inventory levels on my product are correct, etc. As a result, I work with a lot of people who are not educated in the humanities and are thus impressed by my general literary knowledge. I enjoy lording this over them and have accepted that they probably find me condescending- a small price to pay for a fleeting sense of superiority over these wretched philistines. Most of them are quite nice people, though, and I get along with them well.

There was one female associate who mentioned she enjoyed reading. Being an arrogant ass, I scoffed and asked if she enjoyed Harry Potter or Hunger Games. She responded that those were shit and her favorites are the Bronte sisters, Nabokov, and Virginia Woolf. I felt thoroughly chastised and realized that she was probably better read than I was. We became friends.

And then something more. She was married and not my type at all physically. Everything about her- from the clothes she wore to how she styled her hair- screamed that she was desperate for attention. I dated a loathsome girl like this once and had been permanently thrown off her ilk. Whereas my ex had zero substance, however, this one had a depth I've rarely encountered in anyone.

On my visits, we would spend much of our time talking film, literature, politics, and making fun of the other store employees. We united in the belief that neither of us belonged where we were. We both soon made a tacit discovery, however, that there existed a deep vulnerability behind our mutual facade. And we embraced it in each other. We begun to steal smiles and fond glances from each other between our moments of sublime banter. She would never mention her husband to me and didn't introduce us on the multiple occasions he visited her at work. I used to anticipate the days I would be there to share in this strange unspoken bond.

She suddenly quit and I was glad for her as retail is a hell that nobody with sentience is meant for. I took her out to and extra long lunch on her last day and we decided to have a couple drinks together. We laughed the entire time. As I parked the car to go back into work, I felt the intrusion of a tense moment. I could tell that she felt it too. In the passenger seat of my car she suddenly looked very beautiful. I was always ambivalent about her looks- she had a pretty face but her sense of style was so horrendous as to render her comical- but she had fragile, expressive eyes and skin like porcelain. The tacit nature of our connection necessarily made certain things uncertain, but I could recognize that she wanted to confirm what we both knew to be true. I said nothing, deciding it would be better to leave this thing unsaid or acted upon.

We both went back into work slightly drunk and continued to the end of the day.

We shared an embrace before I left and I knew that she was giving me one final chance to do something. I didn't and walked out to my car for what seemed like a long while. Nothing ever happened, but I still feel like I lost something good.

fair effort, it bears repeating but it can never be really great pasta because I never really believe that you are what you say that you are. You sound like your true kid-self again in paragraph two and then the story dithers. This is simply because you're not old enough yet to project yourself into older life-stages. A great advantage that the old have over the young is that the old can actually imagine, with the benefit of experience, what being young and going through definite younger life stages is actually like. younger people can't do that about older states.

Strong first paragraph though.

>gf starts talking about her favorite book lookhouse by female virginia wolf

>skin like porcelain

Add this to your list of phrases you are never allowed to write again.

In the passenger seat of my car she suddenly looked very beautiful. I was always ambivalent about her looks- she had a pretty face but her sense of style was so horrendous as to render her comical- but she had fragile, expressive eyes and soft skin.The tacit nature of our connection necessarily made certain things uncertain, but I could recognize that she wanted to confirm what we both knew to be true. Unsure of myself but wishing to prolong the moment I pulled out my copy of David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest and abashedly asked her if she had read it. She said of course she had, and we began flipping though the pages pointing out our favourite passages to each other. But in our mutual excitement our hands lighted on the same line, and at that moment the book fell from my lap onto the floor. Before I knew what was happening we were locked in an embrace and fighting awkwardly between the arm rest and the gear shift to remove our clothing. She climbed on top of me and guided me inside her, and we began to make cramped but passionate love.

Suddenly she pulled herself away, a visible expression of shock on her face. I was beginning to worry that I had made a mistake, had somehow been too forceful, when she told me she had forgotten that her husband was coming to visit that day and would be at the store looking for her any minute now. She dismounted and we hurriedly began to dress; she had just clipped her bra on when we heard a knock on the window. There he was, her husband, his face flush with rage. He opened the car door and yanked me out, my unbuckled pants falling to my ankles and swung a punch. I narrowly ducked his attack and reached back into the still-open car for my copy of Infinite Jest. Before he could swing again I slammed the book into his stomach full force, then across his jaw, dropping him to the pavement. I did up my pants and turned one last time to the woman I had grown so fond of, and handed her the book which was now stained with her husband's blood. "Don't forget what we had- you're better than all of this" I told her, then walked over to my car and drove away. The next day I quit my job, and with a less demanding career I'm doing more writing these days. I still think of her though, and I hope one day to meet her again under better circumstances.

fixed

Sorry, your prose is better by far, but I am tired of seeing anticlimactic almost-gets around here. Had to give our deserving protagonist a taste of success.

Maybe he wanted to say she looked like a toilet

>man commits suicide
>within 24 hours there are memes of his suicide

I don't like this world

You're next Ben

>work

(wheezing)

I'm not in the loop. Who are we talking about?

bbc.com/news/world-europe-42177772

It's a doggy dog world

> war criminal about to be convicted due to their crimes against humanity kills himself
> one user goes "boohoo i dont like mean memes ;_;"

I mean, Ready Player One is a book written for this kind of person and I suppose if he doesn't know any better I can't blame him

Shame he only started reading at 20 though

You don't have to be a book reader to acknowledge the book is written awfully.

it's a part of life

>war criminal commits suicide
>please don't make fun this is serious

>user commits suicide
>please don't make fun this is serious

hahaha, this but unironically. i got homo no homo for the early scenes with queequeg cuddling ishy. this book singlehandedly cured my racism.

>guided me inside her
horrendous

If youre gonna mock people do it directly you spineless half-man

>boss starts gushing about this amazing book written by a blind man
>life changing and amazingly written, she says
>I like Borges so I ask what the book is
>it's some popsci self help trash

People who see every Marvel film, who abstain from reading will praise it because "nerd culture lelele may the force be with you! XD"

tfw people believe I'm smart because I remember random facts found on the internet/read in some book and stfu when I don't know something.
tfw people value my political insight simply because I elaborate my opinions and not just blindly follow the general consensus
tfw I realized people are retards

never happened

>they have better taste than me
Feels bad

>caring about politics

brainlet indeed