Sits down next to you at a bar

I'd ask him how his chat with Norm Macdonald was

David K Joyce

have you tried looking at the filename you goddamn doofus

I laughed a lot and I've never read a pynch book so that's got to be worth something

DFW's good twin, Mastom Pynchie.

Bill McCarchon

gross pic this is a blueboard im trying to keep my nofap going

>Sits down next to you at a bar
>Waves his hand to the female bartender
>Orders a cold, chilled, cool glass of water
>adjusts his bandana to catch the borderline alarming amount of sweat just streaming down his forehead
>Receives water
>"Thanks audience pussy"
>Uses an old worn copy of "Lost in the Funhouse" as an coaster
>Stares calculably off into the convergence of intersecting lines, deep within the worn veneer of the wall panelling
>Takes a sip of water and looks at you
>"Did you know that harelipped pot dealers and Depend Adult Undergarments ® are the only two things worth writing about?"

The problems with such memes as this, is that it requires actual knowledge of the writer and their work as well as wit in order to use that knowledge and turn out comedic content, and as we all know Veeky Forums is full of badly read retards.

What kind of ultrapleb doesnt recognize Gregory Berrycone?

>sits down next to you at the bar
>looks at the bartender ancient and forlorn the prophet of some tribal race of early hominids
>orders bootleg whiskey
>spits tobacco into a spitoon and takes his broadbrim hat off
>"thanks old timer"
>uses a copy of "Warlock" as a coaster
>stares like a madman at the interweaved cornsilk panels of wood all splintered and mouldy
>spits on the ground and looks at you
>"there are but two things worth writing in this world and that being enmity and landscape both and not either one better than the other"

>sits down next to you at the agora
>ordered a glass of hemlock
>he isn't even wearing sandals
>receives hemlock
>uses a copy of aesops fables as a coaster
>stares cross eyed into the sky
>takes a sip of hemlock
>"did you know that weaving and captaining a ship are the only two analogies worth using?"
what do you do?

Weep for his impending doom

It's pretty clearly Shakespeare mate. Get it together.

I love it

The milk man. He works for the Boeing.

kek

>Sits down next to you at a bar
>Orders a Fanta
>Strokes his neckbeard
>Receives Fanta
>"Thanks child"
>Uses an old stainy copy of "Out of Africa" as a coaster, disdainfully
>Stares cross-eyed into the distance
>Takes a sip of Fanta and looks at you
>"Did you know that the oppression caused by colonial leaders and the oppression caused by post-colonial leaders are the only two things worth writing about?

>sits down next to you at a bar
>orders CRASH
>slips his shoes off
>receives pancakes
>tips fedora to the waitress
>uses an old worn copy of the Bible as a coaster
>stares cross-eyed into the distance
>takes a bite and looks at you
>'There are two things worth writing about, three if you count God'
What would you do?

>audience pussy

Much praise
>ancient and forlorn the prophet of some tribal race of early hominids
> that being enmity and landscape both and not either one better than the other
highlights

Jefferson Pinecone

Idris Elba

"Hey Pynch, who are Them and how we defeat them?"

>Yeah, can't wait to do Socrates!
>"orders a glass of hemlock" Oh, that'll be perfect!
>see this post
°___________°

Hey kiddos, peep this! as it's surely gonna make ya wanna re-read.

There is no actual human man named Thomas Pynchon. Not in a he don't exist sorta way; moreso he's merely another phase is that ol' Rosicrucian plight of eternal life. Francis Bacon was fiercely before his time.
Shakespeare, Joyce, Pynchon, all deliver peculiar gematria.

Bacon never wanted it out. He hid it in text published under fiction, coding hidden meaning to those who truly know. He can be found if you know the spell-casting language.

This thread stinks of red&it

It's Fred Gonch

>777
>Gematria
>A Kabbalistic method of interpreting the Hebrew scriptures by computing the numerical value of words, based on those of their constituent letters.

At last I truly see

I'd unironically punch him in the face.

We all know there's no such thing as a "Thomas Pynchon." That's just a pen name.

It's actually pic related

...

Red thread is dead.

easily the best one in this thread

>Sits down next to you at a bar
>Orders a Shirley Temple
>Cautiously rearranges his thrift-store Burberry scarf, smooths the creases out of his tattered corduroy pants
>Receives drink with a spinning pinwheel sticking out
>Doesn't thank the bartender
>Uses a heavily-annotated copy of An American Tragedy as a coaster
>Awkwardly flattens the curls of his hair that his mommy just cut for him
>Takes a sip of the drink and complains it's not sweet enough
>"Did you know that literature has a contract system wherein if I do not comprehend a scintilla of information in one particular passage and am too indolent to do a modicum of research the entirety of the text should be rendered jetsam?"

bravo

New Atlantis was a mistake, Bacon is better served in Atlantic City

>There is no actual human man named Thomas Pynchon.
I'll call it quits when I can't tell imitation Pynchons drunkposting on a micronation-expatriate frog dissection forum from the original article.

Holy moley look at those babes!

>seated, contra bonos mores, coram vobis, coram Deo, Gaddis reclines, tilt to the failing light burrowed ἐσόπτρου ἐν αἰνίγματι from the fount of warmth cold and distant beyond the reach of man
>Orders a glass of Chicha de jora,
>signs himself the cross, a pregnant symbol who's roots lie pagan and heretic in the heart of coptic egypt
>doesn't receive drink, they don't have it
>"tempus edax rerum"
>drums his fingers on the cracked and splintered wood and turns to you
>"Things worth writing about? Deo volente."
>he turns and leaves

>sits down next to you at a bar
>orders everything
>pulls out a picture of tangiers
>recieves everything
>”thanks junkie”
>uses an old worn copy of in cold blood
>shoots his wife in the head
>necks a bottle of bourbon and looks at you
>”did you know that addiction and fucking mexican boys are the only things worth writing about”

...

>Sits down next to you at a bar
>Orders a glass of vodka
>has an epileptic seizure
>receives vodka but won't be able to pay for it due to betting his entire life's saving on Black 35 earlier today
>"Thanks Кoтёнoк"
>Uses an old worn copy of "Dead Souls" as a coaster
>Stares on the verge of epilepsy into the distance
>Takes a sip of vodka and looks at you
>"Did you know that god and godless men are the only two things worth writing about?"
What would you do?

this is fucking great

>orders a glass of hemlock
holy fucking shit my sides are obliterated

>sits next to you at a bar
>orders grape juice
>slips his feet off
>receives grape juice
>tips the bartender with a pearl and a copy of 'the communist manifesto'
>uses an old worn copy of 'the sound and the fury' as a coaster
>stares cross-eyed into the distance
>takes a sip of grape juice and looks at you
>"Did you know that poor people and hispanics are the only two things worth writing about?"

is this really a good representation of Gaddis?
I'm going to have to read him I guess

>takes a seat next to you
>orders a Budweiser and spits on visibly Slavic bartender
>pulls off his massive Prussian jackboots
>receives Budweiser
>"I will literally break your ass if you underpay another Sudeten"
>uses an old copy of the Torah as a coaster
>stares blue-eyed into the distance
>sips liquor and turns to you
>"Did you know Napoleon was actually five-foot-ten, Eva's an innie, and the charges of me being a Marxist and an Atheist are both false?

The Recognitions at least

>sits down next to you at a bar
>Orders a pint of plain
>takes his fedora off
>recieves pint
>'it's your only man!'
>Uses an old worn copy of "Ulysses" as a coaster
>stares cross-eyed into the distance
>takes a sip of pint and looks at you
>'Did you know that Irish mythology and bicycles are the only two things worth writing about?'
What would you do?

>Sits down next to you at a bar
>Orders a virgin bloody Mary
>receives the virgin bloody Mary
> Chuckles
>"And here I thought it impossible."
>slips off his sandals
>Uses an old worn copy of "On Generation and Corruption" by Averroes as a coaster
> Stirs the bloody Mary without sipping it
> Stares into the Monad
> Turns towards you
> "If only you understood that everything is worth writing about, except Catholic doctrine."

Goku

Where are those bullet points from?

...

these posts make me feel old
why am i still here?

>yfw pynchon probably is the guy who keeps posting clickbait pictures of 3d lewds

Absolutely disgusting. I would hate to share a drink with anyone. Disgusting germs. I had a girlfriend once and when we rarely kissed I would brush my teeth afterwards because it really bothered me.

>sits down next to you at a bar
>orders a mold grown on another mold
>slips his sneakers [1]
>receives the mold
>and but so thank you
>uses an old copy of American Psycho [2] as a coaster
>stares in his [3] reflection in the glass
>takes a bite of mold and looks at you
>"Oh fine I'll sign your copy of IJ."

[1] New Balance, WN780, color white.
[2] The most arrogant work of irony written by the most insincere type of person.
[3] His w/r/t the author, no not a literary technique or anything like that, but the actual living author. Talking to you right now.

absolutely golden

wonderful

The last line got me.

You? Never!

>sits down next to you at a bar
>orders a glass of lime-leaf tea
>slips off his red high-heels while insisting they're the right color
>receives tea
>"thanks aunt Léonie"
>uses an old unread copy of Ulysses as a coaster
>takes a bite of madeleine with his tea and stares vacantly into space for 4 whole minute occasionally twitching and mumbling "combray"
>snaps back to reality and turns to you
>"did you know that sleep and memory are the only two things worth writing about?"
>has an agoraphobic anxiety attack and is carted away by an ambulance

what do you do?

>stares vacantly into space for 4 whole minute occasionally twitching and mumbling "combray"
Absolutely perfect.

It really isn't

>shoots his wife in the head
This is cold as hell. Holy shit.

For the metaauthorial titty twisting.

The Wikipedia article about Giordano Bruno, specifically the section on why he was burned at the stake in 1600

You can't, but you can tickle his creatures.

>"Entropy and poop"
That's literally one book of his nigga. And probably only a quarter of the pages are devoted to either.

>What would you do?
>you don't know shit about scientific concepts you fucking pseud

>as for the poop, the only thing your writing has in common with it is that it is indeed it.

>>"did you know that weaving and captaining a ship are the only two analogies worth weaving and/or captaining?"

ftfy

>S h I T S : N.e.x.t = 2 = u @ ----
>Hors d'oeuvres A gl(donkey) ov ab=since
> Re: \mOvEs/ hizz ∃(x + x) [x = glass]
>^^ceives ()()sinthe
>"Danke-thank Moonfaun"
>U-sez a"N" Ole' W=a=r=n Co:pee OF "Finnegan's Wake" ASACOASTER
>St[hairs] ---> into tHe *Diskdance*
>T-ache-s Ay S-I-P Ov Ebsunks + lOOks @ U
>"Dead yule NO -> etyms & atoms R ʇnoqɐ ƃuiʇiɹʍ ɥʇɹoʍ sƃuiɥʇ oʍʇ ʎluo ǝɥʇ

...

>cast lots to select apostle
>burn people for divination
What did they mean for this?

what the fuck is this

Zettles Traum.
It’s pure unadulterated German autism.

>sits down next to you at the bar in tokyo
>orders beer
>smokes 3 cigarettes consecutively
>receives beer
>tells the waiter some unwarranted jazz trivia and then has sex with her awkwardly
>uses a magical BB King record as a coaster
>spaces out into another reality (or is it?) for a few minutes
>drinks his beer in one gulp and looks at you
>"Did you know that ennui and jazz are the only things worth writing about?"
>he then dissipates into thin air

idk bruh

Amazing
jazz jazz jazz

...

>Sits down next to you at a bar
>Orders a glass of BRRRAAAAAPPP
>Takes boater hat off
>Recives BRRRAAAAAPPP
>"Gulp. Grub. Gulp. Gobstuff."
>Uses an old worn copy of a fart fetish letter as a coaster
>Stares with one eye into the distance
>Takes a sip of BRRRAAAAAPPP and looks at you
>"Did you know that unpronouncable words and farts are the only two things worth writing about?"
What would you do?

Could somebody do a Greg Sadler one? Im not familiar enough with his work to do him justice myself.

>sits down next to you at a tavern
>orders a cup of sack
>slips his cross gartered yellow stockings off
>receives sack
>"An't please you"
>uses a well-worn copy of Ovid's Metamorphoses as a coaster
>fixes his gaze on the sunlight peering through the windows, as Phoebus's fiery cart makes his way across the heavenly roof, illumining the dull earth before plunging below the wet horizon like the layman's bright torch
>takes a sip of sack and looks at you
>"Dost thou know that cross-dressing and cuckholding are the only two things worth writing about?"

>sits down next to you in a dusty straw taverm
>orders a cup of smoky black tea with jelly
>makes the sign of the cross
>Receives tea
>"The tea and the air... the cold and the hot... truly we must embrace God in this way!
>uses the 95 Theses as a coaster
>Stares blankly at the wall
>Drinks the whole cup of tea, then belches loudly
>"You ever been to Vegas, my friend?"

>posits a chair next to you at the bar
>actualizes a stein of Jena's finest
>negates his shoes to the floor, but sublates them by resting his socked feet on his shoes
>sips his beer for 106 hours (so far). It is now night 4 days later
>“The owl of Minerva begins its flight only with the coming of the dusk.”
>uses a copy of Phänomenologie des Geistes with the spine so broken that literally none of the pages even remain in the book as a coaster
>wheels a squeaky chalkboard into the room
>sips his beer and turns to you, Partita for Violin No. 2 by Bach begins to play
>"It is customary to preface a work with an explanation of the author's aim, why he wrote the book, and the relationship in which he believes it to stand with other earlier or contemporary treatise on the same subject. In the case of a philosophical work however, such an explanation seems not only superfluous, but in view of the nature of the subject matter, even inappropriate and misleading. For whatever might be appropriately said about philosophy in a preface - say a historical statement of the main drift and the point of view, the general contents and results, a string of random assertions and assurances about truth - none of this can be accepted as the way in which to expound philosophical truth. Also, since philosophy moves essentially in the element of universality, which includes in itself the particular, it might seem that here more than in any of the other sciences the subject matter itself, and even in its complete nature, were expressed in the aim and final results, the execution being by contrast the unessential factor. On the other hand, in the ordinary view of anatomy for instance ( say the knowledge of the parts of the body regarded as inanimate), we are not quite sure that we do not as yet possess the subject matter itself, the content of this science, but must in addition exert ourselves to know the parti-
>you bolt from the room, soiling yourself and crying, having beheld the sublime of actual philosophical discussion, far beyond the comprehension of your autodidact imageboard fantasies

is this the cliffposting containment thread

>tfw my friends think I'm well read
>if they ask about book sor literature I simply quote epic Veeky Forums memes

Feels really good, man.

this got me
have a (you)

Not

>receives water
>now THIS is water

I laughed at this one