In my never ending quest to improve myself...

Such as?

I suppose you could look at it that way. I should mention that that is not always the case, though. It just depends on what I've been doing at the time. Like trying to figure out the most efficient way to build a deck in a TCG by going through hundreds of cards in my head and how they could interact with each other to make a deck more consistent.

A lot of the time my head is just an empty void, tbqh. I'm not a very interesting person and I don't have much to say, or even think about, really.

How anxious are you?

In that case, why don't you do the same thing, but out loud?

I have crippling anxiety and stress issues that I try to deal with everyday. What for?

I could do that, though I might feel like an idiot talking out loud to myself.

OP, first of all, thanks for those pictures.

Second, it makes me worried when I hear people say they are in a quest to improve themselves. To me, it sounds as if you were a bad person as of now that needed to be improved. Which then I saw it appear right after that when you say you think you are a boring person because you have nothing interesting or funny to say. But really, why is it so important to be interesting to someone else? Why is that an issue to be fixed, you know? For whom is that issue going to be fixed, for you or for others? And I don't know where you live or how your life is, but perhaps they are just not the people you'd like to hang out with. Not because they ought to improve themselves, but that doesn't mean you are the one with an issue either. Sometimes people have different interests or, which is more incredible, what makes a good conversation is something in the way people respond that somehow makes it easier for us to couple with this or that person and not so much with another. It does not depend solely on us or solely on others, otherwise it wouldn't be a conversation.

You didn't come here for this advice, but I'm giving it anyway. Consider, before going further with this book request, the things you find interesting, the things you find funny, whether it is in entertainment, sports, science, in school, in work, in spaces to go, in things you did not do before, in people you meet, and so on. Not what the other people might find interesting in you, but what interests you, what is that in which you are willing to invest yourself to be doing.

You say you don't want theatrics, but I was thinking you would perhaps like to join a stage acting group. That could help you not fix the issue you think needs fixing, but put things in perspective between you and others and how you relate to this image you have of yourself. They are usually lovely and welcoming people.

It's funny to ask on how to "have things to say", when a good part of "things" is in doing them other than talking about them later. That comes as a bonus.

There are books for all kinds of speaking and really some for the types you want. But I won't recommend any of them, because they'll answer your question and I think your question is wrong and having it answered won't make you feel better, and you'll feel even more in need of improvement.

Everything is ok as it is. But what do you want to do?

This is almost certainly the cause. Deal the underlying cause, i.e what is making you anxious. If you're honest with yourself you'll know what it is. It's usually how others perceive you and the like.

As in talk about that to other people. If you find something entertaining, someone somewhere definitely will. It's important to find the audience, how can you entertain people who don't find entertaining the things you do?

To be honest, I really couldn't care any less what other people think of me. All of my pursuits in life have been for my own interests. I used to work out a lot; would jog somewhere between 3-4 miles every day, lifted weights at least three times a week, etc. I've tried learning instruments; I used to be really invested in drawing and the arts, among other things. I've only ever done any of these things for myself. To be perfectly honest, I don't find other people interesting as a general thing. Whenever I leave the house I have a hard time connecting with anyone--I find it difficult to care. There are exceptions, obviously. I have a handful of great friends I'd give my life for, but.

I want to learn how to be more entertaining through speech because it would satisfy this part of me that gets annoyed at how mundane and ineloquent I am. I wanted to be an author at some point. I spent a few years really struggling with it, but I eventually gave up because, even in writing, I can never think of anything to say, be it entertaining, insightful, suspenseful, any emotion that would make a person feel anything other than boredom. I've always found it impossibly hard to produce the finer details of any story idea I had. I could lay out a plot with characters and all that jazz in record speed, but when it came down to the details, that glue that would hold everything together, it was like smacking my head against a wall hoping that something would come of it, except nothing ever did.

I used to watch a lot of Whose Line is it Anyway? when I was younger. I was always really impressed with how the performers could be so entertaining with just a few words picked on the fly.

The cause of my stress and anxiety is my total lack of talent or skill and a lifetime of work amounting to nothing. I don't have anything. I sleep all day and sit at the computer when I'm awake.

I grew up wanting to be an artist. I was always dead set on being an illustrator or doing concept artwork, but 20-some years of diligent study and practice have amounted to nothing and the act of picking up a pencil makes me suicidal. Drawing is the only thing I've ever really cared about, but I've given it up because the mental anguish is not worth wanting to put a bullet in my brain everyday. I have also tried sculpting, but I hate mucking around with clay. I've tried playing a number of different instruments available to me, but I hardly listen to music and I don't really care. I used to love reading books and I wanted to be an author, but after struggling with it for a few years; spending time everyday studying my favorite authors and trying to write my own stories, I hated every second of it and decided that I would just give up. I still return to drawing and writing fairly often, and everytime I'm reminded of why I stopped in the first place.

I am almost 26 years old now. I have nothing in my life to satisfy me and no money to do anything that might be of interest. By all means, I don't live a bad life. I have a good family and friends, but they do not satisfy this deep-seated urge for something more profound. Life is already dull enough as it is, and with so little to care about, I am looking for something that will satisfy me on a personal level. The skill to entertain myself and others is something that would bring me a bit of happiness, but I have never been good with words, so I wanted to (make an attempt) to improve that.

"I can never think of anything to say, be it entertaining, insightful, suspenseful, any emotion that would make a person feel anything other than boredom."

Here it is again, you're setting yourself a very high barrier, people who are actually entertaining and insightful don't set themselves this as an aim, because it sets you up for eternal failure. Sounds like you suffer from perfectionism, your drawing isn't good so you want to kill yourself, get a grip of yourself, don't striving. Your posts reek of striving, "not good enough. In my life alright is good enough. And you probably won't understand what I'm getting at because the cause of these problems is lack of insight, and if insight has evaded you til the age of 26 then it's going to be hard to spot these issues.

I'm actually very aware of my own problems, but being aware of them doesn't do anything to help make me less of a neurotic mess.

"If I just practice everyday, I'll see results over time. It's guaranteed." Yeah, of course, but knowing this doesn't do anything to stop the mental anguish most of my interests bring me.

I've tried just about everything you could possible think of to calm me down. Meditation, therapy, hypnosis, even. I was on various medications of varying dosages for a few years, but literally none of these things have ever helped me. Sometimes I feel like a broken person and there's nothing to mend the cracks.

Honestly, I'd be satisfied just having anything to say at all. Usually when I talk to people it's filled with dead air because I have absolutely nothing to say. The only thing I'm good at doing is moaning on the internet.

So about those books...

OP, the problem is that you are too self-aware and everything in you you evaluate or review. I do that too and I too constantly find myself trying to 'improve' in some or other.

Ask someone else what you should improve of yourself, someone who knows you like a friend or a relative. You need a more objective advice. Trust in yourself, trust in being yourself, even if you are not a star. In my language, there's a saying that says "no eres monedita de oro para agradarle a todos". Literally, you can't satisfy everyone, just instead of trying to be better, try to be happier yourself.

Being aware of your problems is not the kind of insight I was referring too. Being aware of your problems is being a neurotic mess. Being aware of how your problems aren't really problems is how you stop being a neurotic mess. All your questions about one books will make you more interesting are pointless because they are band aids for the real underlying problems, which manifest themselves as neuroses. Would you say you respect yourself? I suspect the answer is no, or if you're dishonest you'll say I sort of respect myself. You don't respect yourself yet you think that conversation topics and being more 'bouncy fun' and 'Le gentleman insightful' is going to fix anything.

>Being aware of how your problems aren't really problems is how you stop being a neurotic mess
I am well aware of this, but it doesn't matter. I know that my problems aren't actually problems. I know this. But that doesn't actually help at all.

But beneath the surface you do care quite a lot about how things are going, because you talk about being annoyed at ineloquence, and your boringness,
your extreme dissatisfaction with your progress in work. If you were really indifferent you wouldn't be a neurotic mess. And you are here seeking help for your problems too.

Here's a good quote from chamfort: "We ought to be able to combine opposites: the love of goodness with indifference to other people's opinions, a liking for work with indifference to fame, concern for our health with indifference to life."

I think it's healthy to exercise a sage-like indifference to life as best we can, especially to those negative and painful aspects of life. You clearly have difficulty doing this.

practice reading aloud. Most people on Veeky Forums don't get enough social interaction and so do not speak with any grace. Secondly, you should focus more on getting other people to talk about themselves. The conversation will inevitably branch off from there. Third; get some hobbies. If you have nothing to talk about it is because you don't do anything.

What if your hobby is goofy bullshit like a TCG that you're mentally building decks for? I'm not OP, but I have a similar issue that I'll often be thinking about something that feels so specific to my current trajectory, I don't necessarily want to talk with anybody about it because I feel as though it would be a very one sided conversation. Most organic conversations seem like they're about a big or shared topic, like "what'd you think of the Disaster Artist" or something.

OP fuck off this board you're annoying

Bump

You don't read things ON being witty and interesting, you become witty and interesting because you read witty and interesting things. Just read often and what interests.

Also movies will unironically help you with this, possibly even better than books. Pay attention to the cadence, the patterns of talking, the way the actors hold your interest and build tension just from dialogue or monologue. Here's some movies I recommend you watch or rewatch, and pay attention:
Joe vs the Volcano
Pulp Fiction
The Third Man
Seven Psychopaths
Blazing Saddles (Gene Wilder especially)
Lawrence of Arabia
The Big Lebowski (particularly Sam Elliot's bits)
Blue Velvet
Paris, Texas
The Cruise

If I could I would map your laterals and find some way to arrive at your door and personally deliver you the message that you need to hear: You are seriously out of any realm of plausible hope and if you think anything besides fortune can drag you out of the mud that is your shit life then you are wrong because you are shit out of luck. Just judging by your first sentence (which was all I could do before I myself felt like blowing my brains out) I can tell that no amount of advice to meditate, to go outside, to read the right books, to get a job, to go outside, to talk to random strangers, to go outside, to calm the fuck down would account for nothing because if you haven't yet in your life been trained for this goal of being funny and being a better speaker then there is no hope. I was going to reply to this thread without scrolling down but I decided to check if anyone had any solid advice and halfway down the page I am still seeing pewter-fuck anime pictures and sob story block posts all from you except the one person trying to offer earnest advice whose credibility goes down the drain immediately since he mentions that your pictures were great. I really would like to tell you that it is going to be alright and you just have to put in that hard work but in all reality it's just going to come naturally if it ever comes at all. If by the off chance you want to read instead of switching between boards and jerking your cock to anime (or not because "you're not that type of sicko and that is just so sick ewwwww i'm just going to watch anime for 3+hours on an offday instead of jerking my cock to anime because that's so much healthier"), IF that's the case, then read Montaigne, Shakespeare, Plato, Martial, Homer, Ovid, Sam Hyde, Proust, DeLillo, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, and Joyce, in that order.

Charisma can not be learned. It can be developed through life experience and observation, but trying to find a book to "teach" you is a waste of time.

Good thread.

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