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Poetry Critique Thread

terrible, ESPECIALLY the first line, jesus christ.

it's a quote from Frasierx

>AA rhyme

oh my kill your selv

i'm in a bad mood
>whiff became a stench
what? how does one noun that describes sensual phenomena turn into the exact same noun in the same line? useless.
>mess we left under the bench
i laughed, because the image i have in my head now are two lovers shitting together atop a hill. how romantic.
>spaceship moon
so, it landed? be more specific.

>glimmering dust on my skin
boring cliche
>shock of space within
hermetic allusion? if so, the only vaguely interesting line here.

your consonance in the rest of it is appalling. i see what you're trynna do with the repeated L sounds, but you lack any taste with where you sprinkle them, and what words you use.

2/10

*barfs*

......

thank you for the constructive criticism

ok good

this isn't mine, it's actually a poem that Pound wrote to HD when he was around 21.

I bolded what I think to be each stressed syllable so I can get better at seeing what a poem consists of (iambs, anapaests, dactyls, etc)

does this look about right?

interesting. Imma need you to "unlock it" for me, though