Writing Test

Describe Morning Wood.

Critique/Comment on others work

The break of dawn shot through my cheap blinds as the morning angels sang the compositions of nature. The sweet smell of old car engines and stale tobacco filled the air as the charming men of the working class set out on their financial journeys. My room lacked abnormality, except the tall figure that rest in front of me. A stain so small, but not yet dry, showed itself to my recovering windows of the tangible universe. I uncovered the wrinkled sheets. Has the smell of pine trees made company with the object of nature I lay my restless eyes upon?

My eyes opened to the world I dreaded my Resurrection in. A room so small with absence of a pleasing aesthetic murdered my tranquility.

My parents forced my sister to sleep by my side because her nightmares were a more prevalent issue than my sanity. "user did you like it," she smirked. This statement shot my restless mind with confusion, until I looked at the beast that lay before me.

It morning and my pee pee up and hard

I've never had it because I jerk off a lot and piss in the middle of the night

unironically this

Did she give you the ol rub n tug? My sister did

She lay down, right by my side. I love my mother, the guardian of my ravaged post-apocalyptic universe. The queen of my hive, with bees that are haunted by crippling autism.

Her breast poke my left shoulder, I know she is too close. I access this as "not a problem" as long as she accesses I'm still resting. The guardian of my universe always sleeps a deep sleep, I pray this does not change.

I still lay facing the door, not her, my restless bride. I scoot back so both of her breast puncture my shoulder blades. If I tilt my head back enough I can feel her toxic breaths of love molest my neck. Although a very pleasurable feeling, her breath reminds me of the need to brush my teeth after a long night of alcohol and cigarettes. I proceed to exit out mattress.

At that moment, I saw the dragon, the dragon staring at the queen, and the queen with eyes open wide, fearing the dragon.

Like every morning he felt pressure below waist, a sad reminder of nonexistant sexlife and unfilled desire to feel heat of another body. He gave himself few unexcited strokes while the clock kept on spewing rage filled melodies promulgating the beginig of new day. Time to go to work.

This was my assumption until I saw her lips.

Wrapped around your cock?

My aching penis woke me up, holding back urine with all its strength. My penis entered the bathroom a second before I did, and I leaned forward to point it at the toilet and pee. The pee came out like I was draining puss from a pimple. It was such a nuisance. I got back to bed and spooned my wife, and the poke woke her up. She put her hands on it for warmth, her cold hands making it harder, frozen. It was flexing so hard like there was a little angry person inside of it trying to get out of this cockoon. All the nerves in my body homed in on my angry penis. I envied my wife's calmness. Women never have to deal with this. This and huge shits. I feel like raging painful boners and huge shits, compounded over a life time, plus all manual labor work, equate (or even outweigh) a woman's one-time life event of giving birth.

Right as I begin to go flaccid, her hand warms up to my cock to the point where it's clammy, and the dragon reawakens. The sudden flex of my cock is enough to make her head move toward me. I kiss her cheek, caress up her stomach to her breast, and gently tweak the nipple. For a moment she considers having sex, and my cock jumpstarts the rest of my body.

Then I literally shit the bed.

Continue

Stiffness between my legs, it charges forward, dragging me into this new day as my father's did deposit me into an old man's wife.

I don't remember my dreams much. Waking seems to have its own sort of force, as if each morning I seem to be lost in a familiar place, rehearsing for Alzheimers, dimentia, or age to set into my mind and unfamiliarize the house I was in and the homes I made. The neurosis that I might not be home clouded the clarity of a simple shade of desire that claimed my morning. A vague hum of lawn mowers grew into the corners of my mind. I could feel my mindless gyrations cutting depressions into the spring mattress, each thrust awaking and seeking a second slumber that was lorded over by distant figures in familiar motions.

A harsh resting place
Break of day in summertime
I got a hard dick

Dude this was grand

Stirred, I awaken. A flood of consciousness comes to me and the rays of light breaking through the plastic blinds of the windowsill bring forward a familiar scene. Thoughts begin to unveil themselves and degrees of clarity are restored. The ache of my back, the tiredness of my eyes, the routine inexplicable hardness all greet me again.

Harry Lightroller–of Chorley, Lancashire–was rudely awakened by the telephone next to his bed. Delirious, he fumbled for the bakelite receiver.

"Oi, what's the story?" asked an unfamiliar voice.

Harry scratched the warm duvet. "Morning glory, innit."

"Nice one, mate."

"Cheers, mate."

car engines, tobacco and pine trees? I envision you as some sort of innnawoods /k/ type of guy

so it's come to this again. waking up to a throbbing pain. not the usual kind I wake up to following a night spent in the usual drinking holes. An ailment I never quite find the remedy for. this one, this urge can be killed with a few massaging strokes by my dominant hand. this one ends with yet another stain in the sheets I never care to change anyway. this one goes away. this one starts the day off with a lesser feeling of regret. and this one can't be possibly ignored.

heh, i liked this one

thanks. i tried to accurately portray how my mind wanders in the early morning haze with the man vs. woman tangent. i cut it off with the totally fictitious "then I literally shit the bed" in case i was getting too pretentious

chuckled

I don't get tests like these. It's not good writing to describe something as eloquently or artfully as possible. Morning wood is morning wood. It's waking up with a boner. What else is there to say?

I woke up with a dry mouth still tasting yesterday. The sergeants exam at the policy academy, all nerves and cold sweat in an airless room...

"Sir"

I raise my hand. "Sir, my pencil's lost its point"

"All the girls say so" shouted some two-bit aggression junkie from across the room. Then laughter...

My eyes adjust to the light. 'I'll show them' I say to the window, touching the handle of my service weapon. Soon they'll know, they'll all know.

My dick beats a tattoo beneath the sheets.

During the night I had pitched a teepee, but in the morning still no one had come to worship my totem pole

My favourite Godard movie if we're being honest

As usual I woke up with a big, raging boner.

Which is it?

the one where jean-pierre léaud spouts maoist propaganda for 90 minutes

Masculin, féminin: 15 faits précis?

>huge shits?
What do you mean here? Many women after childbirth( have you ever had to pass a large kidney stone btw?) have problems with incontinence for a while or the rest of their lives. This is more if labor was complicated and required incision.
Literally couldn't pay me to give birth. Now I get why abortion is such a big deal to some women.

The bright. The haze. The grey. Why was I ripped away? It was so nice. I would pay twice the price to see it again. But wait. Hey. What is this?

Well gosh don't mind if I do.

I just mean the physical tolls of a man's day-to-day life are so much greater, that compounded over a lifetime (like 80 years), it is probably equal or greater to the physical pain suffered during one child birth. Lifting heavier things, taking bigger shits, doing more physical labor, doing most of the movement during sex, doing most of the errands, day in and day out, adds up. I'm not disagreeing with you, giving birth sounds extremely painful, but it's a one-time thing.

He was pitching a large tent in my sheets.

please explain this bigger shits thing to me. I really need to know this for reasons. Do you mean you always clog the toilet? Is it usually a a thing for fecal particles to be huge? I must know this for personal reasons...

And not if you want more than 1 kid and again the complications come up. Consider all that with the fact some people push for abortion to be banned.
>most of the errands, more physical labor on top of doing most of the work in sex,
Your life in particular sounds difficult. I am sorry that is your experience.

opps meant to reply here.

a man with his own mind, hard bark where soft green life had been and sap stinging up from the roots, this alien chute, swinging back and forth like a doorstop spring. poor fucker, stuck back there in the dream, still waiting to be received.

Waken up.
Hath boner.
Fin.

I mean the average shit I take is a good 6-8 inches long, 1 inch in diameter. Compared to the average shits I've seen all the women in my life take, which look like they sprinkled a handful of cocoa puffs to the bottom of the toilet, it's fucking nothing. The physical pain involved in my daily shit is more than 10x more painful than the average woman's shit.

I hope this information help you.

You're not supposed to feel pain when you shit, as far as I know. I assume that for most people constipation is a rare event. At least, I've never considered myself especially blessed for my painless shits. Try to drink more water and eat fibers or something.

this is a literature board, please leave

Pretending that your shits hurt isn't literature either.

Mine are pretty long too I guess like type 4 in pic related. Thank you, I thought I was the only one. lol It's not painful though. I know this is a Veeky Forums board but is kind of right. Considering your stressful life, if it's not simple constipation from lack of fiber it may be due to irritable bowel syndrome.
Regardless, thank you for your perspective and again sorry that is your experience.

ditto

my shits hurt. i actually have to shit right now and i'm waiting so it loosens up in the bowel more. it's 3:51 pm and i can feel breakfast ready to come out. i try sometimes not to eat another meal until i've shat the last out

nigga why my dick hard when it go light

I woke with a hard cock, so I said,

"My cock is hard."

She said,

"So you have a hard cock."

We went back to sleep.

I don't even get morning wood anymore desu
I guess my dick finally understood that he wasn't needed

I woke up hung over and needing a piss badly but I had an erection and there were women in the house. I just wanted to go back to sleep, getting dressed enough to hide the erection was not something I wanted to do so I had to lay there, piss-hard while they showered, brushed their teeth, chatted over breakfast and finally left.

My cock felt really good as I slowly wade through the journey from sleeping to waking. I stirred and my cock rubbed up against my duvet really nicely. It felt pretty pleasurable was how I would describe it. I reached across to the young girl of 18 in bed with me and caressed her ass. My cock sprung up to full mast and remained fully torqued.

my 3 inch pee pee decided to get up again. I'll chop off this useless deviating meat one day

He brought girls home but didn't sleep. He sexed and woke up half new still stiff and worn out.