Bro, I don't want to be rude, but those girls over there said you're creeping them out...

>Bro, I don't want to be rude, but those girls over there said you're creeping them out. Maybe just read at home next time dude.

>size him up, he's about 5'9/140lbs skinnyfat
>he has no facial scars, nose never broken, no cauliflower ear, perfect teeth all seem real, so he likely does not train in MMA and has never been in a fight
>must be a spoiled pampered child to have the cockiness to come up to a total stranger
>must be emotionally unintelligent to take whatever girls he's with seriously enough to actually confront me for reading in public
>Me, loudly so the entire cafe(?) can hear: "Sir, are you threatening me?!"
>Him: "W-what?", people start looking
>Me, standing up, wide posture, eye contact, slowly moving toward him: "I'm feeling really threatened by you right now, sir!" (I'm not). Everyone is looking.
>Him: *mumbling in confusion*
>i'm inching within arm's reach of him
>he makes a sudden movement in his confusion, trying to explain himself
>Me, touching his chest with my hand while I back up: "Woah! Sir, you're acting really aggressive and I'll defend myself if I have to"
>just me touching him, even in this visibly defensive action, gets him agitated, but he's too much of a pussy to engage physically
>Me: "Manager, Manager! This guest is threatening me and harassing me, I did literally nothing to him. He just came up to me and started bothering me"
>this soyboy is emasculated as he's escorted out of the cafe by the arm by a 4'11 Filipino barista, and he's kicked out of the cafe forever
>the girls are too spineless to be seen walking out with him so they stay in the cafe, pretending they weren't with the guy
>I leave, "spilling" my coffee on their laptops
>I meet the soyboy from before outside
>Him: "What's your problem bro?"
>I stick my arms up in defense, like he's starting a fight with me
>He moves toward me making hand gestures
>As soon as he's in arm's reach I overhand-right him square in the face, breaking his nose, orbital bone, or front teeth depending on where it lands
>people around me golf clap, and I get in zero trouble

Bro, I don't want to be rude, but you should take your autistic r9k posting back to the pissbottle frogboard that you crawled out of.

Stop throwing a spergfit over some bait and having a meltdown about frogs. This is literally why people like OP make these threads, you massive loser.

>reading creeps girls out

Have you stepped outside once since you dropped out of community college?

>unzips dick

>1 post telling someone to fuck off
>spergfit
>actually bumps this garbage
Consider suicide.

when were you first diagnosed

Why would reading creep people out? Literally the only comments I've ever gotten while reading outside were from older people acting suprised because a somewhat younger guy is reading at all.

>implying I read in public
I can't stand any noise while reading.

you're going to have cameras on you the moment you start yelling in the cafe
you already won when the guy was escorted out and yet you leave with him for a cheap shot outside.
The girls are immediately going to testify against you, saying they knew something was wrong with you when they saw that you were reading.
There is no way you're coming out on top in this.

Acting like that is almost worse than what he did. Any sane person would just tell the guy to fuck off. More realistically, this situation would never occur, but whatever.

This.
Do you want to read or to get in trouble?

Then how do you read at home when Chad is fucking your sister

>implying I have a sister

>I walk out, saying nothing
>later, when only the guy and those girls remain in the cafe, I return with two 5'11/180 lb all muscle italian males, both named tony
>i nod at the 4'11/110 lb Filipino male barista, and he locks the door
>the music stops
>i nod at the 5'3/180 lb hispanic chick, with her flabby tiddies resting over her fat abdominal folds like the clocks in The Persistence of Memory. she locks the back door.
>the girls and guy in the pic don't notice us until we're right behind them and i intentionally make an extra loud footstep, just loud enough to get their attention but still sound natural
>they're stunned as they turn around
>they see 4'11/110 lb Filipino male blocking the front door
>they see 5/3/180 lb mexican kool-aid girl blocking the back door
>a tony walks around them
>guy in pic: "Hey, you're the guy from bef-" then panics
>Me: "I just wanna talk, relax". He starts to genuinly relax.
>POP! Tony shoots one of the girls in the back of the head, blood splatters all over the table, soyboy and remaining girl both shrieking
>Me: "What's the matter?" as if nothing happened
>there's a knock on the front door
>it's a cop
>we let the cop in
>Soyboy: "Officer these men are gonna kill me!"
>officer takes out his gun and shoots the remaining girl in the head
>me, filipino guy, fat mexican girl, tony, tony, and cop are staring at the soyboy, stonefaced, as if he's the weird one
>I pull out a military-grade 53"/85 lb M134D-H Minigun concealed underneath my Uniqlo windbreaker
>I unload on soyboy from pic for a full 12 seconds, which at 6,000 rounds per minute = 1,200 rounds
>we leave
>baristas unlock the doors and put the music back on, open for business, bodies laying there, as if nothing happened
>i get in literally no trouble

>actually typing out these autistic fantasies
get a hobby or something

Id sock his faggot face in front of everyone.

Reminds me of something Sam Hyde would write.

lol

shit like this unironically happens in mexico

Geez, user. Was thinking along the same lines. Motherfucker wouldn't dare! (You) must be a grizzled (relatively speaking) oldfag too. Well done.

>lure him into my sewer lair
>shrug off his gadgets
>use the shadows to my advantage
>break his back over my knee

what does an ironic gangland murder look like?

>stare at him blankly for a few seconds
>motion for staff or a manager if he does not get out of your face

tupac was murdered ironically

>>break his back over my knee
you should be a pretty big dude to pull that off

He doesn't necessarily have to be big just a big guy for him

...

It's incredibly depressing when you realize posts like this are often not copypasta, ironic or not

i'm not even reading, you stupid cunt. let me enjoy my chai latte in peace and mind your own fucking business.

No it isn't you fucking mong