Sorry. I didn't like "Eyes and mouth filled with dirt" followed immediately by "see" but then I cut that out, so the line could go back. Idk really; it's not my poem. I'll post one of mine next.
Poetry critique thread
Kevin Kelly
Hudson Russell
>Open there doo there
Adrian Wood
Wrote this in an inspiration thread a while ago about pic related
If you turn away,
I’ll turn away.
(Your orange dress and all
the hidden colors of your hair
drag me out, heavy-fisted
with ropes. The lines
of your neck curve like owl feathers,
and from this angle
I wouldn’t be able to see any talons.)
If you turn away,
I’ll turn away too.
Colton Lee
You didnt do her justice, user, desu. There is not a shred of impressionism in the poem, so >pic unrelated.
Almost makes me want to try something along those lines myself, although I am making something else right now.
Thomas Garcia
It's called Ekphrastic poetry. Give it a try, you might find it fun.
Lucas Myers
>Ekphrastic poetry
I am referring to expressionism (I mistakenly said impressionism, damn) I literally do nothing but descriptions of painting these days, so you dont have to tell me twice.
Luis Hill
Posted in last thread, to mixed response. Let's see if it's better this time.
...
The pristine cot is cool with novel sheets
known to many beds and many nights, cursory
in the cursives kept in pages 'pon pages, each
a set, which, paired as dancers met 'til the next piece,
extinguish little of the singe the hand feels through
their elmwood-ashes rough of paper-linen fibres.
The meagre cushion feigns hospitality,
its iodine imprint is a mâché ring of hell
or else an other burial site of pluméd things,
whose reddish earth would hide a bloodstain easily.
The treacherous give of the matress bears through hours
a self-sustaining wake that must remain undiscovered.
Aaron Morris
awe yea I open a photo album I found under my bed
uhhuh, The dusty, leather cover decaying and smelling of the years
awe yea baby Regrets mingling with my tears
as I methodically turn the pages, you see
I like to dress up in REALLY tight underwater pumpkin beavers...
and I take a deep, painful breath
Because staring back at me from the tattered oragami licences
oh baby yea Are black and white visions of faraway hearts uh huh
Mistakes where made and moments lost
But I take the blame all for myself
awe yea You see, sobody's done messed up
my latvian women's soccer team fantasy REAL bad,
oh pagers make of cheese,
Isn't that cute? The fluffy pumpkins I mean
you can't HANDLE the fluffy pumpkins...
If I could just steal away one
tender moment from my past
And trap it in my heart
ohhhhhhh baby It would unravel the regrets
woven deep into the tapestry of awe yea baby my life
awe yea the Whiteness glimmers in
Lucas Hernandez
if you want me on less drugs, i'm starting with my Invega (antipsychotic).
Charles Murphy
BAKA how can somebody still believe the meds meme in the conterporary-date year