Brutal sentence critique

What the fuck. What the hell is a sentence then

Yes it does user. "?", "!", and "." all end sentences

Step it up. This is shit.

That was two sentences, smart one.

kek welcome to Veeky Forums

I have never had sex.

I was raised under the protective auspices, so to speak, of the Christian church.

You're showing your autodidact
Question marks do not necessarily end a sentence, nor do exclamation points. Sorry! but it isn't even a new thing.

so like what about your priest then?

大きい外人のペニスはダメですわ

I feel empty

Writing single, isolated sentences is actually pretty much the only writing I ever do. Here's one.

>The problem is that the Soul doesn't want to be killed or even stifled, while the Mind couldn't care less what you do to it.

WHAT IS A SENTENCE THEN
What even are they

Damn. Btfo

Well, I did not like the school-like atmosphere of the confirmation classes. More importantly, however, I could not swallow what I was being taught. To your question, I asked the minister, at one point, how he reconciled the story of Genesis with the creation theories of modern science. He had not undertaken such a reconciliation; furthermore, he seemed more convinced, in his heart, of the evolutionary viewpoint. That minister was the closest I ever got to a priest.

Who made you the sole arbiter of sentence structure, shitlord?

>Do you know de wey?
Is this not a question? I'd bet good money that is a question.

>"?", "!", and "." all end sentences
When was it ever stated that question marks, exclamation marks, or periods are used ONLY to end sentences?

You'll find that was never stated, so your cheeky "Sorry!" checks out and the claim that a question mark ends a sentences—not limited to ending sentences only— checks out as well.

So, where are you going with this? Are you trying to show that you can't read?

Indeed, it's actually a very old-fashioned thing, mostly found in 18th and 19th century writing.

Twisting around my body screamed in disdain an ostensible act of decorum for the strangers walking behind me.

>a set of words that is complete in itself, typically containing a subject and predicate, conveying a statement, question, exclamation, or command, and consisting of a main clause and sometimes one or more subordinate clauses.
>conveying a question, exclamation, or command
We use question marks and exclamation marks to end a sentence most often, but they can also be contained within a sentence in some cases, though this is not accepted in academia.
>butthurt autodidacuck

‘Tis shallow of a wound and so shalt be’eth thine grave.

>butthurt autodidacuck
>don't say anything relevant
>can't refute
>must call him a KEK

IS ANY SENTENCE TRULY COMPLETE UNTO ITSELF THOUGH SURELY THE PROPER HEGELIAN READING OF THIS LOGIC IS THAT ALL OF LANGUAGE IS MERELY ONE SENTENCE

I did refute. boku no google it audodidacuck

Here I stand, naked and hesitant, feeling the eyes of strangers moving impersonally over my contours, assessing me, judging whether I am a sentence worthy of praise.

Postured inquisition begets stilted response and deliberately obtuse off the cuff remarks presuming one's own ineptitude, while demonstrating a nonchalant wit through brevity, both of which exhibit a dire symptom of rampant self-doubt plaguing our culture as self-affirmation runs scarce among the youth.

>Here I stand

10/10, don't even need to read the rest

Best so far.

When the deep was without form and empty God filled it with a hot load, and that is the Milky Way, and Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time -- Amen!

The most defining feature of a circle is it's radius.

You're lying to yourself if you don't think it'd be π.

The old widower grasped the warm, soft hand that had held him tenderly for so many years, and died quietly in an empty house.

no i like shit

She wishes she could become an image and feel herself pass through the machine, reconstituted into what could only be known by its pointer which would flow like liquid through the golden streets of a metropolitan circuit-board; it was a profoundly debilitating experience to see another person on the street and never be able to get closer, far closer than your muscular-skeletal system would allow for and it seemed that bytes did not have this problem.

Have we met before?

"How about this-" she says, her blue fingernail tracing the words, "'Many a great mind has been ruined by the pursuit of perfection', what a load of shit,"

lol gay

I personally would switch Mind and Soul, but I am interested as to why you phrased it the way you did

Thx haha XD

this sentence is a bit confusing to me. i'd rephrase it like this:
>Her blue fingernail traced the words, "How about this: ''many a great mind has been ruined by the pursuit of perfection.''" Her finger stopped. "What a load of shit."

Also, I have a fixation on the following structure when I want a moment to be dramatic and I becoming a little too reliant on it, anybody have any input on how to do something similar?

"[dialogue]" [person] [verb] [pertinent trait of person speaking], "[pithy thing that subverts or clarifies {[dialogue}]".

[Detail of the space this happens in]

i thought the extra apostrophes were supposed to italicize it, sorry

The appropriate thing to do, being who i am and living the life that i live, is to purposefully accelerate my descent into madness.

Given the ability to, I would have both italicized the phrase and left the apostrophes.

maybe it's just because i hate commas but i would switch the part before the first comma with the part between the two commas like so:
>Being who I am and living the life that I live the appropriate thing to do would be purposefully accelerating my descent into madness.

I've stopped fantasising about sex with the girls in my class, now I just think about how their clothes fit their bodies.

I like this one

Please refrain from posting your cringy metaphysical meanderings anywhere on the internet. Saying shit like this is not "deep," rather it only highlights your lack of creativity and effort. In what situation would a character have the same thought as you? Who are they? What are they feeling? Develop a story and try to convey all this in a single scene. Now, narrow it down to a single sentence to tell us what is most important about this character.

I was just thinking about how often I reject the voice of reason in favor of some impulsive passion

Take heed comrades; turkey bag woman fears donkey meat.

The only word I don't like in this sentence is "contours". I am absolutely quibbling and this is a strong sentence. Nice.

Formerly, the idea of each person dying the same death was digested by all of humanity without the merest skepticism, but now our civilization has advanced far enough that we can finally leave behind regular death and look beyond to its marvelous replacement: namely, luxury death.

Sick post

Through subtle nuance, groundbreaking animation, and a timeless story that will be remembered for generations to come, ratatouille has easily solidified it's title as the single greatest film on the 21st century.

It's okay but the punch is ruined by the fact that you disclose windower in the beginning.

"In an empty house, the warm, soft hand that had held him tenderly for so many years took his, and the old widower died."

i actually really like this sentence. it gives a really good impression of the narrator's character. i know it's against the rules of thread, but i would split it with a semicolon after "my class" like this:
>I've stopped fantasizing about sex with the girls in my class; now I just think about how their clothes fit their bodies.

Reads like bad Edgar Allan Poe. "You're not going to believe how rational my madness sounds! Hahaha!" [thunderclap]

there's a good idea here somewhere but your syntax and diction (especially your vague use of pronouns) makes it difficult to see exactly what you mean

the only interesting part of this is what you stole from funkadelic

ugh

bretty good

"A tour de force of a cautionary tale"

>I've stopped fantasising about sex with the girls in my class, now I just think about how their clothes fit their bodies
This really is the patrician mode of being. walking down the sidewalk on a summer afternoon is nearly pornographic

A little overextended for what you want to do. I would ditch "formerly" entirely. You don't need it. "But now" does it's job. "Merest" is junk. "Without skepticism" is fine.

In all, way too many embellishments.

"The idea of each person dying the same death was digested by all humanity without skepticism, but now civilization has advanced far enough to leave behind regular death and look beyond to its marvelous replacement: luxury death"

Trust your readers and use your adjectives where they'll be most effective.

I've known them for over five years yet I have never seen their face.

>internet """friends"""
Just wait until they log off forever and you never find out why.
>Last online 1537 days ago

Curling under the covers, he reached for a mass of warmth that was not there, strained to hear the absent sound of soft breath, tearing open an old wound to see that face in the scar and taste those lips in the fresh blood.

erotic

Even submitting a single sentence to that heaving mess of jealous eyes seemed like a personal betrayal; they watched always, waiting to rain scorn upon any teetering fumbles from below, and snatch up any wisdom from above, always, always to feed their own pretender's glow.

Hh hh hh hhh hh hh, hhhh hh hhh hhhhhhhh.

You're this guy but worse, because where they show some vulnerability and heart, you make yourself sound like some long-suffering genius victimized by a bunch of know-nothing assholes. It's never fun to read someone who thinks too highly of themselves.

I guess I'm just from a different school than you guys are.

I feel like if you're going to start with present tense you should stick with it. There's nothing wrong with the present tense.

"Curling under the covers, he reaches for warmth that is not there, strains to hear the sound of soft breath, tears open an old wound to see that face in the scar and taste those lips in the fresh blood."

Here I stand, naked and hesitant, feeling the eyes of strangers moving impersonally over my contours, assessing me, judging whether I am a sentence worthy of praise.

Ironic.

There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.

Thanks, I like your version better. I'm just unaccustomed to writing in present tense, so it's not something that would normally cross my mind.

The death of God is not the discrete interment of an old man buried beneath a headstone, but the squashing of a pregnant spider whose babies scatter to every corner of your bedroom.

best in thread. legitimately profound

Fucking awesome.

I love writing in the present tense. I definitely think more people should write in the present tense. Do a little experimentation and find out what works for you best but definitely compare ideas like:

"I made a sandwich and went to work"

to

"I make a sandwich and go to work"

The tone, the energy, everything is different. It's just another tool to use to be interesting. Good luck, user.

Holy shit. That's a really good one.

Other than the semicolon, this is muscular as fuck.

One wonders what one wondered when their woes were want to wane and then one works to withstand wading from their woebegotten, unwise view.

If you set out to write a tongue-twister, you succeeded.

I love this sentence. It's like a butcher's knife. But we're in brutal sentence critique so I must say

"The death of God is not the burial of an old man beneath a head stone but..."

Everything after the comma comes hard to the table and I love it. In fact my criticism is because I want to get there faster. Also, interment and burial are slightly different, but again we're in brutal thread.

Well done.

"Oh, my God!" cried Kimberly as
Tortura sent the whip into her cunt.

"I am your God now," exulted Tortura's mammoth cock.

Plagiarism is a scurge; alas a side effect of a free world of information.

My Mind says this is good advice, but my Soul says fuck off fag

incorrect semicolon usage

You wrote that? LOL wow you are not only retarded, but you are also dumb as shit.

Retard

"One could imagine a universe without niggers," he said, drooping his gaze to the floor, "but then we would not have the word nigger."

kek

>you are not only retarded, but you are also dumb as shit.
holy...

Motionless, I stare out the window, watching the rain drown out the unrelenting stillness, and every breath that I take.