ZZZZzzz

saying that they made me depressed is an euphemism because they made me not-human and extremely unstable. my advice is you quit, plain and simple. i’m on inositol now and as i’ve said the ocd is under the rug. now i’m dissatisfied with my life but in a rational way, because it’s actually a failed life for now. try 5htp, st. john’s wort. they both helped me. another effective thing was doing myself behavioral activation in the sense of forcing me to do things i once enjoyed (small steps, slowly). journal when you feel less low and read it when your low low. try to be more agreeable with yourself and others. let shit go.

The depression is a lifelong comorbidity of an incurable neurological disorder. As a result, it can be managed but never recovered from. I am either passively suicidal or actively suicidal, but never not.

I don't have a favourite. This is less an inability to form an opinion on something I've read, and more an inability to recall it well enough after a protracted period of time. There are books I know I disliked and will not take the time to reread in the future, and there are books that I would probably read again, but few stand out. So I will tell you "Tistou of the Green Thumbs" but this is more because I witnessed a live storytelling of this book in a church one evening about eight years ago, and I recall the storyteller was excellent.

we’re all gonna make it senpai

>now id say it’s the distance i’ve created from others and the lack of risks in my life
uh oh

Focus on your immediate family and friends, and the people that you regularly interact with. It will make you significantly more haopy, unless you're surrounded by extreme caricatures of political ideologies

Existing would have been a better word

i'm too ugly to be loved
Unabomber manifesto

>What keeps you depressed
My ex.
We were in the same profession. I was better than her. But then she left me and did exceedingly well for herself professionally. I just sleep walked thru life and now have no urge to achieve anything. I just think of her all day.

Fav book Moby Dick

Keep your head up, Ilk

My perceived lack of an internal locus of control/belief that I am explicitly a product of circumstance and upbringing

Mason & Dixon

Goddammit...

Being homeless and unemployed/unemployable despite six degrees and a god tier work ethic
Probably Steppenwolf

>six degrees
In what?
>Steppenwolf
Good book

Computer Networking, Computer Support, Computer Information Systems, Math, Science, General Studies

You have a degree in something called General Studies?

Yes

Seriously now, you guys really need to quit your beef with Freud and Lacan and embrace psychoanalysis. It's not about a guy interpreting what you say for you, it's not comforting you, neither pushing into your wounds (though it could do both at times) or necessarily digging your past, it's not about talking about family and sex as you may think if your just see the theory, because it really is about what you talk about and how you talk to yourself, how you listen to yourself. I see a lot of people which either think depression and other conditions of that sort are just named forms of whining or those who take it seriously but as a biological fact like you would have aids or something. I always talk of psychoanalysis because I see in it a third vision about this, which understands that depression is not nothing, it's a legitimate suffering, but also steps back just before announcing anything about who you are and what defines you or how you feel about life. That doesn't mean they are oblivious to signs, on the contrary. But whatever it is that you are dealing with, and whether it is a sentiment you want to describe, or a life situation, or dream, or fantasy, or memory or anything, you can find a place to develop it and in a sense, accelerate a process which is essentially just the necessary process you'd had to go to overcome your problems anyway, which involves a lot of listening to yourself and overcome the embarassing feeling of realizing you were not listening to yourself before at some point. It's about raising your responsibility over where you stand and what you say and do, but without commanding you to do it. It's about realizing your bullshit and getting to know when you get to dead ends, cornered not by the ideas of another person, but your own. And then leaving with better words, your words still. It has to do with listening to where you repeat and where new things come about. It's a very weird process to describe.

cont
I'm usually depressed and I've been going to an analyst weekly for more than 5 years. At one point I was said: "if you told what you told me to a psychiatrist, he would prescribe you pills to help you out, I have a number, if you want it, today or anytime, just ask me" and I said then that I didn't want to and never took that chance, even when I was pretty low. I don't judge those who do, because I felt like it many times, when I was hopeless. But I don't identify with "I have depression", just that I know the moments I'm anxious or down. Depression is just a series of depressed episodes, so much of a hole that is just deep enough for you to fall over when you try to climb out of it. When I see other depressed people, there is no reason to diminish the gravity of what it is said about it, but at the same time I know they are not "just depressed", like not-normal, like some people don't have arms, some people are depressed. There are some meta levels to suffering, there is pleasure in suffering in a particular way, there are multiple ways to look at your own suffering.

I know a lot of people who have depression and other things of the sort who treat it in several ways, some are into hollistic spiritual stuff, others are hard on drugs and multiple types of therapies and treatments, etc. What I see is that a lot of those who do drugs didn't need to do drugs, which is not to say their case was lighter than others, because there is no objective rule to that, just that I see the drug use to become a much bigger problem than what they had from the start. I always look for something with results that are more durable and integral to life, even if it takes longer to get there as well. How we feel about life is not "just a feeling", it is a conversation with the world and society, our family, our close people, ourselves and our flaws.

That's great, but it really, really isn't for everyone.

I found it the opposite of helpful because it can take me hours, days, weeks, or even months to be able to describe an event, let alone the emotion that came with it, because I process things very slowly.

My psychoanalyst ended up thinking I was playing word games with him, and I came out of each session frustrated by the degree of miscommunication between us. It devolved until I went to our sessions with a collection of dreams I'd had over the past week or so, and then we'd cover the meanings of those, because we were utterly unable to have any useful conversation about anything else, although I stopped going altogether when he decided that a dream I'd had about a whale reflected my relationship with my mother.

I'm , who will never recover.

>The depression is a lifelong comorbidity of an incurable neurological disorder. As a result, it can be managed but never recovered from. I am either passively suicidal or actively suicidal, but never not.
Is this *your* depression or depression in general?

Mine, sadly. Some people are capable of getting better! I have epilepsy, chronic nausea, ARFID, depression, and anxiety with panic attacks as comorbidities.

Most people, I understand, do not have to deal with all of the aforementioned bullshit on a daily basis and still manage to function as a member of society.