Vows

For better or for worse, but never for boring.
Fuck I'm really dying alone.

shouldn't have entered this thread so soon after my divorce..
hey man thats a lot better than how i ended mine, but then again thats probably because she wrote them (:

I respect you but Im not feeling anything toward you related to love and stuffs, anyway you seem like a good project, and our marriage will be successful; I make money and you cook pretty good, you may work in our first years but once you will be pregnant you will stay home, taking care about our descendants, I don't want you to be exhausted force of working outdoors and at home.. you know, finally I promise you to be good to you and to take care about you, and never cheat on you since my heart will never be able to love any other woman.

I would probably just make it awkward for everyone involved, especially her father.

"I can't promise this will be good for you. I am the natural culmination of all your efforts, and unfortunately you've always been a lazy cunt, except in the sack. Never have my cock and balls been swallowed from behind like that. *this is where I would look directly at her father and continue the vows* I knew the moment I came in your arse and you loudly farted it out, than palmed it into your pussy you were special, and when you joked afterwards, saying 'i always knew our kids would be shite' I mugged a hag for the engagement ring the next day. *back to her* I hope you've got something even more spectacular to consummate the night and have planned accordingly for our honeymoon."

>marriage

Did mommy forget to update the parental controls? How's childhood?

Ya know? I never actually thought this day would come, You always here about girls always dream about their wedding day, but not the boys, and Hopefully obvious that I'm that latter I was the exception from this rule, I never could picture it right and it was like a big shadow covered that part of the photo, and until a few years ago could never See why. That was because I never had the right her, you see, on the day I saw (brides name) I realized this. She was so bright, funny, smart, hot every one would be a shadow of her, and I could never contemplate perfection until I found her, the big bang to my love, the ideal of my surrender to affection.
You have me, and I'll have you (name of bride)
You are the cure my unperfect soul.

I had to poo
he was a loo
-pupi kaur

>tfw ill never have some one read me vows of this quality

jesus fucking christ

>I knew the moment I came in your arse and you loudly farted it out, than palmed it into your pussy you were special, and when you joked afterwards, saying 'i always knew our kids would be shite' I mugged a hag for the engagement ring the next day.

The father of a couple future penguin classics, no doubt.

Why are men so obsessed with challenging their lover's fathers?

Never has a man been so lucky... and never a woman so unfortunate. I mean for you this has to be one of the worst trade deals, in the history o- I digress.

In all seriousness, I haven't a clue whose good graces I must be in to share this day, this moment, and this lifetime with someone so unspeakably and intangibly wondrous. If I went into detail about the ways you've improved the lives of those around you this ceremony would last quite a while; and it would grow longer for you having just stood across from me.
What I want to say is you're straight from a fairy tale, and I would be honored if you invited me formally into your story.

I love you.

Because they think love is a male structured hierarchy

I'm not sure that marriage as it is now is such a good thing. A man or woman can pretend to be a good person - or - they invest for some time but let it go after a few years of marriage. I think a better system needs to be thought of in which commitment and trust can't be feigned. We've have a lot of divorces in the western world and in other parts of the world young girls are being forced into marriage. Men and women have competing interests as well as shared interests, it becomes an issue when one has more bargaining as the other. And it is problematic, oh and I know Veeky Forums hates that word, when marriage keeps you stuck. Not because commitment is bad but because it is harder to get out when there's abuse involved. People have pretended like marriage was always harmonious, and now subcultures have evolved that seem to think it is all conflict. Well, the truth is different. There's both honesty and deception involved.

I hope we can figure out a system in which we can maximize the full potential of our partners and which keeps deception and dishonesty at bay. I think it requires time, effort and communication. And when there's dishonesty, whatever from a man or a woman, it should be easy to move out. It should be consensual and as honest as is possible.

>I promise to only cheat on and beat you as much as my dad did to my mother. I vow to abandon you at a critical point in your life if you ever start thinking that emotionally manipulating me is a good idea. You are the ocean to my Evan water(tm), you are the icing on this wedding cake (this wedding cake was provided by Emmy Baker's Yummy Cakes(tm)), you are the wet concrete to my pocket lint and cigarette butts. I vow to fuck you any way I please until you get ugly or the sex gets bad or you start emotionally manipulating me. I vow to force myself on your friends when I think they're attractive. Let's face it, Janice has a tight ass. I vow to drink excessively when you don't live up to my ideals. Now that all of this is understood, let's enjoy our marriage!

when I worked late and you were already cozy in bed, you always grabbed me and held me tight until I warmed up. I was so cold.

my days are over
of shitting in street
now i will eat
and the loo will be stink
and my heart will be beat
forever discreet

How could i possibly do what you ask without knowing and loving the subject?

>wedding vows
fucking americans man
what is the point? it just annoys people by making them write some cheesy garbage

...till the first signifier for disagreement do us part

I wrote wedding vows for my waifu, do you want those?

>sacred covenant centered on ritualistic displays of love

stealing this btw

depends on quality of your waifu

And I thought us Americans were supposed to be non romantic brutes. Of course it is better to display your affection with actions over words, but it is words that put action into context. The ability to express love is a crowning achievement of our species.

It's good to begin by calling your spouse by their first name, and showing your gratefulness and happiness ever since you met then. Include an anecdote that your close friends will get, bonus if there's a second meaning known only to them, and finish with a promise to make their lives as good as they have made yours.
He's memeing you, it's a general Christian tradition. But then again the only marriage I've been was with an American groom, so there's that.

We can get married for tax purposes in this country, yes?

>Trump reference at the wedding
Good man.

literally just a contract

>The ability to express love is a crowning achievement of our species.

Talk about W H I P P E D

No it's a wright of love

To be loved is the greatest human longing.

"I promise to let you know a week in advance of my suicide, help yourself to my stuff in the event of."

It's a show of ownership and dominance. He made you, clothed and fed you for two decades just for you to give yourself to me. This is what makes having a daughter the ultimate form of cuckoldry.

it is! its true!

>writing your own vows

I thought Veeky Forums was a Catholic board.

But that doesn't mean it's the "crowning achievement." Everyone can love and be loved. Very few can advance theoretical knowledge to the point that it can be used to improve the material quality of general human life.

I'll grant it's the greatest human longing, though. But that's because it's something ingrained in healthy people. And something so common can't reasonably be considered an achievement.

>letting someone else tell your wife how you feel
sounds like Catholics are giant vaginas

This is so beautiful

do you remember that night in may? when the pink dusk was just fading into night? and you and i went for a walk through your neighborhood? those cats followed the two of us the whole way, a few steps behind. running after one another through yards and over bushes. we held hands and watched them and i said it’s a double date. and when we got back we sat together on the porch and you drank your beers and maybe i sat on the rail and looked out at the street and maybe i tossed my head and talked about bossa nova. i think if theres a heaven thats where ill be: in the pink and gold and the way everything in that hour seemed to glow. but the thing is, it’s always there when im with you. i just have to reach out and touch.

> The ability to express love is a crowning achievement of our species.
the love of God, yes

you you you you you you
you you you you you you
you you you you you you
you you me you me you

This is the only good one till now

ay gurl i luv the way you succ my dicc yo ass is so fine just makes me wana bang bang no what im sain bitc you be mine aight

>it's a general Christian tradition
Wrong, burgermonger. The whole tone of your post makes me retch. Don't you have a facebook feed to obsessively reload?

This is not a sound decision. But calling you my wife means a lot to me. I want to lock you in and knock you up. I hope you are still as hot five kids from now.

The only vows I need are those provided by the Roman Catholic Church:
""I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

What more needs to be said?
Anything more than this is posturing and unfit for such a holy sacrament.
You are there to make a promise before the Lord God, pure Love, who by his Grace has allowed you to share in through the sacrament of marriage.
Don't make it about you. It isn't a movie.

My waifu is the cutest and best. But a little dorky.

I'm not even an American. Stop being so obsessed with them, it's appalling.

This is precisely the level of religious authoritarianism that only serves to hurt your cause and drive people away from your religion in search of personal liberty. Not everyone is content with having their love and oaths expressed for them, and that does not mean they are posturing or disrespecting the God they believe granted them the right to self expression in the first place. That is their marriage, those are their vows.