Are there any books to help me get up the courage to kill myself?

Are there any books to help me get up the courage to kill myself?

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romanticism
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no

Twilight.

the sun and her flowers

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yeah you know i dont like this girl very much she is conventional attractive yes glowing radiant voluptuousness yes but i dont really care about her butt or little twirls and smirks i dont see anything in her and i dont think we would get along she might be a nice girl but if that werent the case i would love for her to know that i dont think shes special because i dont at all in fact she would have to stand out personality to redeem the overwhelming... i dont know what it is i just dont think she is very pretty it has an opposite effect sorry

you are rong

Paragons of humor right here.

is she single?

you angry at her confidence and happyiness for simply being beautiful(regardless of what you think about that), you dont know she may be smart and intelligent, you angry at her pride over her undeserved power?

Your diary desu.

im not angry i dont know i guess i should be happy the girls i like dont fit right into instagram beauty standards because less competition or something but i hate that idea so much that its the game and there are guys trying to play into it and pursue the hypothetical girl i like and then maybe she falls for it and then i hate her him and me

Stoics Seneca

Yes
Thousands
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romanticism

Anything from EM Cioran

On behalf of the gene pool, thanks in advance for removing your degenerate self.

goethe

Christ dude go outside

underrated stuff right here

all women are whores bro. just accept it and you can deal with them more easily

All the courage I need is to know that I will never have her.

>books
It's time to become a doer and not just read books. Do it fgt

revolt against the modern world

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Letters from a Stoic: Seneca

Lol, sauce?

it's 2018, user, you're allowed to just say "I'm a flaming homosexual" now

its a schizophrenic autist doing a bit, just let them LARP its fine. they’ll get back on their meds or be institutionalized eventually no need to bully, i was initially creeped out but ive put aside my sensible first instinct and decided to allow them to wallow as its much better punishment

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sorry yeah i dont usual say stuff that negative about girls im a positive person but i cant just go outside okay?! i cant! and it isnt funny or ironic everyone thinks im weird and i just want to talk with a cute girl thats all

ohhh yeah im just pretending its all so funny im the one pretending right well the problem is i CANT pretend and they dont know pretending pretending pretending what?! really think about it hard its scary and i shouldnt think like this alone when its dark ohhhh and it gets worse the more you think about it pretending like a clown and what if everything is like that no no NO! ohhh ill stop sorry i usually post on topic really i do but why did i start thinking like this fuck fuck fuck i wish i could just stop it but what if its true and what if i know it is then i cant stop it

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Anything by Yukio Mishima. Do him and Japan proud user

In all seriousness, have you been to a psychiatrist? I always recognize your posts and you seem like you have a lot going on. A good one really could help you.

yes of course ive had one since i was a kid and it was a lot worse then all they do is give me pills that make me stupid its like eating a blanket but on the outside- oh that didnt make any sense and i cant read on them i always thought the names were funny apripapoloZOLES or alpadalaZAMs pitter patter then zap! sorry i usually lurk i just dont have anyone to talk to and no one believes me anyway so i honestpost here sometimes but i dont want to mess with the board you know ill stop unless theres a pretty grl then i have to say something

This

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>psychiatrist
kys Nazi-Soviet nigger

is this good?

Yeah, I know medication can feel REALLY shitty. Maybe if you went to another one they'd be willing to try something different, or they'd know ways to minimize the side effects. Aripiprazole is especially nasty but there are other antipsychotics out there. I can see why you might have trouble making connections with people but you seem like you have a good heart and if you can get over your social anxiety there are people out there who would enjoy getting to know you. Good luck, user, hope you find something that works for you.

yeah i dont like the ones you take everyday it feels like a heavy grey blanket but i need the other ones that are shorter and stronger and fast because it can get really scary sometimes....
the otherday someone said the girl i wanted was like a mom or something and yeah you know i get it i dont want to burden someone they dont need to take care of me i just want her to care about me you know- just one person that would mean so much to me if i could be honest and a girl liked me for it it would mean so much
but i know they wouldnt like me i dont even like me no one likes me and it feels like im less than nothing because i dont mean anything to anyone even my mom only tries to like me but its in spite of me and i know my dad doesnt like me even if they say he does he hates me in the way you could only hate yourself because hes supposed to have something kind of similar but doesnt believe it and hates doctors and medication and thinks its fake and would always fight about it and thinks its my fault and that you cant blame illness and thats cowardly he always talks about cowards but he doesnt know what its like and no one knows what its like they just want to put me in a box they made that has a list of medicine below and then send me away... i dont im just me you know
i dont know..

this isnt my blog- im sorry

David Benatar - The Human Predicament
Thomas Ligotti - The Conspiracy Against the Human Race

If you read about someone with similar struggles, would you hate them? Look down on them? You probably wouldn't, you'd feel empathetic and understanding. Personal responsibility is important at all but it needs to be understood within the context of your health and environment. It's used as a catch all by people who want to believe the world is a perfect meritocracy and nothing should change. I can all but guarantee even though you may have health issues your family loves you and cares for you, though it may be hard to see at times.
Meds are one thing, and they'll probably be important for you for a while (maybe even the foreseeable future), but they're only part of the picture. Almost all meds are much more effective when you're in therapy at the same time. A good therapist will help you with your beliefs that you're unworthy of any love or affection, among other things. You can be completely honest with them. Any doctor who is looking to put you in a box is not the right doctor for you.

yeah thanks for reading that actually you know it made me feel better and you are right i do need a good therapist i cant tell my family how bad it is they dont know because it doesnt sound like anything and i dont trust my doctors i know there are some things you cant tell them and i might get misconstrued i feel like im the intrusive thoughts sometimes- theres a deeper feeling i always have to fight with because it obviously isnt true theres nothing there but that part KNOWS theres something there and i can only see or intuit theres nothing there because of course there isnt anything there how could there be or sometimes i get scary weird feelings like that pretending thing like everything around me is pretending and i just figured it out it feels uncanny uncomfortable and something latent surrounding me and its stupid of course but thats when i do need the meds to lower or numb everything uhmmm anyway yeah i feel better i like the part you said about a path or something yes that would be good to be going towards something and getting better i always dream of a girl who starts that but maybe shes near the end not the beginning thats a nice thought i wish there was a guarentee

>i dont think we would get along
Ya you post on Veeky Forums you fucking retard

God this gif never gets old

depressed autists are the worst

i just came here to give thanks for your contributions to making the world a more compassionate, saner place user

Yes, it is named "The Autobiography of The Original Poster and How His Haping Hsshole Was Obliterated By A Nigger". After reading it you will realize there is nothing worth living for in your life.

Unironically, The Lord of the Rings mythos, particularly the Children of Hurin. Over time my love for the fantastical and the romantic has made the real not just inadequate, but offensive. It's not that I'm unhappy, it's that I can't be happy here, happiness here is vulgarity, and I won't stoop to such. Death in turn is noble and welcome.

tfw understand completely
she's beautiful but in such a conventional and boring way that I don't find her attractive

eeuw, why?

Mainländer.

cioran

That is definitely schizophrenia user
We should get him to decipher anti-oedipus lol