Did we like it Veeky Forums?

Why do all Biblical discussions on here concern the Pentateuch or the New Testament? I was actually very happy to see a thread on (or more accurately, slightly related to) Esther earlier today. The Hellenistic books are far more interesting.

KJV ye. Also with Josephs Smiths translation of Matthew, etc. is GOAT

KJV is the worst thing ever created in all of history.

woosh

which bible is good then

something catholic or hebrew

kjv is LARP-tier garbage

MLV is the patrician's choice

Nietzsche never had an entire page (not a meme Bible "page") of silly Hebrew names connected with the word "begat".

while we're on the subject, is pic related worth the read?

The greatest literary effort man has ever created minus all the unnecessary maths of course.

Why is there so much repetition in the Bible? You'd think in a time when everything had to be copied by hand they'd want to make every word count, how do things like duplicate psalms not get edited away?

AND THEN JOHN BEGOT RUSSELL WHO BEGOT PETER WHO BEGOT FREDRICK WHO BEGOT NOAH WHO BEGOT NOAHS SECOND COUSIN WHO BEGOT DONALD WHO BEGOT RUTH

Which is the funniest story in the bible?

Someone mentioned before about a group of kids calling an old man "bald head, bald head, go away" so the old man prayed to God and God sent some bears to kill the children. It's shocking but fuck, it had me in stitches for a while

Not gonna lie.
So far I skiped 3/4 of the OT
The NT is the better writren one.

haha nah

The Gospels aren't at fault if you can't understand them. You either don't have the imagination or the learning.

Says Augustine in Book Six of his Confessions:

"Indeed the authority of the Scripture seemed to be more to be revered and worthy of devoted faith in that it was at once a book that all could read and read easily, and yet it preserved the majesty of its mystery in the deepest part of its meaning: for it offers itself to all in the plainest words and the simplest expressions, yet demands the closest attention of the most serious minds. Thus it receives all within its welcoming arms, and at the same time brings a few direct to You by narrow ways: yet these few would be fewer still but for this twofold quality by which it stands so lofty in authority yet draws the multitude to its bosom by its holy lowliness"

Rene Girard is a good start if you guys want a deeper, anthropological understanding of what the Gospels mean on a historical scale.

Out of all the "holy books" the literary efforts of the Koran are the most interesting. It's pretty powerful in it's verbals and the poet who wrote it is a literal genius.

Of all the "replies" the banality of this one is most pronounced. It's pretty pathetic in its use of quotation marks and the guy who wrote it is a literal shit stain.

Why are you triggered? Go and do some basic extra curricular religious studies at any university and you can learn enough about each book to know which one is written by some retard who should stick to kids books and another who manipulates the language like he's Shakespeare or one of the best of the best poets.

Read
A " "Holy Book" " ,to use your patronising quotation marks. is not to be judged on its literary virtuosity but how it serves to unveil sacred and sacrificial violence.

Maybe if you actually moved beyond a first year, first semester philosophy unit at University, you would understand the anthropological importance of a """Holy Book""".

Let me dumb it down for you my hip friend (for your use of the word "triggered" [so cool[), In other words, all that glitters is not gold.

Dunnon 'bout you, but I found realy boring. Tho this probably has to do with the fact that it was a translation, so it may have lost the poetic quality it has in the original arabic.

>t. wahabbi

Did you read anything I wrote? I even quoted Augustine, a Catholic thinker.

The Koran may bedazzle in terms of its literary style, but it remains a text of mythical mystification - ergo - sacrificial.

The Gospels on the other hand, are perfection.

>the poet who wrote it is a literal genius.

yep, just wish Mohammed had cited that poet before plagiarizing it.

How is it sacrificial?

Rene Girard.

Seriously, wiki him or whatever you have to do. I don't have the time or inclination (to quote Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men)

It took a while, with some chapters being literally devoid of any literate merit.
Overall though I'm glad I read it, cant deny it's overwhelming influence that's sure to last.

overall no

OT is a bore-fest, mostly just there to explain or justify something in ancient jewish society
NT is bearable but I find more insight in the buddhist nikayas

KJV is GOAT

goat shit, that is

>one holy book
It's like you don't even phenomenology or exegesis of exegesis. I'm surprised this isn't memed because you faggots love 30000 pages of dense philosophy and metanarrative.

NKJV and ESV are bretty good

>NT is bearable but I find more insight in the buddhist nikayas

I'd say it's the same with Buddhist Sutras. Things had to be originally remembered and orally dictated, so repetition is a good memorization and "meditative" mechanism. But I'm just taking a guess

>hey uh turn the other cheek, uhhhh meek shall inheret the earth and lets see here oh right I am the way the- hmm what was I meant to say again?

vs

>“When, monks, a noble disciple has clearly seen with correct wisdom as it really is this dependent origination and these dependently arisen phenomena, it is impossible that he will run back into the past, thinking: ‘Did I exist in the past? Did I not exist in the past? What was I in the past? How was I in the past? Having been what, what did I become in the past?’ Or that he will run forward into the future, thinking: ‘Will I exist in the future? Will I not exist in the future? What will I be in the future? How will I be in the future? Having been what, what will I become in the future?’ Or that he will now be inwardly confused about the present thus: ‘Do I exist? Do I not exist? What am I? How am I? This being—where has it come from, and where will it go?’ “For what reason? Because the noble disciple has clearly seen with correct wisdom as it really is this dependent origination and these dependently arisen phenomena.”

This is the most worthless thing I've ever read in Veeky Forums. As irony, it's not any fun. If it's an actual argument, it doesn't prove jackshit. As a response to that comment, it says exactly nothing. Even the quote you chose isn't powerful enough to prove a point and evokes one of the most uninteresting (albeit not bad, as it's historically and religiously important) aspect of Buddhism: the amount of repetition within the sutras. How do you feel, having written that and taken the time to choose and copy that quote? Truly tragic.

says the person posting a 5 year old meme as an unfortunately 'serious' response

he isn't wrong though, the new testament is severely overrated in that department. I expected myself to be induced with passion and bliss during my first read as I had been told of its awe inspiring wisdom and insightful passages. Yet all I did was yawn every few minutes or so. Hell i've skipped heart beats on less grandiose pieces of literature. I haven't read the canonical buddhist text but I doubt it is as underwhelming as the new testament though I suspect, given that quote, it derives its insight from philosophical expositions more than parables/sermons.

>OT is a bore-fest
are you actually this much of a retard?

are you jewish? legit the only people that get off on reading the OT are hasidic jews, everyone else agrees that it's a huge bore-fest

As a book of mythology, yes. As a holy book, no.

No seriously, are you a retard? Hasidic Jews study the Torah (first 5 books) and the Talmud (completely unrelated rambling about kabbalah n shiet), more than 50% of the old testament is action packed stories full of blood, gore, betrayal, redemption, merciless bloodshed, thousands of concubines and prophecies of twelve headed goat-lion men descending from the sky on chariots of fire

granted, you've never read it

No, I've just actually read the Old Testament unlike you. Most people who have actually analyzed the Bible as a piece of literature agree.

I agree. New Testament is boring (aside from Revelation, though it's just a rip-off of Ezekiel, Daniel, and 1 Enoch)

>durrrr r yu ratarddad
All jews study the OT too (tanakh), they read it like their favorite comic book and so do you

>wow so gory and flashy *squeeling laugh* did you catch that goat man guy he's cool *fan girl drool*
everyone is laughing at you, not with you

Daniel is by far my favorite book, Nebuchadnezzar is one of the top 10 anime villains of all time

I really like Esther, Tobit and Judith. They're like fairytales, really cool stories.

>Josephs Smiths translation of Matthew
Yeah, "Translation". Joseph Smith just made up whatever he wanted. It's not a translation of the greek.

I've read it cover to cover, honestly it's only worth it if you're interested in Mormonism. I think it's underrated and that Joseph Smith could spin some tales, but there's nothing really special about it. Mostly, it's a mish-mash of the Old and New Testaments set in North America.

>No, I've just actually read the Old Testament unlike you
got me there buddy ;^)

>Most people who have actually analyzed the Bible as a piece of literature agree.
agree that it's boring to the core? indeed

My favourite is Eli's death, pure slapstick

>The man said to Eli, ‘I have just come from the battle; I fled from the battle today.’ He said, ‘How did it go, my son?’ The messenger replied, ‘Israel has fled before the Philistines, and there has also been a great slaughter among the troops; your two sons also, Hophni and Phinehas, are dead, and the ark of God has been captured.’ When he mentioned the ark of God, Eli fell over backwards from his seat by the side of the gate; and his neck was broken and he died, for he was an old man, and heavy.

The one where the donkey tells it's owner to stop beating it.
I'm actually not joking

So you admit you don't actually understand the Bible outside of ridiculous /pol/eddit fantasies

>we
yeah its nice

*blocks your path*

I admit that it puts me to sleep within 10 minutes of reading. I really cannot fathom how one's mind is under continual excitation reading the bible (OT especially).

>/pol/eddit fantasies
funny you saying this, /pol/ is the defacto christian board (its the home of christian generals) and they take it even more zealously than you

>I expected myself to be induced with passion and bliss during my first read as I had been told of its awe inspiring wisdom and insightful passages. Yet all I did was yawn every few minutes or so

yeah and Nietzsche never had an intention of continuity as did the begat's given he's a different neetchee later in his writings

What exactly was I suppose to take out of it?

passion and bliss