New Critique thread right here: the other one is getting kind of bloated.
No personal insults.
Critique Thread
Jack Rodriguez
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Gabriel Moore
>no personal insults
This thread is already worse.
Gabriel Harris
Perhaps 'twas quaint enough
An environment for my lulling
Brushstrokes on her soles, wet
With syrup of thine
Logan Taylor
Allready posted this in the other thread
I'd appreciate if you could review my screenplay.
It's my first draft and attempt, so be as harsh as you like.
drive.google.com
Jordan Sanders
Oh there were twenty thousand
And the day after, ten
Yet they kept shouting
Yet they kept screaming
Yet they bled and wept and toiled and died
Yet I loved them
Parker Brown
Little ripples
in the leaves; a soft and silent
rain fills the void
Xavier Fisher
Here's chapter one and two of a fantasy novel I'm working on. Ive incorporated a few suggestions from the last thread into chapter one, thank you to the last anons who helped me out.
Cameron Morales
Hey I'm
I read the whole thing. I love the end. I thought it would be a bit silly in the beginning but adding in the serious implications really turned it around for me. I'm just sitting here now wondering what would happen if I was involved in that kind of situation, and that's something I love from a story. The characters seemed to do pretty realistic stuff. Kids use a lot of bad words but I think depending on what your goal is for the screenplay, it might be a bit too many bad words. That's likely just personal preference.
Sorry I don't have much constructive criticism to give, but it was a nice story so far and I enjoyed reading it. I hope you keep it up.
I didn't really notice any grammar/spelling issues but that's because I was too caught up in what was going on to look for it. From what I know, the formatting was also correct but I don't know a lot about that kind of formatting.
Christian Parker
i'm writing this inside a thread
the needle bears it's mark
with toothy grin and candy spin
the canine ate the lark
from inner of the beast
a whistle bounced against the wall
the note, it spoke of levity
digested after all
John Wright
someone write a good love poem i always steal them and give them to my gf and say i wrote them