"user, welcome aboard. I'll start by introducing the the to you and telling you a little about them."

>"user, welcome aboard. I'll start by introducing the the to you and telling you a little about them."
>"This is Jane. She enjoys running marathons for charity. This guy you'll be working with is David. He's a Rhodes Scholar and in his spare time he's the CEO of a charity that raises over $4 million a year for sustainable farming tools for Malawi. Wendy here got her PhD in Physical Chemistry from Berkeley last year and when she's not playing with her kids she still like spending a few evenings a week at her university lab."
>"Tell us about yourself user! What do you do in your spare time?"
>"Just reading...??? Anything else...? Oh..."

To be quite honest, Jim I am frankly surprised I made it up this far without once showing proper identity or being questioned about why I was here. Beginning to wonder what kind of dog and pony show you are running here. Anyway, where is the pisser?

ketsu wo taberu

I would face Jane and David and say
>Peter Singer's a fucking hack, read Stiner, plebs
Then face Wendy and say
>having children is contributing to a species that actively destroys its host planet along with its own kind
Then I'd turn 360 and walk away

Oh, I spend most of my free time on an internet community with mentally challenged people, where I try to help them realize what shit taste they have in literature. Some of them are still holding on to their genre fiction, the poor things.

OP here. A new point to add on to the end.

>"Well user, I'm halfway through Gordon Drucker's latest book Organisational Cognitive Capability Supercharging. It has a lot we can implement here. What? You haven't read it? But it's been an NYT best seller for 40 weeks! It was on the cover of Time and Management Weekly!"

I pick up heavy things and put them down.

Look, Jim, I am super high on fucking nutmeg right now and the flourescent lighting is forcing me to see your hideous skeletons beneath your sickly green flesh. My god you are all dead up here, Who is pulling you strings? Have I been visited by demons torturing me with this macabre dance? So many syllables to your words, some dark incantation no doubt. My vision darkens, your smiles widen even further, grim rictuses concealing the ancient truth. No longer are my thoughts my own. Your lizardpeople appropriated us long ago. Now where is the fucking bathroom, Jim? JIM!?!

180...180 to move in an away direction and not a forward one....

Just let me do my job you fucking retards.

>not moonwalking out of the meeting

Subtle bait

>Hi user. I'm Stacey and I work as a People Operations Analyst in this division. Can we have a chat?
>*awkwardly try to find a free meeting room*
>I heard about your behaviour in the meeting yesterday. While we recognise the team building value of jokes like yours, we feel that you overstepped some of our Informal Boundaries. Normally we could give you a warning but when you said later on "Just let me do my job" this was considered a second offense. We hire people not just based on their technical skills but also on how they can contribute to the culture of the company. Your Buddy has reported to us that you haven't been have been eating your lunch alone. I'm sorry to say that we will have to let you go, effective immediately.

>bye

The only way I end up in a situation like this is if I die and go to hell.

Little did you goyim know I'm half Ashkenzai
I'm taking this to human resources.

Stacey, Stacey, querulous Stacey. With curious double speak you reveal yourself to be a flickering image on a cave wall. You say I am let go, but can I ever truly be free now? Informal Boundaries as you put it, have been breached. Infernal Boundaries are now all that surround me in a oubliette of dusk. There is no culture here, only the whispering oniony smell of a dead mans breath and the crisp report of fire smacking hungrily on paper. This nightmare waltzes on, my sanity becomes a burning ember I wish to release, much like my full bladder.

Stacey, you know, I think you need to look at this from another perspective. I think - now correct me if I'm wrong here, I don't wanna go too far off base - I think you love your four-year-old son Marcus, don't you? Whenever I see the two of you together I see that giant smile you can't help wearing, and I don't blame you, he's a real cute kid.
Now this morning, wasn't it Bright Mornings Daycare you dropped him off at? Marietta Street? I thought so. Now Stacey, what we're getting at here, the progress we've gotta work towards and the compromise we need to reach, is that if you close my file and keep sending me my paycheck, I can put down my word of honor that I will not under any circumstances drive to Marietta Street, park my 2007 Camry in the Bright Mornings Daycare parking lot, open the glove box to remove a Model 1911 semi-automatic pistol, and fire indiscriminately into Marcus' classroom. That is a goal we can set together, you and I.
I'm really glad we made this progress today and so so happy that we could bang out an agreement. I look forward to the next time we have a little chat like this, Stace!

Oh, In my spare time I write for various small pulishers and newspapers. I submit poetry to various literary magazines, and some of it has even won awards. I also help run a website dedicated towards helping new and seasoned poets understand the craft and the beauty of language.

I have a disability which prevents me from doing more, which you knew when you hired me.

too far

marcus pls go

> Firing eight whole bullets of pistol caliber ammunition

children are a blight upon the species and should be culled

Having spent a lot of time with people like this I've found that they're all incredibly dull and lack any sort of critical/analytical faculties. They're also self-centered and vastly exaggerate their achievements. Their high level of motivation is probably their single redeeming feature.

...

Yeah I dunno how anybody expects to bring down a toddler if they're not packing at least 7.62x39mm, are they even operators

I'm just saying, you'd go a lot further with a 30 round SBR'd Draco or something.

>Draco
nice meme gun

Name a cheaper, easier, better SBR.

My diary, desu

>This is Jane. She enjoys running marathons for charity.
Tell me when she enjoys being charitable for charity.
>This guy you'll be working with is David. He's a Rhodes Scholar and in his spare time he's the CEO of a charity that raises over $4 million a year for sustainable farming tools for Malawi.
Ooh, the CEO of a not-for-profit company. Is he planning to make this one his second?
>Wendy here got her PhD in Physical Chemistry from Berkeley last year and when she's not playing with her kids she still like spending a few evenings a week at her university lab.
Thanks Wendy, we're grateful you could wipe your kids off your busy schedule to take on this job with us. They'll be worth your time when they have a PhD in..."Physical Chemistry" too.
>Tell us about yourself user! What do you do in your spare time?
I am 5'6 I weigh 96kg and all I do is game. Oh, and uh...reading...? Yeah, I can read.
>Just reading...???
No no, I can write too. Like, pen...pencil...
>Oh...

>I'll start by introducing the the to you
it's ok dude i'm already familiar with their work

all the people you mentioned should die in concentration camps
>she spends time in her uni lab but lives in another city as a corporate management class member
>she neglects her kids
>a woman got a degree in phys chem
>raised 4 million dollars for feral niggers despite Africa becoming poorer and more diseased every year
kys you fucking faggot

fpbp

drinking myself into a stupor and studying the word. impressive credentials, ya cunts, but you're still only human and slaves to your vanity. why am i even here. later, slimeballs.

best post i've read in a week

>not turning 540

Who are you people and how did I get here? Do I still have all of my organs?