Write what's on your mind

alone on valentines once again

I have little reason to wonder at the place my life has led me. My choices, my morals, my selfishness, I have crafted this world for myself, and surprisingly, I am not unsatisfied.
I am not alone, I have family and a beloved, I have time to read, to cook, to ponder.

I want to create, however. I have memories, ideas, I have a pure idea sitting in the chamber of my pistolhead. It is sitting with paragraphs freshly slicked onto faux moleskine pages just beside me. I know it will be my first foray into a serious work, and have its plot fashioned well, strong themes, and a pleasant simplicity.
I just won't pull the trigger and devote myself to it. I want to create, but I feel some ruminations are still needed.

I have begun to wonder if my waiting, my sloth has overtaken me. I have grown accustomed to waiting for opportunity, and now that it has risen, I am dashing it for fear that I won't have the comfortable tension of waiting any longer. That once the locomotion of my soul begins, I will no longer be able to rest. That this is the last chance to breathe I will ever own.

What a fool I am.

I know the feeling. I think you just have to write it and read it and thrash at it until it's erudite enough. Either that or stop aiming for something unattainable. Just because you know of the best literature, doesn't mean you have to create that. To hell with it. If nothing else, at least you committed to something so you could fail. Failure is the reward of effort, failure is the mana of creation.

Yeah I've thought about that
My favorite authors are Joyce (an unattainable level of prose) and Dostoevsky (an unattainable level of character psychology) so I'm really feeling that anxiety of influence shit that Bloom talks about

Chances are the first draft (and the whole thing) will be pretty poor. But that's just something you need to get out of the way. It's about as embarassing as an obese person exercising, that is to say, certainly feels that way but really it isn't.

Communism is so fucking stupid. You can't just give a farmer and a Doctor the same benefits for their labor. And if you give more compensation to one over the other than you are merely creating a different upper class above the common laborer.
Automated labor won't fix this, because the repairman of a Doctorbot 3000 still won't be on the same level as say a lawyer or politician who will likely never be replaced even in the distant future.

If you have some idea you're really find of, don't try it as a first attempt. Go back to it after you've other things so you can tackle the idea with both experience and passion.

This is novel advice. Thank you. I've an idea that I really want to do justice but don't know if I'm ready yet.

So much I want to do, so little time. Never could I visit all the world's cities in my lifetime. Or, perhaps I could, but it would have to be my undying passion, the one cause for my existence. It would be extremely difficult for me to persue my exploration whilst being a renounced painter, or a musician.

One of the greatest jokes of all, is that we're born into such a fantastic world with a surplus of places to explore, billions of people with their own stories to exchange with, and trillions of experiences, but with a limited amount of time. Like giving a bowl of ice cream to a child, only to snatch it out of their hands after a singular bite. And they only got to try one flavor.

Basically, I'm a fucking brainlet and it's hard for me to accept that I will die without getting to take in the entire world.

projection

I'd like to create music and post it on the internet, but the existing venues of soundcloud and bandcamp are too professional. Most people there want to make it big, but I just want to put things out casually for anyone who might enjoy it. Do you think Youtube is a good idea?

Who knew making a bet with the Devil would feel so good. I can't wait.

Is anyone else overly concerned that they have narcissistic tendencies?

I can't be a narcissist, I'm the best.

An interesting and short anecdote for you, my therapist recently diagnosed me with narcissist disorder, or whatever they call it, (this same man complained of his wife cheating on him and asked me for advice at length, taking up the entire meetings, even going so far as to take out a bow fire starter he had made in some outdoors survival class) and after leaving his attempt at practice, my wife went to a more expensive therapist nearby. she apparently told her therapist about me, and mentioned my experience with my therapist, and immediately said "so he has narcissistic tendencies?". apparently being your therapist's therapist is narcissistic.

I want fuck a Japanese girl

I met the girl of my dreams. She fell for me. Not as hard as I had fell for her, but at least she put up with my acne plagued nigger mug shot of a face. I got comfortable. I got comfortable and when she asked me: "I'm afraid you like me more than I like you". I said, "you're definitely right". She doesn't like that, she insinuates. It's unattractive. She's not some phantom /r9k/ stacy of a woman, but I just wanted someone to relax around. I just wanna cuddle. I just wanna hug. I've shown you so much of me. And it's unattractive.

You're the best to me, but I just write the worst of you on "Write what's on your mind" threads.
I love you, I'm sorry.

There's something very cathartic about these threads

...

Youtube is good, I think mu might also suit you

If you give more than she gives, she'll think you'll take more than she takes.

Why can't I stop thinking about her? It's been five whole years since I even last laid physical eyes on her. She still gets me. I still think about her.

What fucking gives? She's cursed me.

I get my hair cut today

t. charlatan

>wake up feeling pretty good
>walk to class
>friend sees me and snaps me a pic of me walking
>remember i'm disgusting

I posted my stuff in the soundcloud thread on /mu/, but from the looks of it, they're one big in-group that exists mainly to promote each other's stuff, and despite giving a lot of feedback I got no replies on my own work. Also, it hurts my soul seeing the state of /mu/ nowadays, so I'd rather not post stuff at all than force myself to go there again. Kinda sucks that there's no good space on Veeky Forums for just posting tunes you come up with, but oh well.

I know that I have them, but I am more or less at peace with them, because they function as psychological coping mechanisms that allow me to sustain my meandering and disappointing life.

BLIFFY WITH THE STIFFY, NIGGA

you're just mad u cant produce a banger lmao

Y'know, even if I never had a chance, I'm still happy I got to meet her. I think men love women in a way women can't love men, or any other person can love. I think I'd put it above even familial love. There's just something so enchanting about falling in deeply in love with a girl. It's not like other types of desires. Not just the sexual or the ideal. It's like you can't even believe they exist at all. You can't believe it but they're still there. Isn't that the most wonderful way to live?

Honestly don't know what you mean. I'm not calling you guys shit or anything - it's just not what I'm looking for.

I found this song after not hearing it in years and I Can't. Stop. Listening. To. It.

youtube.com/watch?v=JB_fNVOPzyM

I've always considered myself to be intelligent but recently I've realized I live a very directionless life. Reading Lovecraft and understanding just how much of history and language he understood made me feel like a brainlet. I've always been proud of my intelligence and knowledge, but everything I know is only surface level. I know almost nothing about the specifics of world history and geography because I went to a ghetto public school and accepted being better than everyone around me instead of spending my time actually bettering myself. Now I'm a 22-year-old college dropout with no specific interests or worthwhile ideas.

isnt the guy you originally responded to. There must be some underground music website, I know obscure black metal artists also do shit like this. You should ask around on rate your music

what, elaborate please

But is it so bad to want to solve things. Only if you do it when there is nothing to solve. But how do I know when there is and there isn't? If I move around like an animal looking for food... That's not like it should be is it? I don't wanna be reduced. Waiting for myself to show up. I gotta take the risk. But if I gotta, I already lost.

It's pretty easy. Commitment and paying up your debts.

I gave their forums a look-over, but found nothing. Looks like soundcloud, bandcamp, or youtube are the only options. Oh well.

I feel rejected. I'm so so tired of it.

How am I supposed to be able to differentiate between a knight of faith and somebody who is just insane? I worry I'm too much of a brainlet to understand Johannes

Most my posts don't get (You)s but knowing some people will read this comforts me a little.
I've applied for med since it's been a long term dream of mine and I was rejected by all the unis I got interviews for. I'd accepted that I didn't get a spot and moved on. Then last Friday one of the called me up and asked if I still wanted a spot. He told me I'm on the waiting list and will get a call the next (current now) week.
Well it's half way through the week and I'm pretty sure it's not happening. It's a real kick in the gut.

Not only that but just waiting for something that won't happen makes me feel empty. I'm not working towards anything, I'm not seeing friends or socialising. I'm just staying at home, existing until this damn week is over. I'm afraid this empty feeling won't stop once the week is over.

Christ, that's hard man. I wish you the best

Did you get the chance to do an intermediate year to show your ability at university?
Weird they'd put so much emphasis on high school if not, since it's such a poor indicator for motivated people at shit schools.

this song is objectively beautiful
youtube.com/watch?v=uUBfexhpYQU

I cannot tell if my actions will do them good. I can't tell if what's my sorrow now, will soon be their happiness. I can't tell if I should be quiet or not, when I wish to speak.

AFAIK, you can't until the deed is done, because the religious stage supercedes but does not contradict the ethical stage, so it's a sort of Heideggerian thing in which the thing is only perceivable because it's not perceivable, and the seemingly inevitable contradiction, absurdly doesn't happen.

Makes me think if the religious stage isn't underneath the other two all the time, rather than being something one progresses unto.

wussu.com/laotzu/laotzu48.html

Supportive (You)

In Australia there's an undergraduate and postgraduate path of getting into med. Undergraduate has a number of requirements, not just high school.
At this point I'm going to do something else and attempt postgrad. It's not the end of the world but the whole getting rejected after putting in so much effort for exams is demoralising, especially since I was off the mark by one percentile for most unis and got interviews for the others.

Thanks, appreciate it.

It's gonna be a long trip, hope it works out in the end. I've been in studies for 7 cumulative years now with the under and postgrad combined, it's fine.

Careful with those (you)s someone might just speed by there and confuse it for them then you got a whole crowd of soy boys rushing in thinking it's them you're signaling and then what are you going to do you can start with making your damn bed but you know what I mean

I don't care. The world is sad enough as it is.

yeah well (You) (You) (You) you know everybody's going to be reading this exchange to get themselves to see why it wasn't really them as a humble brag and it's a virtue signal already

Virtue people is for people who want to be honest. I just don't give a fuck anymore.

i'm never going to get a real job so i have no choice but to write my own apps and try to sell them but that is basically impossible not to mention i have no fucking money so i have to do my own design work too and marketing and every fucking thing, i just have a low grade feeling of stress running through my body basically at all times, the cold truth is if you don't get into an elite college you will never ever escape poverty

The future is coming too soon.

start forex trading, faggot

t. Veeky Forums fag

too speculative bro

I did something horrible several years ago that i dont fully regret. There was this man i was into and he was into me. We went on a camping trip with a group of friends and one night we ended up near a cliff. There was a full moon out and we hwd s bottle of wine; we were just laying there after a meal of sandwhiches and fruit, looking up at tge stars drinking from our glasses. I forget what he said but he made me laugh, like really hard and I remember clearly putting feet up and wrapping the blanket around my self and just looking at him sideways, sort of in a coy manner.

That’s when Sisco showed up. I liked Sisco as a friend but not as anything else, at the time i had just lost myself in my friends eyes. But Sisco cane up, joking as he always did and accidently kicked our bottle over, spilling its entire contents on the rocks and rolling over the cliff crashing twenty feet below us. My friend got up and pushed him. He was drunk. Sisco pushed him back and they started wrestling.

I didn’t know how i felt about it. I loved him but at the same time Sisco was stronger snd the competitin of it turned me on in a deeper level. It quickly got out of hand and to my horror my friend rolled over and and got pushed over the cliff.

I looked down and saw that he had amnaged to grab on to a beanch sticking out of the cliff about three feet below me. Before i could say anything Sisco was on me. He pulled my skirt up and stuck himself deep in me as i watched my friend and my love hanging my a branch. “We have to helo him” i said, barely managing to say that before letting out a moan. Snd he hekpt fucking me and i was powerless. Then i daw my love’s had give out and watched him fall twenty feet. He screamed in horror but Sisco going in and out of me made me feel safe. I watched him hit the ground and for the next five minutes we stared into each other’s eyes—he was alive, i knew it—before Sisco came inside me and gave me the biggest orgasm ive ever had in my life. We went back afterwards and waited an hour, pretending that the man who trusted me more than anyone in the world had fallen on his own. We told no one. Sisco snd I are now married and we have three wonderful children. I know some people would like to hear that karma caught up to me but the truth is that my husband makes a solid 130k a year and our life is nearly perfect. I never felt guilty but i did miss my feiend for a few weeks. Eventually the pain, and i worked ar this, faded and i was able to live my life, set goals for myself, and look after my wonderful family. I no longer miss him and i never felt guilty. That ws the best orgasm ive ever had. I dont know how i feel about that.

t. I have $400 and started with $200 since I invested the last 78 hours into bitcoin

>t. fat basement user writes his domination fantasy

fag

not at all
i know neets who make a living watching /pol/ all day, getting news fast, and making trades using logic on how news will affect certain markets

where u trade ur btc at?

do u think tonight's audible daily deal will help me get gf?

it's only $2.95

I was going to write something but all of you have in some shape or another already expressed my innermost thinkings. So I guess all that's on my mind is thanks, Veeky Forums. You articulated what I couldn't.
May we roll through life's depression together safely.

Consider yourself witnessed.

I've been a degenerate since I was a teenager. Video game and internet addiction have been constants in my life for almost 10 years now. I've wasted so much time in my life and maintained the whole pathetic routine with laughter at memes/television and a comfortable family support network. I read theory and philosophy and imagine myself a great thinker who's different from everyone else but really the only thing about me that's somewhat different is my superficial set of 'tastes'. But what the fuck does that matter? I'm lazy and egotistical like everyone else. I just don't post about it on social media. I've started thinking lately that if I don't do something soon I'm going to stop giving a shit altogether and just give up and burn my books. I don't know how to act in the world.

i can't call my cat because his name is Nigger-Man

Op is a gay frog

You are just one more in Veeky Forums. Almost all of us are exactly like you.

Why is it so difficult for men to be loyal? If only my husband knew how much he wounds my soul with his weakness towards women.

He has shown to be unfaithful and still he demands me to trust him. How? Why? All I wanted to do is to make him happy. I give my all and I receive harm in return. And I must remain silent .

...

should i drop my stem meme degree for my true passion, music

no

our cocks fuck us up constantly
shit's a curse
internet porn doesn't help either

You resemble my predicament at the moment rather accurately. Best of luck user, keep your chin up and control your feels - do not let the feels control you

Ciabatta is superior to badguette

I find it obnoxious to maintain the absurd level of correspondence with people which is now expected, especially women so I think I might take up wh*ring
It doesn't bother me at all right now save for the fact that I may regret it in the future when I'm an old man and I have fucking nothing

Sometimes I feel like I'm not a real human... For example I felt like a ghost today. I was totally ignored by my classmates at Uni. It's like being disconnected or something, It's really a weird feeling

I'm writing genre fiction right now, and I'm having fun, but would it establish a precedent if it's the first book I publish? I'm working on non-genre fiction too. Should I use two different pseudonyms in the beginning?

Why do people decide to live mediocre? Don't they want something to reminisce on when they can't choose how to live anymore? Even intense self-destruction and suffering must be a better use of your time, you're at least doing something.

You don't have to maintain anything if you actually like the person, you obese autist.

t. whipped normie

>pseud that thinks he's too great for the world.
You're not. You're a loser that can't even form friendships.

made my emo sadboi sonnet into a love poem in blank verse about a new girl whom I enjoy very much

Basking in the quiet, sorrow-filled room
Where the morning light flecks in, and my
Eyes are as red as the looming dawn, shutting
To convey secrets to no one, hidden.
Your face, refined to a soft smile, floats and
Formulates in the turbid mess that is
My finger-smudged, unlit laptop plane;
Driving away portents of perdition.
Guide me through affectionless, tired days
That used to fill this ill-lighted life, and
Free me from all ensnarement so that all
I wish before me is receiving you:
Where your ashen skin and grey eyes coddle
My hardened sinew and burning marrow.
You alone, my love, my hierophant,
To send life back into my barren hopes.

I worked 65 hours last week and have now discovered that I have tomorrow AND Friday off. I have no life since I work it away constantly. What are some Veeky Forums things to do?

do nothing but browse Veeky Forums both tomorrow and friday

Maybe I will, friend

I can not maintain any consistent relation to the world, to my friends, to the woman that supposedly loves me, to writing, to literature, even to things like noon or afternoon or evening. The more things I am in contact with, the more chaotic it seems to become.
Everything changes, my attitudes most of all. It feels hopeless to expect any sort of consistency from anything. I'm failing in my studies, my relationship, in writing anything beyond autistic short fiction, in maintaining relationships to people that are close to me.

What am I to do? I have the constant urge to just give it all up and isolate myself.

...

It's called being depressed. Seek help. In God or medication.

depression is a moral good

I long for death but my family needs me but I'm such a mess that I'm more an inconvenience than anything. I don't know where to go from here. I can't kill myself but I can't fix myself.

It can be, but staying there forever isn't. You're supposed to climb out greater.