Why Are Writers So Fucked Up?
Suicides:
Ernest Hemingway, Lucretius, Gérard de Nerval, John Berryman, Jack London, Stefan Zweig, Virginia Woolf, Walter Benjamin, Vladimir Mayakovsky, Anne Sexton, Cesare Pavese, Primo Levi, Yukio Mishima, Sylvia Plath, David Foster Wallace, Hunter S. Thompson, Leonid Andreyev, Hart Crane
Generally Screwed Somehow:
Tolstoy: Thought about suicide all the time. Ran away from his wife aged 82.
Proust: Asthmatic, germophobic loner mama’s boy faggot.
Dickens: Bipolar insomniac who was afraid of bats. Said his characters introduced themselves to him in his sleep.
Dostoevsky: Epileptic, borderline personality disorder, gambling addiction, scared of being buried alive.
Gustave Flaubert: Pessimistic asshole, hated everyone and everything, FRANKED a young Turkroach boy
Joseph Conrad: Miserable pollack, tried to kill himself with a gun
Kafka: Nervous kike, cringey irl, totally fucked in the head.
Horace: Depressed
Chaucer: Aggressive cunt, charged with beating a friar in London, and with rape in 1380
Boccaccio: Failed at fucking – turned full-blown woman-hater
Li Bai: Drunken chink who drowned to death trying to grab the moon’s reflection in the water from his boat
François Villon: Murdered a priest, assaulted others, was a burglar who ended up banished like the faggot he was
Montaigne: Hid in a tower for 10 years
Torquato Tasso: Persecution mania, went insane, committed to asylum for 7 years
Jonathan Swift: Gloomy bastard, misanthrope, said he only laughed twice in his entire life, didn’t speak to anyone for a whole year, went mad in 1742.
Voltaire: Chronically constipated frog, drank 50 cups of tea a day, spent 16 hours a day in bed writing.
Samuel Johnson: Monstrously cantankerous fucker, Tourette syndrome, rude manners
Jean Jacques Rousseau: Admitted to being an exhibitionist
S.T. Coleridge: Drug-addict
Byron: Sex-maniac, even fucked his half-sister
John Keats: Sad motherfucker, attempted suicide
Balzac: Crazy bastard, glutton, lived life in dressing gown
Hans C. Andersen: Wimpy crybaby hypochondriac
Edgar Allan Poe: Depressed, alcoholic drug addict who married a 13 yo
Gogol: Went insane
Nabokov: Paedophile narcissist
Euripides: Recluse, misanthrope, hated women
Virgil: Weakling manlet, once held a lavish funeral for a pet fly. Died after being in the sun a bit.
Herman Melville: Had a mental breakdown in 1855
Charles Baudelaire: Sexual deviant, depressed, drug addict
Emily Dickinson: Agoraphobic
Lewis Carroll: Pedo
Mark Twain: Bitter fucker, smoked up to 40 cigars a day
Maxim Gorky: Bitter fucker 2.0, attempted suicide
James Joyce: Awkward bastard, phobias of thunder, firearms (faggot) and dogs
F. Scott Fitzgerald: Tiny dick couldn’t satisfy Zelda, alcoholic, attempted suicide via morphine overdose
Samuel Beckett: Bitter fucker, recluse – didn’t even leave house to get Nobel Prize
Tennessee Williams: Drunkard
Dylan Thomas: Drunkard
