POETRY CRITIQUE THREAD

POETRY CRITIQUE THREAD

Pic related

Though bound by burning bells among the wires,
Which cast their mythic strands across the East,
I walk and sing the path inviolate,
And pour my bones into your marbled bridge,
And tune my voice to harmonize with yours,
And pray to graves your eyes had write anew:

O arbiter of dice and voices traced,
Dissolve this light which bars a tantric god
That I may cease to be a fleeting step
Upon this altered arm which merges wrecks;
For I must leap the white ascent you grasped—
The pillared leaves of bone beneath the sea.

Into inchoate waves above the Bridge
This calyx cannot forge its fruitful line—
But fall a virgin relic, broken, cold—
And I, the coward root, retreat to land
To watch the potent palms of gods create
Their gilded arch above your lasting path.

It goes up. Further and
further. My chest
tighter and tighter.

The rush. The chemicals.
The way of life.
The shame.

Not as much blood this time.
Not as much fun.

reads like you smoke weed regularly, but you wrote this one when you were either drunk or hungover, very fedora peterson

>O arbiter of dice
more tfw no gf fedoratry

sodomite meth-slam

>O arbiter of dice
And beyond that one line? I was hoping more from you, O Critic of Poetry.

the arbiter of dice is being asked to get rid of a barrier so that you can jump over a slanted pillar (all of this is under water btw)

I like it, you give more attention to the resonances between words than most poems I see here.

What are you talking about? Of course the pillar is under water. The 12th line states that explicitly. And what use is detailing the action of the work without exploring its meaning and implications?

6/10

Thanks, user.