>wanted to be an edgy, cynical, dark and mysterious writer focusing on the meaninglessness of existence and the tragedy of human life
>keep writing slapstick stories full of cute jokes and heartwarming redemption arcs
Should I start taking heroin? I'm serious.
But why do you want to be the edgy, cynical, dark, and mysterious writer? What about that identity, that image, is it that you want so badly have it? Badly enough that you're considering risking life and limb through opioid use just to attain it?
Read catch 22 and American psycho
Put the humor in horror
Try writing my first short story.
Revise it.
Realize its full of flowery prose and overused cliches.
Realize that editing it would just mean deleting everything outside of 3 sentences.
Give up writing because I know it would take me 5 years to achieve a decent level from past experience of mastering guitar.
Im reasonbly well-read, can write music and have decent enough conceptual thinking.
Realize Im too old and poor to afford another 5 years spent mastering a skill.
Conceptual art is my only hope.
This is where im at. What gives me hope is that even im good enough to put together something of decent quality and smart enough to make it palatable/sell-able to contemporary pseuds. Moreso as I grow older I realize that any pursuit is 40% quality 60% knowing how to sell it. And the appeal of art to me has evolved from infantile pursuit of wanting to be great to simply earn money with something id enjoy or at least not hate.
> Im too old and poor to afford another 5 years spent mastering a skill
Whole life is mastering yourself.
Don’t take heroin, just read a bunch of depressing books
Im talking specifically about comitting the time it takes to master a technical skill like painting or writing while holding a regular job and having other responsibilities. Because im not an idiot and actually have two previous experiences of mastering a skill to the point where its acceptable I know spending another 5 years on writing is not only a waste of time but if youre older than 25 also a critical mistake in efficient allocation of time as it relates to the pursuit of your goals. And mastering writing so I can jack off on it 5 years later is NOT my goal.
Just volunteer for the suicide hotline
If you get hooked on tar you wont write anything
If you mastered writing it would not matter how old you were. You should watch the movie Andrei Rublev.
Take LSD and try to give yourself a bad trip. That way you won't die, and you'll still be able to write, but your soul will be good and scarred. Watch Salo or youtube videos of pigs being castrated. Listen to drone.